I think the fact that I been cutting on an unusual amount recently has finally got me. I finally talked to both of my parents they’re both telling me to come home which I’m starting to think they’re right I’ve only been here 1 month the Amount have a Damage made to myself is too much . I think I’m actually might have left a scar so I I haven’t left a scar since I was 17 years old .when I left the the first letter of the words garbage worthless dirt selfish junk and I should kill myself .I seen yesterday those letters are […]
I have fully recovered from my recent attempt, physically speaking. I had an epiphany during this experience, that my life does matter, that I matter; but that feeling of inner strength blew out so quickly and too easily. I’m left here feeling hopeless and empty again, and that’s why I’m frustrated. I’m either feeling numb, sad, mildly euphoric, or feeling too energetic and irritable (mixed episode). Currently, I’m not suicidal, but I do feel self-destructive at least once a day, if not more often, and when those feelings and emotions become irritating or overwhelming, I turn to alcohol, again. All though, I’m feeling slightly proud […]
Went to the shop to get milk and some alcohol, to make some pudding and drown my sorrows. Got me some vine but I see that I can’t f#cking open it.
Besides that I just wanna f#cking die since a month. I really don’T want therapy, I don’t want to feel happiness, I enjoy my pass-time activities but I am not happy, even when I had my first girlfriend I was apathetic and didn’t feel anything.
Every time I am at my parents house, the gun locker laughs at me, I could just end it all, go to the forest and bang.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Singularity.mp3
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Next new piece, which is outside my comfort zone for a few reasons:
1. I’m not comfortable writing for guitar, so I tend to avoid it. But here it is.
2. Lately I’ve tended to avoid wide-open pieces with simple instrumentation. But this has just three instruments: Acoustic guitar, Electric bass, and Piano.
3. It has almost a country/western feel, which is definitely NOT my favorite genre.
4. It’s peaceful and calm, which is an odd thing for me to write these days. Lately I’d gravitated more toward things which reflected angst and panic.
It’s called “Singularity”.
When you feel your insides getting brittle.
When the day has done your mind more whittle.
Lighten the mood for just a little…
Wipe from your lips the sorrow’s spittle.
Appease your spirit’s daily kittle,
and think twisted thoughts, smile a little.
Today is strange. Everyone around me looks strange. And I definitely feel strange. Pretty sure I doubled one of my meds,That and the fact I had about two hours sleep. Big contributing factors.
Thats all I got. Pretty dark today.
This is only my second post on here, my first post I wrote exactly how I feel and while doing this just desperately wishing I’d be blessed with a child and start a family with my boyfriend. But after one persons comment, I realised im not the only person whos feeling the way I am, upset about the things im upset about and feel helpless. Ive spoken to friends an they all have their own problems too, but what kept me down about myself is im the only person I knew of with my sort of issues and feelings. I hated it, but knowing someone […]
I’m so tired. My body is so tired, I can feel it. I’ve feeling nauseous all the time and my muscles feel sore. I can’t wake up without feeling I’ll throw up. My sight is getting blurry and my head hurts like hell. It’s getting harder to move. It’s getting harder to breathe.
It’s like my body is giving up on me.
Please, not yet. Please. You promised me.
Hello. I’m just not feeling it. I have a few more weeks left to go. No energy to get the stuff done though. I’m starting to get spastic. I have a feeling something is suppose to be happening now, but I just don’t know what it is. Like something is missing. My head is starting to feel a bit compressed. I feel like I need to be somewhere, I just don’t know where. Everything is out of place and it is starting to get annoying. I’m not too sure. It’s like I’m not suppose to be here. Well thank you for listening.
I used to be happy. I used to be full of joy. I used to be bursting with life. What happened? What made me feel this way, living with so much hate and emptiness? I’m an average person with nice friends, a caring family, and an endless amount of love in their heart, right? Wrong. That’s what people think about me, that’s what people believe that I am. Sadly, they don’t know the real me. In reality, I’m a wreck. I have had depression for a month, suffer from anxiety attacks, and lack motivation, not to mention the constant emptiness I feel. I recently started […]
So I’m a freshmen in a collage prep high school. I’ve suffered from depression since 6th or 7th grade. I have really bad anxiety and I’m extremely self conscious. IVe just been under a lot of stress and stuff and been thinking about self-harm and suicide. I think both are terrible things and I would never put my family through it but yet almost everyday I’ve been thinking of ways to kill my self. I know I haven’t got the guts to do it but I can’t stop my self from thinking about it. Nobody knows I suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts and I’m […]
Angry at a certain someone, but still feel okay.
Here’s what a supposed friend of mine said to me a few days ago. Since I’m an internalizer as my therapist calls it, it keeps playing over and over in my head and pissing me off all over again.
I used to feel so sad for you and your family. I’d pray for you guys, for God to comfort you and give you strength. Until I realized you don’t want to get better. Now I feel so sad for your mother, for all she is going through because of your “illness”.
You strike me as one person […]
Little angel go away and come again some other day,
The devil has my ear today I’ll never hear a word u say,
He promised I would find a little solace and some peace of mind whatever … just as long as I dont feel so,
Desperate and ravenous
So weak and powerless.
Basically i have been dating this guy for just over 3 months and honestly i know i like him a lot, just not love i think.
But my mum just made me dump him tonight
So i just feel empty and feel like crying, which i already have.. a lot
i dont know what to do
After what I’ve been through I am starting to feel a little proud of myself, just a little. I am still afraid of what my future may be, but I’m still breathing…
Im in angry state right now with all little things in my life that has happend. In first place I angry for me for not solving my social anxiety. In second place im a feel myself as failutre for not accomplishing much in life an in failing in many times in different areas of life. I angry at people because i think they take advantage of me or are not reliable. I SEE A LOT OF POSTS HERE WITH THESE COMPLAINTS. But at the same time i feel its all my fault for not going for it.Being a lazy ass and not trying. […]
Just a post to say thank you to the awesome dudes/girls who replied to my first post and helped me out. I am truly grateful that you cared enough to reply and offer me support and sympathy. And especially for not preaching the feel good bullshit that is on 99% of help sites online.
I kind of feel as if I’ve hit a point in life, as if I am waking up to who I really am. It is terrifying but I have to be me. No matter how I am on the outside, my soul and brain are still me. It’s time for me to […]
I’ve come so far, and have tried too hard to just give up now… But I’m angry, and I’m hurting deep inside too badly… I’m angry because everyone has tried so hard to help me, my therapist, psychiatrist, friends amd family… But no one can seem to rid me of this nightmare… I have tried so many medications just to be let down in the end… I’m angry because the last thing I want to do is give in now… I HATE the fact that I’m even considering suicide; but there is nothing left for me anymore…
I’ve tried to […]
I think that I’m past the point of being depressed. Feeling has gotten old and I’m tired of it.
I was doing good for a little while, after I had attempted and survived my first suicide attempt in high school. I found things that helped, like meditation and mindfulness.
I read some self help books that really changed the way I think (I’m only mentioning this incase someone reads this, I HIGHLY recommend you read some books by Eckhart Tolle: A New Earth & The Power Of Now)
I used to be a good person. I don’t know if I am anymore. It’s been a while since anyone […]
I can’t breathe, I can’t move, I can’t do this anymore. I just want it to end. Everything go black and disappear. I want to carve just to feel something other than this complete darkness that covers me. No one can help me. No one can help.