Why the hell are people so fucking stupid. I apologize for my foul language. Seriously. Some people do not care about rules. Rules are there for a reason, and there are many unwritten rules. There’s a college group that I’m in on Facebook. This one chick (who I do NOT like) decided to add someone to the group. That person may or may not even be going to that school. I don’t know why this angers me so bad. Normally I would brush it off but the group is specifically for people going to that college and graduating with us. You are invited to join when […]
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Hey loves. So I haven’t been on here in what seems like forever- and I see so many new faces! (Hello new faces:)
I don’t know if I’m coming back or if I’m just popping in- probably just popping in. Before I talk about me, I wanna say that I hope everyone is doing, at the very least, ok. Of course, I hope for adventurous magnificence for all of you, but I know that’s not always reality. Life, emotions, people, combinations of all three- they can constantly stand in your way to happiness. But I’m here to tell you that you deserve to push negative […]
We all have a different pain threshold and I have exceeded mine. I have planned my suicide, I have written a couple of notes and I am just waiting till I am home alone and I will do it. I attempted suicide early in the week and failed. Self preservation is really hard to get over, for me it requires a lot of strength and at the time I was weak, crying, crying and more crying. But now I can feel I can get over it. I am almost looking forward to death. No more suffering or pain. I’m quite excited.
I feel pointless even thinking about what I want, since the universe is against me, but first… I’ve found these videos that make me die laughing. This is my favorite, because it’s just so random and so ridiculous. But I’ve binge watched every video on the channel since yesterday when I found it. I prefer the videos without music, but for the live performances, those are best when they have very bad instrumentals too.
But anyway, I can’t claim to know if this is exactly what I want out of life because if I had it my way entirely, that would probably consist of winning the lottery, […]
Hello, everyone. This is a short play about fear and its meaning. The first act is called Reckoning.
The curtain rises and Zetsumei is seen sitting in a chair and is drinking something in a wine glass while reading a newspaper illuminated by a single light. He then takes out a cell phone and calls several people about a new attraction that opened up recently. The light slowly dims as Zetsumei smirks while the wine glass slips from his fingers and breaks on the ground.
The next day Zetsumei is seen staring at a cliched haunted house attraction then says, “Hello, everyone” before turning around. Zetsumei sees […]
I’ve been in bed all day . I feel absolutely nothing.
Except sadness . I wish I had people that loved me , friends .
Anything to make a light brighten inside me .
I can’t stay home any longer. I think I am going to go downtown and get coffee and see if people are playing music . I love it down there . In the arts district. People just play jazz on the streets. No one pays them any mind except me .
That’s how I feel. No one pays me any mind .
Today is hard . I wish my time was up.
A year ago, when I bought my burial plot and put a deposit on my tombstone, I was certain that I was doing the right thing. I only asked God to grant me one thing, and vowed that afterwards I would be willing to carry out my end of the bargain. I was granted the time I wished. Now, that time is over and I realize I no longer have that excuse. But although I already feel lifeless, I’ve discovered that I am too much of a coward to follow through. And, I also realize that God knew all along that I wouldn’t have the […]
I can’t stand being alive, I fucking hate it. I hate my family, I hate living in this house, I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without the thought of ending my useless self. When I wake up I’m in pain and even if I was able to fall asleep I get zero rest. Nothing gives me any sense of release. Cutting, drinking, smoking all make me feel worse. I’m so fucking alone. My room feels like a prison but its my only safe place. Only reason I haven’t tried offing myself again is because I know my dad would probably kill himself […]
Sometimes I feel dissociated from life. I am consumed yet still apart from sadness or anger or depression, like I’m treading in the middle of the ocean, watching the giant crests and seeing nothing but blue and overwhelming emptiness.
My dad started drinking again after a period of forced sobriety due to drunk hospital visits. I found out by being stopped in the stairs of the apartment building and warned that he was passed out for several hours and had been drinking for several days. He had already been back to the hospital. His liver and pancreas and brain are all fucked up.
It’s like dealing with […]
I went out, was invited got buzzed felt crappy, i hated being there, i hated myself, everyone there knew how messed up i was. I was there for hours. They offered for me to stay sleep over.. But i just wanted home. So i walked in the cold and went home. I wanted to stay but I didnt. Maybe I’ll stay next time.
I realized last night in the blitz of all the chaos of the party that I will never be happy . My god I am the most depressed person on this planet .
I wanted to kill my self last night . I drove home even though I was a little drunk but I’m a perfect driver . I wanted to drive off the road and crash into something . But I couldn’t do it . And I went home to lay in bed .
I wish I had done it .
It’s a cold autumn morning, early in May, and we were making our way into a rural township some five klicks from the nearest checkpoint. Just the five of us trekking through a treeline and making haste for a derelict well. One of the guys fixed eyes on a silhouette sat beside a bucket; they were within speaking distance:
“Hello there. Can you hear me?”
The silhouette remained still. We surrounded them from both flanks as I moved forward and approached them. It was a girl no older than nine, wearing a mossy green overcoat and gumboots, with her hands bound together — an ANZAC poppy sat […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
This is pretty different from my other posts (as I usually post poetry), but I was feeling it so I figured I might as well.
One of the things that can be found in my top-hat of issues is body dysmorphic disorder. Basically, this means that most of the time, I have a warped perception of myself.
I lost weight rather quickly in my senior year of high-school (250 lbs to 180 lbs), through exercise and healthy eating, and for some reason I thought that the weight-loss would solve all of my problems. It didn’t, and created new ones. My jeans said size 8, and my shirts […]
Wow. Seems like I’ll be spending New Years Eve on my own after a huge fight with my mom. A moment ago I wished that I would just fall asleep in a minute and never wake up anymore, and I still sort of do. I don’t want 2016. Everyone is telling me to be happy because 2016 is starting. It is just a year like normal. And I don’t believe that it will get better. Shit is still going on. In the last few weeks more shit has been going on than in the rest of 2015 and that shit is not going to stop. […]
Today is my birthday. I’m officially 22. I was born around 7 in the evening, only lived about 5 hours of 1993. What the fuck is so damn happy about it?
I have been trying to make the most of this day. I took a walk with my sisters to the park. Played on the swings like an 8 year old. I remember when I was that young. I chased around my little sister and nephew. It helped me forget for a moment.
I forgot that deep down inside, I’m fucking furious. Just that moment.
The urge to cut has been growing intensely. I don’t want to […]
I have no idea where to start this. I suppose I will begin with saying that it is 5:42 AM and I have accepted that I have grown so bored of life that I am beginning to think that maybe I just wasn’t meant to be alive. I have been bored for so fucking long I can’t even remember a time when I was genuinely interested in anything. I desperately need change in my life, I cant keep reliving the same god-damn day over and over it’s driving me insane. I am trying so hard to find something that will make me interested in living […]
Wow. Okay thats a thing.
Ive been passive aggressively making life harder for myself.
Exploiting all my health issues, especially the issues i know plague the bloodline. Picked up cancer sticks with the goal to burn through a pack a week…hell even depleted all my finacial resources knowing id be fucked when debt collectora come knockin.
Anything, to get sick to get hurt…to be ruined and yet.
A car that shouldve totaled me narrowly misses..my doc clears me of any bad news and now somehow i have money in the bank. Not just a few dollars but enough to get by the next few months.
I just […]
She always felt like an outcast in her family and friends.
Mostly when she talks, its as if she’s talking to the wind. No one respond or indicate that they hear her.
She’s never been anyone’s first choice. Or second. Always the last resort.
People try to dictate what she should do in life.
She’s quiet and they thought her weird and dumb.
She’s alone. Even in the midst of people.
She’s lonely and no one dare to approach her.
She’s depress and no one care to help her.
She wants to die. The thought that lays beyond her laughter and smiles.
How sad her life is. If only there’s one person that might […]
got to wake up at six this morning to feed the baby. as he fell asleep i’ve noticed that today is the last day of 2015 and it got me thinking what i’ve been through this year. i remember the last day of 2014. i sat on top of the roof and had the same exact thoughts. i remember watching the sun set and thinking the next time i’ll see it it will be 2015. in the evening i ordered a whole tray of pizza for myself and watched “the exorcist” as the clock passed midnight.
in january i moved from my parents’ house for the […]