I’m not gonna reveal my name, but you can call me Justin. I’m 13 and I’ve been secretly depressed since I was 12. My life is good as a whole, I have loving parents, and a loving brother (and family), but I still don’t feel loved. They don’t know I’m suicidal, but they might suspect it. I’m not asking for sympathy, but I have been thinking about suicide ever since I entered this new Catholic school. I am 95% convinced that I’m bisexual, and I’ve told some of my friends. They support my sexuality, but I need someone. Someone to love. Someone to hug. My […]
Tag:
my life
How can I go on when so many things that remind of all the negatives. My life is just a mess of associations of things I face to hurtful thoughts.
Just want this rough ride to be over. If someone is reading a book and even by a quarter in they arent enjoying it, wouldnt they just put it down?
My mood is seemingly leveling out after I cleared things up with a close one, and also simplified my life. I kinda closed the part of my life that concerned less than legal practices which did me wonders. I felt this impending sense of doom, like my life as I know and understand it could come to close. While a structured day with free meals and anal rape sounded lovely, what would I ever do without the internet? I still suffer from hyperhydrosis of the under-arms on a daily basis, which brings me enough tension to push me to the brink of suicide or total […]
Cold seems crippling lame meander through corridors aroma’s thick
with age mark off the day reflections of my life are fading
Pull me out of body don’t want it don’t want in,
Feeble frail and rotting descending I’m lost in,
A structure that’s collapsing don’t want it cast into,
Maker take the body don’t want it wants me
Past has found its place salvation is no more will god accept my
peace bleached will pardon me reflections of my life are fading
Pull me out of body don’t want it don’t want in,
Feeble frail and rotting descending I’m lost in,
A structure that’s collapsing don’t want […]
If I really think about this question, it comes down to basically two things. The people in my life who would be affected and the fact that I’m scared of something going wrong with my attempt. Another odd thought came into my mind. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE A BODY!! I don’t want somebody to have to come across me – lying there dead. I’ve always had a problem with blood (not that my method involves it) but, you know, just general messiness. I just want to disappear. I don’t even care if nobody remembers me. I just don’t want a fuss. In fact, it […]
Hmm… I can’t exactly be sure why I decided to come to this site, to post about it… But i need to get it out and off of my chest to people who i don’t know. I don’t want my friends and family to know how i feel.
I’ve been depressed as long as i can remember. I remember as a little kid crying and asking my mom weird questions such as
“How do you know if you’re depressed?” “What is depression” “Is depression feeling sad all day?”
I was probably only 6 or 7- but my dad had very bad depression so it wasn’t not talked about […]
There is someone in my life, who I have found myself to be in love with. I say it that way because it’s just that, one day it just hit me, hard. I have known her through my travels, on my way to work. I ride the bus. She’s everyone’s favorite. I know this because I ride a lot of busses in any given week. No other bus rides are like this. She’s such a kind, fun, kinda crazy person. She remembers things you say to her. I can’t imagine how many people she sees in a day, but yet she remembers you aren’t looking […]
I used to have many friends, all who would talk to me and lift me up through the deep/hard parts of life. But they keep walking away from me, as if I am not worth their time anymore. I do not blame them because I would walk away from me too if I could. I just wish I had more people in my life who actually cared about me and not themselves or their own person interests. For once, I want someone who will ask me how I am doing and keep talking to me even when I am down.
But the world is a cruel […]
I sit here with thoughts of suicide swirling around in my head.
I don’t know if there’s a purpose to my life; why was I born.
All my life I’ve wanted to be loved; no one has ever wanted me.
I feel such loneliness, so empty inside.
I wish I could cease to exist, I don’t want to live anymore.
I hate myself and wish I was dead.
🙁
I feel lost and very alone. I’m hurting, it’s nothing new and I have been for a very long time. The issue is I’m so alone. I have very few people in my life, and while I’m close to them I’m scared to ask for help. I love them so much I can’t stand the thought of dragging them down into the agony I’m feeling myself. I feel if I was gone they would mourn for a few months and move on faster than the horrible drama and ridicule that comes from dealing with “professionals”. I’ve been down that route and wasn’t helped. It got […]
I want to go back. Change everything. There was so much potential for happiness in my life. If only I hadn’t been such a fucking asshole. But now it’s too late. Now I’ve become this thing that I can’t let anyone see. I can’t make a connection with anyone because I have to put on an act. Pretend I’m a decent person, not a disgusting oxygen-thief. Can’t change myself to become decent. There’s some things you can’t come back from. I’m not sure what the right thing would be from this point. I’m guessing it would hurt. A lot. Me, and my family. A whole […]
I literally don’t know what else to say except for “I just can’t do this anymore” I am divorced from a man who abused me to the point that I don’t even know who I am anymore. He is VERY wealthy and is currently in hiding in Denmark with my daughter whom he went against court order and kidnapped. She already had a passport signed by both of us because we traveled quite a bit for his work.
As of right now he cannot be found. I have run out of all my savings due to having to pay 2 lawyers, one here in the states, and […]
My ex-fiance broke my heart. Yep. He broke off our engagement and continues to beat me emotionally until I’m numb. I want to die. I want someone to take this pain away from me. But nobody ever does. So I think I’ll end my pain. I think I’m going to die today. Don’t tell me life’s worth the fight. My whole life has been one painful experience after another. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been crying out for help for years. I thought he was going to help me. He broke me in ways I never thought were possible. I will probably never be […]
Promises they’re broke before they’re made or I’ve made a lot of mistakes (in my mind)
written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)
It may just be the caffine crash talking but i feel like shit. There is a hefty amount of optimism in my mind about he future. But i have doubts and i dont have the energy to do all I’d like to do. Also that pesky anxiety though the aforementioned(in another post) ashwaghanda is helping. I pray. I didn’t always but i pray a lot nowadays. Even if it just in my mind it helps. Depression is just a *****. I think of death and life evenly now. It’s not a battle more of a friendly debate between respected rivals. I’m just hoping that my […]
This hurts my heart more than anything in the world. He graduated from high school, he’s 20 yrs old he knows this society is bullshit and he doesn’t want to work his life away to get nowhere. The part that really scared me was when he was talking about taking other people out with him.
He is upset with my cousin because he uses my grandmother. She has always been an enabler. She let’s him sell her script of Narco to get money but he doesn’t even need it! He takes pictures of himself holding up tons of cash and fronting like he’s working and all […]
There were many indications and hints long ago that something is off about me. There was a big fear that this thing that I call a life would never function like it is suppose to. Did anyone help? I don’t feel like they did but knowing how delusional I can be with my mind only thinking so negatively, they probably did.
Was it it helpful, I can easily say that no it didn’t really help me. Here I am years later with all of my issues amplified with new ones created. All of these problems coupled with the lack of energy that holds me down every […]
Two times in my life I have almost ended everything. After the first time I never got the help I really needed, and just went on assuming things would get better on their own. Two years later I found myself in the same spot, and this time I was serious. I went to do it, and a phone call from a friend turned into me telling them what I was about to do. They immediately came and got me, and I lived to see another day. I’ll spare you the details of my attempts, but my point is not where I was, but where I […]
I’d like to start by thanking you for taking time out of your day to read this. I, like most writers, write as a means of expression, but to have my writing viewed by you is even more rewarding, for my thoughts are then able to be shared and acknowledged.
You may or may not have been a previous reader of mine, but for many years I wrote these blogs, and upon completion of each of them I was always able to derive from them a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. To read people’s feedback was equally rewarding, as […]
To let you all know that think about suicide that life is for a reason. I have suffered from brain cancer and depression; and I thought that my life was worthless. But I started to see a therapist and I took medicines. Now I am in school and I help anyone with common issues.
So I was 5 years old and I was told that I had cancer. I have had lots of treatment, with medicine with lots of needles. So I had 4 years of treatment and I have been in remission ever since. Then after being a 6 years cancer survivor, I started […]
There is nothing worse that not knowing how you feel; than having inexplicable feelings. It really is the worst feeling in the world. Not being able to express how you feel or what you want is the most disgusting and awful feeling you could ever possess.
Why does it happen? How is it even possible?
“You must know how you feel, you’re the one feeling it”
No. Because if I knew I wouldn’t dread every single day. If I knew I wouldn’t be numb and confused all the time over nothing. I don’t know how I feel about anything, and I don’t think I ever […]