So after finding out I owe my college more money than I thought the other day I told my mom I was giving up and I didn’t care about my life anymore. Of course she never takes it serious when I talk to her about suicide/ depression. So today she wouldn’t stop harassing me to get my W2’s so I could get my tax return (which won’t even be a couple hundred dollars) and I told that I already I was giving so why would I even file, since my dad already filed me as a dependent even though he doesn’t buy anything for me, […]
I’ve become a different person to who I was when I first came here and that’s a good thing. I still crave emotion and pain and fear as a a substitute for the other emotions missing from my life, but I no longer contemplate killing myself. I don’t know how, I haven’t received therapy, I haven’t changed much around me, but I’ve grown because I stuck it out and even now things aren’t perfect but I’ve been able to help and understand so many other people because I didn’t let myself die.
please take the time to reconsider, things do change for the better or worse, […]
My days are usually awful.
Today is one of those days.
Can anybody hear me? It doesn’t seem like it. It doesn’t seem like anyone cares. I need someone.
My friends don’t understand being diagnosed with depression. They dismiss the fact that I’m on medication and just tell me to “snap out of it” and “stop being so sad” and “choose to be more positive.”
Are you kidding me?
Every day is a struggle. Every day I just want to disappear.
The worst part is that everyone thinks that just because I don’t have anything really wrong in my life, I cannot be depressed. But that’s not how it works. Depression […]
I haven’t been on here in a very long time, I don’t even recognize any of the users now. I stopped posting because I didn’t think it was really helping me, but I’m really needing a place to share how I’m feeling again.
I thought things were getting better for a while, I had a counselor and I was on antidepressants for a while. The antidepressants were helping but then we found out that I’m severely allergic to most medications. The only medication I wasn’t allergic made me incredibly sick all the time and made me feel worse. My counselor was very nice, but all she […]
I keep trying to fill that void inside
it feel like life is just passing by
looking in the mirror iv totally lost who I am the cuts relieve the pressure
can you save me from my self
Is it possible to have nostalgia for things you’ve never had or experienced? It’s like, maybe watching television and reading books isn’t such a great idea, because I see their lives, and I want them. Not all the drama, but the freedom, I guess. The friendships. The honesty. I wish I had those things growing up. And I look back on my life so far, and I feel like I’m missing my younger years. Then I remember what shit my younger years were, and I realize I’m missing what I missed. I’m missing the things that other people have. Maybe that’s more like envy, but […]
I tried to kill myself(via shitload of pills) yesterday and it just feels so weird ending up waking up and having to get ready for school and have a normal day. I knew my life was fake, but today I suddenly understood why. Is this my life now?
I’m not even sure how to start. I pulled up from work crying. (And that was before I read Nidda’s post i started really bawling then) Im just defeated in this moment. I will be fired soon because of the urealistic productivity standards. Im listening to an audiobook called the Confidence Gap. Its main focus is that you cant control what thoughts pop in your head but how long they stay. Also it is irrelevant how true a thought is but how helpful one […]
I can’t do this anymore. I keep getting beaten down and its exhausting. I’m tired. People keep telling me that “you’re so beautiful” or something along those lines, but they can’t see what’s inside of me; inside I am blackened and crumpled and there is only a faint glow of life but it’s about to go out. I have been struggling on my own for 3.5 years now and I can’t do it anymore. I’ve been crying out for help but my “friends” either don’t care and walk away or they don’t know me well enough to recognize my pleas. For a little while I […]
this is a cry for help.
it’s not a yelp for attention, for sympathy, for flowers and hugs and cards.
it’s a plea, to see me, to notice that i exist.
i feel like the world is listing, tilting slowly towards the tipping point. i pray to god above that the earth will straighten itself out, and that all the anger and hate in me turns back into the love it once was.
i want to go to the hospital, but i have too many commitments in my life right now. actually, scratch that, i don’t want to go to the hospital; doing that is a sign that i […]
Just because, I smile, doesn’t mean I don’t know pain
Just because, I laugh, doesn’t mean I’m not hurting inside
Just because, I don’t cry every moment of the day , doesn’t mean I don’t want to
Just because, I can seem strong, doesn’t mean every little thing can’t break me
Just because, I seem happy and okay, doesn’t mean I am
Just because, I say ” I’m fine “, doesn’t mean I am
Just because, I look like I’m independent, doesn’t mean I don’t need love
Just because, I am not saying this […]
The way my life has turned out makes everyday a battle for me. It’s not one of those stories where I have a recognized disability and with effort I am overcoming it while people are proud. Technically I should be a fully functional human being.
I suffer from the most basic aspects of life. I can’t make simple decisions or do simple things. A trip to the grocery store is even something hard, which I avoid and end up screwing it up.
One could wonder how can you screw that up. I get confused and trapped by numbing thoughts and then I resort to negative self defeating […]
I am always sad for no reason. I cry myself to sleep alone in my room. I write poems on wattpad how I feel about the world. I always wonder why I’m still living, it’s for people I care about my mom, my friends. My friends don’t give a damn about me but I still love them. I can’t look in the mirror without insulting myself. I literally have no point in this messed up world. It is the ugliest place I’ve ever been. I have lost my sanity that I have made a finger puppet to talk to. Afew days later I stopped talking […]
(I apologize in advance for any spelling errors, I suck at using a touchscreen)
Ok, well my story is probably nothing special, I just need to get this out somehow, but as you can probably tell I have suicidal depression. Their really isn’t much bad about my life, I just really hate myself, I literally (actual literally, not figuratively literally) have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I hate my personality, I hate my gender, I hate that I’m asexual, I’m 16 and I watch My Little Pony, I’m incredibly stupid, I hate how I look so much that I can’t stand looking in a mirror and I […]
It’s finals week for us and I don’t know if I can take it any longer. My mom told me if I wanted to be a scientist, I’d have to move to another country because the government wouldn’t support my projects here and that someone might kill me, especially since I want to protect the environment here and people (like poachers, smugglers, and corporations) tend to try to kill those that do so. But the problem is, I want to work here and my parents think I should be either a doctor or go to another country. And my parents are sort of trying to […]
I’m never going to be the same, it’s still here in my head and it’s not going away. The voice in my head.
He’s me but not me, how do you describe yourself when you don’t even know who you are anymore. He knows me better than anyone else, better than my parents ever will, better than my “friends” ever will. I don’t think even she can save me anymore. It’s been too long.
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to go to university to study maths. Now I can’t hardly do a sum without thinking about her, or what I’ve done since, what I’m […]
This is a first, reaching out because I’ve reached my end thinking this is going to take so much energy to write and expecting no response it hardly seems worth the effort. I’m a walking contradiction… I’ve read a few enteries and like some of you, I suffered a horribly abusive childhood however I can’t get over it. That said, I’m house bound, self inflicted. I haven’t left my house in ages, afraid of being judged, having to talk, seeing someone I know and having to pretend that my life is perfect which it isn’t. I’ve lots of bad habits, one of many is talking […]
Woke up as some of you know at the unholy hour of what was it….2:30ish am…..ordering coffee from room service. I sat out on my balcony and drank the whole pot they brought me before retiring back to bed where I slept and dreamed in circles. Same thing kept happening over and over and over….annoying.
*Yep, still wearing Danny boys sweatpants…I do love these things*
Got up a couple of hours ago, took a nice hot bath but not before ordering more coffee and a couple bottles […]
Thought it was as good a day as any.
The day of love.
I class myself as a very loving compassionate person,
so why not also die on a day that represents me.
Some may have seen a positive post I wrote.
Well guess what? It didn’t last. All happy days must come to an end.
I haven’t been on here for a few days because I smashed my computer
so had no way of accessing this site.
I had a rage attack which ended in me attempting to end my life
but yet again was intervened.
So everyone, as much as I try to be positive and make others feel better,
I’m unable to do […]
I don’t know if it’s just me or not. I like the idea of eternal peace and tranquility, or death to simplify things. I think of dying everyday (literally) but the actual process of dying sickens me. To think of my bodily functions shutting down, my thoughts and consciencenous disappearing; the step back into the eternal calm of non-existance. To me the process of shutting down, as I said, sickens me but I also know that it is something that we all must experience eventually (which begs the question of why we are borne only to die but I digress).
I don’t think I’m alone on […]