There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I know I’ve already posted tonight, but I couldn’t get rid of my energy. I ended up working on this drawing of Oliver Sykes and Josh Franceschi.
It’s not finished – I still need to work into their faces and tweak some of their facial features- but I’m about to move on to doing something completely unrelated, and I thought I’d post what I’ve done so far while I’m still somewhat focused on it. It’s good enough considering the state I’m in right […]
I’ve just started using this site so I’m not sure if anyone would know my story, but if you don’t here is the detailed you might need to understand the rest of my rant.
A year and three months ago, my lifelong best friend committed suicide. Since then, I have fallen into a multitude of bad habits, bad treatments, bad situations, bad moments, and really, just an overall bad life. All the friends I had left when she died. The only person I have right now is my boyfriend. Also, you might need to know I’m a cashier. Like I said, please excuse my rant and […]
That is my fate. As a social misfit I live a hermit-like existence and that fcuks you up. They gave me Zoloft on Friday and guess what – within 2 hours of going to bed I was wide awake [and in a terror induced cold sweat at the thought of a long long empty day] When you are a deeply depressed deeply anxious hermit the last thing you need is more hours to kill. I already have serious trouble doing that. I expect to develop psychosis like so many other poor, socially isolated individuals. Suicidal depression is one thing, and I can kinda live with […]
I just want someone to vent to, but I have no friends, I was once close to my siblings but I think they all kind of just got tired of me, and everyone else who is supposed to be my support system tells me people have it worse than I do so I have no reason to be depressed and quite honestly I have no Idea why my depression started, but I do know what triggered my suicidal tendencies and what is keeping me down and I want someone to listen with the intention of understanding and no just to reply. I want that without […]
I can’t honestly say right now that there’s anyone I love. I’m just too afraid of it. Until I was 20, I was determined not to date or do anything that might lead to loving someone. I knew I struggled with emotion regulation, so I figured all the strong emotions involved would mess me up. That’s still an issue for me.
But a bigger issue is my fear that someone I love might at some point completely depend on me for a long time. That might be my worst fear of all. If that happened, trying to take care of them would certainly exhaust my limited […]
I’m waiting, and today I can’t seem to be patient. I need you, I need your words. I need to read. It’s been dark today. You are mt crutch tonight and I hate myself for letting myself think that way. I don’t need a crutch, what am I doing? I’ve sunk a little more today. It’s been at a constant rate for days.
My own thoughts.
Stop fucking sinking. God, you’re pathetic.
I’m nobody’s child, I’m nobody’s child
I’m like a flower just growing wild
No mommy’s kisses and no daddy’s smiles
Nobody wants me, I’m nobody’s child
I just can’t seem to understand
Why the folks all pass me by
‘Cause I know that it’s true that God takes
Little blind children with him in the sky
And they tell me that I’m oh so pretty
And they seem to like my big curls of gold
But then they take some other little child
And […]
I am not a very religious person and I still am not close with my “spiritual side”, but I am going to try another time and turn to God to help me through whatever.
I am saying goodbye to you SP. I’m deleting my old posts and I’m going to burn my black book and anything else I used for “coping”. I simply don’t need them anymore.
I’ve tried in the past to read the bible and pray to God, but nothing came of it. I am going to try harder and build actual faith instead of pretending this time.
My advice to you all is just give […]
I kept telling myself I would do it.
First I smoked some bud. Then I grabbed my backpack, drove to a parking lot along the river.
I crossed the railroad tracks, and tied the backpack straps around my waist as I made my way to the water.
I was still wearing nice shoes, but I figured it wouldn’t make any difference, so I waded in the water.
I had every intention of doing this. I stood there, having blocked any thought of turning around. I took another step forward, feeling my leg sink into the soot deeper than I thought. My heart raced.
I was able […]
Escape. That’s what we desire. Want. Who doesn’t need to be wanted? This is our shot.
The reason we feel so empty and vile about ourselves isn’t our fault, it’s our
environment. We are one and the same and we need to take steps to stay alive. That’s
why I’m leaving to roam the country, feel free and alive again…like I did before and
I’m inviting any of you to join me. All we need is each other. There is unity in who
we are. We may be the black sheep, the broken hearted, the crazy psychos. But we are
also the explorers, the innovators, […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Today has been a good day done two drawings and finished my song was singing my heart out need to record it now
I know this mood won’t last so need to make the most of it when your depressed you sometimes get a glimps of light in the darkness but the flame burns out very quickly then it’s back to the darkness to fight with my demons once more
hows everyone ? Darktide were u at my friend
I feel kind of embarrassed for coming back here. It’s been at least two or three months since I wrote anything or even read other’s thoughts. I thought I was feeling better and didn’t need to come back here and I was going to delete this account and act as if I never belonged here. I’m glad I didn’t delete it. For the past few months things have been going fine. I finished a few online classes and been more social. Thing is, I still feel lonely. In the beginning of March my grade went on a trip and I bunked with three other friends. […]
I haven’t been here in a while… Which sounds good. It means I am trying to move on and maybe I will succeed.
Since than I have started to work out. Here is my fatball face with my workout buddy:
And I got my dream catcher tattoo which I was really excited about.
I am still planning my working in London, I […]
my mom noticed the long scar on my arm when i rolled my sleeve up a little to wash my hands. god did i panic. i told her my friend’s cat scratched me ages ago and that it was my fault since i bothered it… i think she bought it but christ was i scared. i didn’t want another sobbing lecture about how selfish i am and how much i need jesus. (or worse, another expensive visit to the ER.)
hey does anyone here play fire emblem fates? it’s been good at keeping me distracted from suicidal ideation. i love a good […]
I thank creater for helping me to post what I feel, who are here also people same as me. Who went, running through lowest points. I appreciate your comments for my older posts. But after one year I can’t exactly tell I’m fine. I surely need your help till my death. Thanks for reading.
I read almost every post on SP but I rarely ever post. I take comfort in all of your words and witty banter. I feel like a stalker, lol. Thank you guys, for what it’s worth. I guess I just need to vent today because I feel so lost and alone. I have suffered with suicidal ideation on and off for most of my life. Came close twice but failed. I’m 40 now. No husband, no children, no boyfriend, no job. In January I was laid off and I decided to be strong and try to make big changes in my life and the depression […]
…That is a lie. There are times when I can go whole hours without noticing it.
But any time I have to do something involving conscious thought, up it pops. My body is hard-wired to react negatively to encounters with reality. Everything is just another sign that I’m inferior. That I will never live up to my own expectations. That I’m a failure as a human-being.
I’m trying to accept these feelings. This despair that smothers me. But it’s exhausting. I get a few hours a day when I feel strong enough to function, but the rest of the time I just want to curl up and […]
You say we have it easier
But that’s a lie.
You hid in fear.
We say, “So do I.”
The words written.
It all cuts deep.
Pictures taken.
Terrible things we begin to believe.
We don’t mean to cause a fuss.
You just don’t understand.
We didn’t need anyone to hit us.
We had the hands.
Quit letting us down.
You’re blinded by your past.
Things are different now.
Your time has passed.
Emotional pain.
The scars you see.
No confidence to gain.
We pray to be free.You had it bad
But we do, too.
Please don’t be mad.
We’re just screaming the truth.