I started a new job today, my first full-time job in six months. I wish I could give it a chance, but my mind won’t let me. So many times today I asked myself why I dragged myself back into this grind when three months ago I was so ready to just say fuck it and end it all. I feel like now I’ve just taken on more expectations and added a whole new set of people I’m probably going to let down the next time I have a really bad couple of weeks. Part of me clearly doesn’t want to give up, but the […]
Fist things first. Since this is a tale of redemption it needs a soundtrack. What better than Cordless’s ode to HDS:
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Hyper-Haze.mp3
Now for the tale…
Last May I was at the pet store buying kibble or something related to cats when I found myself staring at the feeder tank. For those folks unfamiliar with feeders they are these little goldfish that are sold to feed to other fish. They are considered throw away fish. I stood there for fifteen minutes watching these little fish swim around, crowded, frantic. They didn’t know their own fate, they only knew the tank they resided […]
It’s extremely sad and unfortunate when I realize that the majority of my depression and anxiety stems from my relationship with my ex. Would I be depressed and have anxiety if it weren’t for him? Yes. But I was never this bad until we broke up.
We talked last night. We decided to be just friends a while back, maybe a month or so ago… but since then he was seriously avoiding me. It caused me severe depression. I cry often. I can’t listen to music because 90% of music is about love. My heart breaks every moment. It’s bad. Anyway, he explained last night that […]
So, I already had my initial appointment with my new psychiatrist. He said he was familiar with existential depression but was not too familiar with existential psychotherapy. He asked about all the anti-depressants I’ve tried and I told him I’ve tried them all and I don’t respond except experiencing the horrible side effects. He wrote me a prescription for Remeron, which now I recall I was on before and had extreme fatigue and dizzy spells from so I am not taking the medication.
Today I had my first appointment with the therapist who the psychiatrist wanted me to see for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) even though […]
Hello. In a few hours I have an interview and it’ll probably be a disappointment. But for right now I wanted to ask you a question. What do you guys do for entertainment? How do you guys get your mind off of things. I play video games and watch youtube ( I love game grumps and I’m watching the new episode right now). I also love animation. Not working on it, but seeing the process and the final product is so cool. I have major respect for anyone who can animate. It’s just so cool to see it all come together. So what do you […]
woild be nice to chat now and again support each other get to no Each other more help each other though the rough dark lonely nights i know it’s a living hell battling everyday but guy your a totally welcome to my email me any time if u got a problem need advice or some to unload of we can all help each other indigojones5@gmaildotcom
buenos noches love and light stay strong (hugs) hi5 il been on in a new days or so
Hope everyone going ok anyone heard from GT ? Did he succeed ? Anyone gone ? I hope not please try stay strong I have been on in a wile so what new to the suicide club
hay guys I’m still alive iv been trying to keep busy just in case you was wondering how has everyone been holding on I hope we’ll I’m not sure when the next time il post again but if u want to chat feel free to email me new and oldies on here indigojones5@gmail.com
darktide cordless hazy phantom crowbar procel and a few other names iv been thinking of you guys thanks for the support I appreciate that we have met and help each other though some rough dark nights thanks you everyone who is joined to suicide club
drowning hi5 everyone stay stong il be back like […]
Today, surprisingly, I wasn’t as hyperactive for a few hours. I still wasn’t anywhere near the ‘normal calm’, but I wasn’t talking constantly and I didn’t rush around everywhere as much.
Although, it’s gotten bad again as time has got on. It’s now 2AM, and I’m somewhat “calmer” again – but I can feel the hyperness coming back.
My mum found out I’ve done no work for college over the holiday – which ultimately means I’ll fail this year and be kicked off the course – and she yelled at me non-stop for a good half hour.
I’ve tried to tell her I’ve had more important things to […]
So it seems like every time things seem okay then they just go to shit. Today I was driving my car when the engine died, but the car was still going because the speed I was already traveling at. Since the engine died the brakes and power steering went out right before a curve in the road so I had to try and get the car around the curve. I did and I got it stopped. I wish I would have been going faster when it happened so I could have just let the car go and let it kill me.
My job has stopped giving […]
For as long as I can remember, I didn’t think life was worth living because everything in my eyes was absurd, then I met a guy, started talking to him and he made me feel loved, he gave me a reason to smile again, But on October 20th I got word that my nephew had committed suicide. I hit a new low. I was at ROCK BOTTOM. Getting that news was paralyzing. I felt like my dreams were ripped from my very hands, torn, and thrown in my face. I started to shut everyone out including the guy who was my light for several months. […]
Hey guys .. I haven’t been on since January or the beginning of February . I’ve been so busy with my job .
Let’s just say my life has dramatically changed in the past few months . I got a new job and have been making good money , and met a whole new set of friends . I never thought my life could change so quickly . I was doing really well but I feel like I’ve been slipping off into my depressed state again. But it’s not as bad as before.
I realized a lot about my self over the past few months . I’ve […]
So all my characters have names now thanks for the help guys how’s everyone doing today I see a lot of new people coming to the suicide club welcome guys hay let’s chat I’m bored and want more characters ideas comment or email me indigojones5@gmail.com
Im going to bed now. (1am)
Hoping for a nightmare or weird dream, something to make me feel different and think something new or something like that.
All I can think right now is sadness and despair. Very unhealthy I would imagine. But when have I been healthy? No I want to wake up in a sweat to some crazy freak dream about some crazy thing and have a realization and or epiphany. I wish.
Goodnight. Sweet dreams, at least not me.
To do list:
Write a book.
Buy a new package of blades.
Consider seeing a therapist.
Buy vitiams
Go insane.
The blade is finally too dull to do damage. No matter how much you press it does little damage. And I don’t want to get stitches, so best not to press full force. I can’t wait to be re-united with a fresh blade.
(“The kit”
Open Pandoras box
I dare you
Tripple dog dare
I’m laughing
Clueles
Even you
Maybe I’ll turn blue
Screaming thank you
Pathetic
That’s what they are
Trying to save you
When they have […]
Hi guys. I’m still here! And by here, I mean alive. Maybe I don’t feel all mentally there 100% of the time. I’m not recovered by any means. But, I’m significantly better. Medicated with prescriptions that work so well for me. I’ve changed. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I have more friends now. I have a boyfriend. Yeah, he lives in England and I’m in the USA. It’s not ideal. But I’ve never been so in love in my life. Am I allowed to write shit like this? Am I allowed to be happy? Regardless, I’m dying to share what I’ve been […]
I haven’t had any time to many any new videos or learn and other requests, but these are some of the pieces i know from my favorite pianist. Hopfully, you’ll upload a video of you playing too some time 😀
Comment your favorite one!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3zXHJJLwLs&feature=youtu.be
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Almost-Nothing.mp3
.
I got inspired by those of you who posted yourselves playing music these past few days.
I’ve posted other things I’ve written before, but today I wondered what I could finish in exactly one hour.
So I started a new piece and set myself a time limit.
One hour, no more.
Because of the time constraint, I wasn’t able to include complex instrumentation. I settled on a simple piano piece.
I call it “Almost Nothing”, because it is short and simple.
Thirty-eight measures long, starting in A-minor and ending in C-major.
Started at 5:24 this afternoon, ended at 6:24.
It’s not my favorite thing I’ve ever written, but it was fun […]
Three guys walk into a motel to get a room for the night.
The attendant, a new hire, is unsure how to charge three people for one room. So he decides on $10 each, totaling $30. Each guy pays with a $10 bill.
The manger comes to check on the new attendant. He informs him, the room is $25 regardless of number of occupants. The manager gives the attendant five $1 bills, instructing him to take the men a refund.
The attendant, knowing each man paid $10, can’t decide how to split $5 between the three guys. So he pockets $2, gives each of them $1 […]
It’s my first day at my new job today. I curled my hair.
