when the demons inside you come out to play……
Tag:
old
English: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEgmxilFyaI
Japanese: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idLksB9YUIw
In order to just breathe, I keep meaningful songs in my arsenal until another day comes along. This is one of them, a powerful melody.
“As time is passing on and all my limbs are slowly growing along
The things to love’s a multiplying song
And its growth, is racing at a stupid rate, my only option is hate
So I just have to throw them out with no doubt
And so that I am able to provide you with love
The greedy person that hides inside me
Would soon see, that he would have to stop adoring everything that he is;
The clumsiness was a creation […]
I haven’t posted in awhile. Probably no one even noticed. If you did, I’m sorry for not posting. Stupid asshole me for actually thinking someone would care. I think when I last posted I was manic. Ended up in the hospital for that. Don’t believe them when they say they won’t put you in the hospital for cutting. I’m getting too old for this bullshit. So they change my meds and I end up with major depression. I wouldn’t even go to the docs except I want my Klonopin and Ambien. Also, I need them to certify me so I can keep getting my disability […]
I’ve been to this site before (years ago) but never had the courage to sign up. But now.. Here I am. I’m gonna keep my story short
Depressed since I was in grade 3. Parents are always arguing. They aren’t the most supportive parents. A sibling that would torment me. High school was nothing but torment. I was a loner.
I’m now 26 years old and my life is still shit. I know the whole cliche “Your life will get better.” It does, but it can also gets worst.
I wish to be happier, but I can’t.. I feel like.. I don’t deserve any happiness.
As I […]
Been a while since I posted here… I bought a gun I put it in my mouth and I wanted to pull the trigger but I couldn’t. Anyway at that point I started to see the lighter side of things and now I’m back to the dark and I’ve hit deep space black hole dark. I got a loan for 2500 a month and a half ago and my intention was to go see a woman in Canada that I used to mess around with… You know because we both still have feelings for each other. Well I blew that money at a strip club. […]
Hello sp peeps.
I found this site a billion years ago. I wonder who of the old regulars are still alive and kicking? I see I must’ve deleted all my old posts except 3.
I am back here now, at this moment because something came over me tonight. (jesus mind the phrasing pls)
Hang in there and you can fucking beat this!!!
Ps. I kinda sorta got married this year <3
Last post on here before this one was somewhere mid September 2013.
Keep it real folks, don’t do stupid shit and know – there’s ALWAYS someone listening even if it is someone that you’ve never met or seen before, believe […]
I almost did it…. I tied a rope around the door and put my head through the loop…. As I stood there, standing on a stool, all I kept thinking about was my 4 month old son…. I started so feel so fucking guilty… If I do this… Will he have a fucked up life? Will his father give him up, neglect him… Would he think that this was his fault and that I didn’t love him…. I just can’t. I climbed down off the stool and thought to myself.. What the fuck r u doing. Ur such a weak *****!
I’m flirting with death since a long time now, but I really can’t find the courage to do it. I have made an attempt a few years ago. It made me lay three months in the hospital with major injuries. At least when I was at the hospital I had the feeling that my family cared about me. Now I’m spending every day on my own and I can’t stand it anymore. I lost my left eye when I was a baby and it keeps haunting me. I’m 21 now and the thought that people get like 80-100 years old really creeps me […]
I heard from an old friend again yesterday. He’s this 20 year old kid who has a hard time dealing with life and figuring out what he wants and who he is. I’ve known him since he was 16 but never met in person because he lives way too far away. He looks up to me for advice and such but he will talk to me for a few days then disappear for months on end, leaving me to feel like I can’t rely on him coz he’s just a kid. He waited until he was 18 to tell me that he liked me and […]
You tend to forget how sadness and depression can have various different aspects to it. Just different types. Here I go, for another round, and I know that I’m not ready for this and honestly, I know there is never a good time, but this has got to be the worst time. This old life was actually starting to get a bit of flare and things were all good for once, despite the massive fuck ups. Its been such a shit year and for a few months things were appearing to be very pleasant. Just going through day by day, not having to worry, just being […]
I don’t think this is just me, but I’m not sure. Yesterday, I was having quite an excellent day. I am a pretty darn busy person, so being able to have some down time in my room was cool. I didn’t really have anything to do- and all the sudden, all I wanted to do was cut. I tried to run away from the feeling so I went to the gym to run it off. I came home, and was yet again consumed by the desire to cut. I wasn’t sad, depressed, or angry- it was just a reoccurrence of an old habit. Unfortunately, I […]
I have known my husband for 5 years, married for 3.
I have come to the conclusion that one does not know loneliness until married to someone who ignores you.
Intimacy and sex are very important to me. I love cuddling, massaging, touching, and making love to my husband. My husband does not reciprocate very much. And now he also doesn’t have sex very much. My husband has depression. In the last 6 1/2 months we have had sex 4 times. 4 (that’s four) times in 6 1/2 months (little over half a year). We used to have sex everyday.
My husband also likes to […]
I gradually begin to understand that love is beyond time and age. No matter how old the person we love becomes, we still fight for their happiness and see everyday with them as a gift to cherish. And there is happiness that comes along with every single day that passes.
There is a lot more to love I am yet to learn. And with you, I am learning, step by step, every single day.
I realize now that it was his fault. I was too young to understand, & although I’m still young, I understand it better now. He was a piece of shit who took advantage of me. I don’t even think I actually consented; I think I just did it because it was what he wanted me to do. But now, I see that it was wrong & I never deserved it. I fucking hate him. You don’t take advantage of a 13 year old girl when you’re 24, you fucking sick piece of trash.
I’m contemplating, stewing, thinking, and I can’t see any exits. I’m poor; well-educated (I have two Bachelor’s degrees in different fields) but not in the right fields, too old to retrain in a new field, and crushed beneath a depression that I can’t get out from under. Soon I’ll be evicted, and my car will be repossessed; I’m in arrears on both, despite working every day. I can’t afford my anti-depressant medication. I can’t afford therapy. I’m divorced, have been for a while, and haven’t been on a date in years (not for lack of trying, but I’m a bit heavy, and I have the […]
Hello, whoever uses this site.
A few years ago, I used to post here. Sometimes quite regularly. I’m sat by myself in an empty room, and something possessed me to re-read all my old posts and I thought, why not update my life a little. I’m sure all the people who used this site when I did are gone, maybe even dead. But I do hope that there are still people here.
It’s been almost 2 years and one of the main changes in myself, is that I am appalling at explaining my feelings and emotions now. I am slightly jealous of my old selfs […]
Im a couple months away from being 30 and i have felt like dying every single day since I was 12 years old. I remember the exact day i realized i didnt want to live. I have friends, i date, i have things im passionate about, a good job. Nothing traumatic happened to me in my youth. I just dont have whatever biological imperative that makes people want to live. My closest friends and mother know about it. My mom is the reason i havent, ive begged her to let me go. I dont want to transfer my pain to her, i want her to […]
Lately I’ve been asking myself one question. What’s the point of everything I’m doing?
Why am I trying?
Who really even care’s what happens to me?
See I’m a single mom of two. I have a two year old and a four year old. An ex who doesn’t give two flying chicken nuggets about them and a family that more or less feels like they despise me lately. I can’t get over no matter how hard I try people still seem to hate me for some reason. I screwed up and called a close friend a friend today and he got upset because he was hoping for the […]
I’m so fucking sick of this shit…every fucking day is filled with bullshit…my once saintly patience and ‘don’t sweat the small stuff attitude are long gone…ground down to nothing with having to deal with shitheads…spineless pieces of shit…petty fucking assholes and fucking idiots all day long everyday for what seems like an eternity. I would blow my head off now if it wasn’t for my daughter…2.5 years old…the thought of her being raised by her fucking stubborn-ass mother and her fucking retarded white trash family makes my skin crawl…everything I do is criticized and every imperfection magnified 100x…I am at the end of my rope…I […]