I think this is the beginning of the end. My 15th birthday was almost a month ago, I wasn’t ever suppose to make it that far. I’m suppose to be dead, I want to be dead. It’s the summer where I live and everyone seems to be having the time of there life, everyone except me. I don’t leave my house, my bed to be more specific. I don’t need to leave the house in order to feel judged, I’m my worse critic. I’m not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, I’m nothing that anyone wants. I don’t even like myself, let alone love myself. […]
Tag:
Reason
Just message me if your looking for a reason not to kill/ hurt yourself.
by -alone-
written by -alone-
Am I wrong for saying if people want to hurt/ kill themselves it’s okay? o – o
Like I understand if your crying out for help and want to change that’s okay, and I’ll even try to help.
Because if you were really going to kill yourself you wouldn’t say anything… or at least I wouldn’t…
Any ways It wouldn’t matter what people say.. but if your really trying and looking for a reason not to do it message me on my email and I’ll talk to you I will be there for you.
Sorry to the people that will be & were, Â “Butt-Hurt.” By my thoughts.
If you are […]
I’ve been up all night thinking….is today the day? Tomorrow? Tuesday? …seconds keep turning into minutes that keep turning into hours that keep turning into days that keep turning into weeks that keep turning into months that keep turning into years….Life keeps going….Its unforgiving…you miss the bus you miss the bus there is no catching it….I keep lingering and festering like an open wound exposed to germs … I hate that the sun rises signaling the end of yesterday and the beginning of today….I fucking hate that today is the future that seemed so promising 5 years ago…I turn 22 next month on the 5th […]
This is my 17th year on Earth. I honestly didn’t expect to make it this far, and yet, I have. Over the past couple of years I have tried so many times to get help, sometimes it helps for a little while but I still end up back in the same horrible place. I’m at the point now where I don’t believe that there is any hope for me and I’ve accepted that. I just want to get everything that needs to be done before I die done, that is why I am writing this. I haven’t really shared my story before, I don’t even […]
Honestly, I’m scared. I’m scared of everything because since March I have been trying to find ways to get by. I’ve used every goddamn coping skill you could think of. All of them and sure they relieve how I feel but it doesnt change it in the long run. I was stupid when I tried to die. I was supposed to jump. That was my plan initially, but I got fucking scared of being stopped, being seen, so I found an alternative. I should’ve known it wouldn’t work. I should’ve thought of what would happen afterwards. I admit since going to the hospital I enjoy […]
i cant anymore theres no where to go and nothing to do. Ive messed up so much theres no reason to stay alive. I cant redo my past and take things away they will always be here to stay. Â I m hurting so badly i lost my lover over doing dumb impulsive immature things and yes i may be different but i lost something important to me thats all i care about is losing my special someone but ill never get them back nor do i deserve too. i wish i could redo my life from 5th grade up. Theres no way i will ever […]
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
Hi, I’m 16 nearly 17. I was told I had depression 3 months ago and sonce then it feels like everything is getting worse. I was very happy throughout 14 years of my life, I had some problems like only connecting with my household family because of issues with my mum and rarely seeing my dad cause he works. Never thought anything bad of it until I was 15. I had a boyfriend that all went well untill after we were going out for 10 months and things went down hill but I always blamed myself for these problems. He lied to me and in […]
Maybe someday I’ll tell you about all of my pain. Maybe someday I’ll tell you that the real reason as to why I don’t sleep very much at night is because I’m just that scared of what might happen to you while I sleep. I want to protect you so much, but you’re not even here. The real reason why I cut is to know that everything isn’t an illusion. When will I tell you that? When will I tell you all the things that trouble me? When will I stop using depression as an excuse? Why can’t I pick myself up anymore? You tell […]
Well, at a request, this is going to be a part of what I go through in life.
I’m fifteen. My mother died when I was six, I only saw her until I was three. My dad is getting married soon and I’ll be moving to a different state where the ground is sand, with three new siblings. My close relationships are with one of my friends, maybe two, My brother, my soul brother, and my boyfriend, who I’ve been dating since 12. I have social anxiety/phobia and paranoid schizophrenia. I don’t hear voices, I just get really sick and scared. I cut myself, but I […]
Its not as if I am suspicious for no reason. Much as I wish I were delusional and my paranoid thoughts had no base in fact, previous incidents and repeated behaviors are pretty hard to ignore. Words are powerful but only when your actions match them. And then there are facts that back up my theories that cant be denied and you refuse to explain. I think what I neex to move on is closure and for you to take some responsibility. But if you havent been able to be truthful in the last 2 years its like waiting for a liar to tell the […]
Right now i feel like i have no reason to be here.. My friends are all asleep and i really need some support.. I dont know what keeps setting my off. Every time it happens im alone and am just thinking. i have my razor out i plan on it tonight.. not killing myself, but having some relief. i deserve that at least.. I need someone here with me. who i can cry to , who understand me, who wont say that my scars are ugly or that i shouldn’t have done that, some one who truly understands it and would call them beautiful and […]
Day 1
I was born to this unforgiving world, and thinking now i wished that i never existed
8 years of my life that i suffered with my Family without knowing the reason….
I was born in a family of a Father working on another country that I’ve never seen until recently, a Mother who tends to destroy me physically,mentally and spiritually, beating me and locking me up for a small mistake and makes my body bleed for a case like for a single piece […]
It’s been a long year.
Well, almost a year.
The last time I posted anything on here, I was in a semi-good place with my life and I was slowly getting stronger. The depression was lessening day by day and I was coming to realize that my life wasn’t really as bad as it could be.
I was on the road to recovery.
Since then, I feel like I’ve taken 5 steps forward and 10 steps back. That is why I am back here, to complain about the tiny little mishaps in my life, and some of the big ones. To let you- my beautiful online world of strangers […]
For a long time now I’ve been subconsciously planning my suicide. My main reason for this is this ever growing sensation of “weltschmerz” – feeling the pain of the world and the uselessness of existence and living.
I have a good job that pays well. I am married to a woman that loves me, I have two beautiful and adorable children and still these aren’t good enough reasons for me to keep on living.
For as long that I can remember, I’ve been trying to live life, but never really knowing how. On the outside I’m am successful, but on the inside there is only this […]
I sat there on the side of slop. The summer wheat swayed in the wind as I watched the sunset. I relaized that the world is full of beauty and I am nothing. I hung my head and realized, no one really listens, no one gets it. This hurt inside me is so deep, so painful, so incredibly numbing, that it goes on the lingering for suicide anymore. I simply don’t care anymore. I don’t care if I live, I don’t care if I die. I simply perform like an actor. If the program calls for laughter I laugh, if it calls for sadness I […]
I have a reason to stay alive. I know nobody cares but for so long I barely lived with any reason but now I found him. He brings me pure happiness. For the first time I have a smile that is really mine. Behind closed eyelids no longer am I haunted with nightmares and worry but peace and knowing when I wake up he will be there right beside me. When I feel his warmth the coldness in my heart melts away and I am left feeling such strong love that it keeps my thoughts so far away and I can actually live. I am […]
I need to know that something in me is still striving for an existence. I need to know that all of me has not given up hope. I feel as though I am drowning in a sea of no emotion, and will soon be so overcome with boilng rage, that I will begin to hurt others. I fear for what is in my mind. I fear for how I will turn out. I tell myself that things will get better because I want so badly to believe it so. I want to believe so badly that things will be okay, and it will all work […]
For about 4 ½ years I’ve been unhappy, but never had the thought of suicide crossed my mind until I entered high school. (It’s not one of those things where I’m a loner and had no friends). I actually have had a lot of friends my whole life but I always felt like a hole and I was always just sad for no reason, so recently I started therapy for family reasons and my therapist ran a few tests and I go back July 30 to see if I can be diagnosed clinically depressed. Around February I became extremely rebellious an unhappy and I would […]
Well, I haven’t been looking around much here, but I thought that if I write it down, I might have a better picture of my situation.
Basically, there’s nothing wrong with my life. I got a nice apt., a cat, a loving BF and a  great family. Even job is OK.
Thing is – I just don’t want to live anymore, I have no interest in seeing what will happen next, no plan for kids/children, no interest in finding a new job or studying (have already pursued a Master’s degree). In short, I just don’t care anymore. I don’t see the point of all this, I’m not […]