Taken from Robert Crumb’s Plunge Into The Depths […]
Tag:
routine
Did I plan on being dead by now? Yes.
Am I ready? Yes.
Then I got the phone call. A shot at a job in my field. I have to take it.
It was easier when I could add up all the pain. The lifelong depression, the disconnection from relationships, the alien-like quality of being in my own body and mind, and to top it off: my career at a standstill.
It made it perfect timing to leave.
This job won’t make me happy. I already know the routine. Nothing will ever make me want to live.
But if I get this, maybe I can muddle through a little while longer […]
It was one of these surreal sleeps I have. I am dreaming but in my dream it’s like I am awake. I can’t move or talk. I almost wonder if I had a seizure. I eventually wake up really out of it and it takes a while for me to get back to sleep. There are always some sort of vibrations, this time it was violent chills in my arms. I guess I would call it a vivid dream. I have probably had 4 or 5 of these that I actually remember. All within the past 20 years. They always scare me. Mainly because I […]
Another day living in this disenchanted society. In society I am not enchanting. In society I have to live a certain way and look a certain way. I cannot fit into this category. I can barely live. I am turning insane. I want to drop out of this cruel life I live in vain.
I am extremely exhausted of being in this world. So much is asked of me. On the outside is nothing but me and I am nothing to me. I hate walking around pretending to be like everybody else. I hate the falseness. Society is one false sob. Every single person idolized is […]
I know a girl
She draws on
her skin
with blades instead
of pens
It all began when
she was eight.
She wondered why?
Why would he look at her like that?
Why would she let him?
She often thought:
“She loves me”
But deep down
She knew
It was
A lie
She’s never loved her
And never will
The only one that
Truly loves her
Is Mr. Sharp.
He makes her happy.
He helps her forget about THEM.
When her skin
Rips open
And her demons
Come out…
Oh there’s no better
Feeling than that.
But the feeling goes away!
“NO! come back!” she yells.
But not even
Pain wants her.
And that hurts like hell.
People always believe
The “I’ll kill you” stare
And the “go away “routine.
Because nobody
really cares to
see what’s
left inside
To look into her eyes
And see her […]
Yup. totally and utterly numb.
It feels like someone has turned off a switch in my head and switched on autopilot mode. I am doing daily chores, smiling and talking to family, going to work and coming back home, cook meals, and cut.
Its like a routine and for last two weeks I cut on my thighs (so that my hubby wont see) every other day just to make sure that I am still alive. The pain is the only reminder left of life.
Oh how I wish, this routine would include studying… I am at the verge of being thrown out of my PhD, both my supervisors extremely […]
Because self inflicted pain and suicide attempts are addictive
written by Counting The Days Until I'm gone
Sometimes I scare myself. At first I don’t realize what I’m doing. I tend to change reactions and emotions quickly. I’m bipolar. When I’m alone and calm , I can control myself, until I experience episodes of anger and sadness. These episodes result in me cutting myself or swallowing 30+ pills, or just guzzling down vodka.
I’m having more frequent thoughts of harming myself lately. Its like I’m an addict who is in remission but is being tempted. My friends have tried with me repeatedly to get me to stop self harming but I just can’t
People just don’t understand that suicidal thoughts and self harm are […]
I wounder everyday, for what reason have I been put on this planet, why was I born – what difference am I making to this shitty world? The struggle for everyday survival, the 9-5 deadbeat job and the same constant fucking routine; that we call everyday life.
I can’t move on, there’s nothing to look forward to anymore, nothing to smile, care, love and be happy about; Just pain, misery loneliness. I walk down the street, see happy people all around me, couples holding hand – kissing, children playing etc. The people who helped destroy my relationship, the ones who I once […]
Hey,
What was that one set or even a single advice/routine/idea that really helped you?
It could be anything.
Absolutely fucking anything.
I need this cus i cant express my problem properly yet i want advice so ill just take all your advices and read them.
Thanks.
I don’t know if I love you anymore. I mean, I do love you, but I don’t know if I love you like I used to. After four years together, maybe we’re just in a rut or routine. I enjoy doing things with you–going places, playing games, conversing, but I don’t feel romantically drawn to you anymore. I also don’t feel drawn to anyone else though either. I still love you as a person, but not as a lover most of the time. I don’t know if you’re holding back romantically to let me deal with my issues, or because you’re feeling the same. I just […]
So I’m 64 now and my whole life has gone by and I’ve got nothing to show. I’m still living in my parents house. I never left. I can’t afford my own apartment because I don’t have a job. I haven’t worked in over 27 years. I still havn’t had a single boyfriend at my age. I just live in my own little bubble. Get up, watch some YouTube. Go back to sleep is my routine. I am a fat slob because I have no motivation to get out of the house.
Okay so I’m not 64 yet but this is practically my life as it […]
It’s been 3 minutes since I walked through the front door and I’m in tears.
i knew I should’ve stayed outside, it took me a while to convince myself to come inside anyways.
First minute:
I walked through the door and the second I do my dad tell me to hurry up and put my backpack down and go see him.
second minute:
i went to go see my dad and he said he has stuff for me to do, I told him he has to hurry because i have a lot of homework tonight and he automatically got mad at me and started yelling at me saying I’m selfish […]
Hey everyone! I’m still in a barely good shape and still crying for things that shouldn’t even make you feel sad but I decided that I’ll go back writing. Well, it will probably be a run on whether I get crushed by the felling of panic or success to finish this first though.
But I decided that since I only have this I should at last risk it. As long as I can continue I’ll go back to my old routine of being crushed and get up again and again. I might be here a little less but I’ll probably come back time to time! I’m […]
It is tough for me to explain and on the added front, it is tough for other people to understand as well. In the end, I am another person who wants to die but at the same time hangs on.
I definitely did not grow up “usual”. I grew up best described as isolated on a farm. I am the youngest. I have two older siblings, a sister (5 years older) and a brother (7 years older). We attended church and I attended Sunday school which was the sole social interaction that I had for my first 5 or so years of life. It was extremely […]
I’m the kind of person that get really get attach to someone who cares for me. Like if we start talking for a while and becomes a routine it’ll become like a part of me. So eventually, when you decide out of the blue that your going to leave and not say a word it’s going to hurt, of course not knowing what i did or didn’t do that made you run away from me of fucking course that it’s going to hurt. Because the other night it was all laughing smiles and love and now it’s ( i don’t even think i can name […]
i am more then a year very suicidal,im just suffer,empty.
i have a good life,hobbies,good friends ,im not rich but i can get want i want,good grades in school (high school) and have a weekly routine.
i read all the advice and nothing works for me (except a psychologist that i havent tried).
i promised to my girlfriend to not do it but it feels impossible, i start to realy lose myeslf.
what to do?
sory for my shitty english grammer .
Two years ag, I lived in Switzerland for a couple of months, working as an au-pair. I was in a small village, in the middle of the Alps.
Living there, the landscape, the routine with the kids, it made me feel so peaceful, that I desired to stay that way forever.
One day, I visited Sion, the capital of the canton of Valais.
After walking around that quiet and both modern and old town, I found a place where the town just stops and give space to the nature. It’s a big square, and just in front of it, all those flowering cherry trees. At the sides, two […]
Why am I alone? I am overwhelmed with bitter regret and anger. Everybody has some big blotch of the past they want to delete, there’s no such person who has had a perfect, sugar coated life. I selfishly think that I have it so bad, nobody can relate to me. I am wrong. My peers who put on a happy demeanor have their own skeletons; they seem to know how to function without the past disrupting their routine. I don’t know what went on in their lives. I sit there and in my mind I snicker, thinking these people are so young and naive. I don’t […]
Damn man, this seems like routine. I remember when I said “things get better”… Well, sweet sweet irony. I guess I ate my words huh?
I feel horrible again, and I don’t know anymore if it’s my fault or if it’s someone else’s. I feel alone, waaay worse than before. I can’t go back to cutting, and I can’t say a god fucking word to anyone. I’m lost…
I’ve realized that nothing amuses me or makes me happy. My life is becoming a boring routine. I’m in college and yes, I have different classes every day but it’s all the same to me.
Today, I woke up at 5:20. I don’t drive so I have to rely on someone who has their own business to drop me off. I went to class, where I almost fell asleep in. Now I have this huge gap, 4 hours, until my last class. I have no friends here. I don’t talk to anyone. I don’t mind it but it gets boring. Then I’ll most likely go […]
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