The nature of my job requires me to be somewhat social. Â This is quite a contradiction in the sense that when my anxiety and depression are at their highest, my desire — and ability — to be social is at the lowest. Â I spent most of the day today at a family reunion. Â It was totally exhausting being social for so long. Â Today it’s back to work after too short of a summer, facing what already suggests will be a long, long school year. Â This week will be hard because I will be forced to be social with my co-workers, repeatedly, over and over, through […]
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School Year
no, I dont cut. No, I wasnt abused. I’m sorry if you have been.
In 5th grade I started taking pills (amphetamine) and some for sleeping. I started getting really skinny, never eating, never hungry. I turned pale and gaunt, my parents thought I was anorexic. I couldnt explain to them that I just wasnt hungry (a side effect of amphetamine) so I lied. A lot. “yea I ate a sandwich when you were gone.” I hadnt. Ya this wasnt bad, i was a pretty happy kid, just really skinny. Then 6th grade rolled around and i weighed around 60 lb for the first half of […]
Not Exactly Sure How To Start These. I’m Just Gonna Wing It.
From The Time I Was In Kindergarden I Was Bullied. Pushed Around, Bothered. No One Really Ever Left Me Alone. It Wasn’t Until 4th Grade It Started Getting Bad. I Started Getting In Trouble In School, I Owed 6,000 Hours Of Community Service By The Time I Had Finished 5th Grade. The Beginning Of 6th My Life Started Going Downhill Fast, My Parents Got Divorced, Week To Week With Mom And Dad. I Was Severely Unwanted At My Dad’s House. My Aunt Lived Next Door And My Uncle Lived Across The Street, I Couldn’t […]
Where do I begin………..
Well my mom gave birth to me when she was about 18 or 19. From what she tells me my real dad is a low life dick(excuse my language). Anyways I resently got in contact with him. Things where going great in my life. I had straight A’s, I was very popular, very pretty, guys would fight over me,…….until my 8th grade year. The 1st day back to school was OK, after that everything turned to shit. I started to realize who my true friends were, and that school was the most important thing in my life. In the middle of the […]
I’ve been fine, I can honestly say that the days counting up to the end of the school year I have not been depressed in the slightest and have been looking forward to finding things to do, but I feel depressed again and a bit suicidal and have no direction “why am I living?” if I died there’d be ruckus for a bit but life would move on regardless of how much I would want people to miss me. Thinking like this makes me reminisce because I’m feeling very small and unimportant, I’m was always willing to change myself because I thought how I was […]
My Freshman school year was complete utter hell. The summer before freshman year was something you would normally only have written in a crazy book or a fake story someone made up. I was a young 14 year old who was in a abusive relationship and after it was broken off it followed me into my first year of high school. He was telling everyone a bunch of insane stories about how we had sex everyday and he spent the night almost every weekend. The only time I ever saw him was when he was standing at my locker and then he either was asking […]
Time passes by very quickly so fast that I find it hard to catch up, I’ve always been shy,imaginative,and outgoing at times but in my recent years I find that I spend a lot of time on my own and I never really reveal myself or open up to people though I’ve never really been a kid who’s open with her feelings but I guess I can contribute that to moving a town away and when I do open up to people and tell them how I feel it’s a very strange feeling to me now that I end up regretting it, I truly feel […]
I feel quite depressed  but I guess that’s okay since I managed to be alright the past week. I’ve been walking mindlessly through the present and haven’t thought of the future , I don’t know what I was thinking I guess I just thought things were getting better though I was wrong, what was I thinking. Reality slapped me in the face the school year’s almost over and I’m still in the same place I was when it started and I’m feeling even worse than freshman year, I can’t bury my feelings as well as I could last year and my grades have slacked, and […]
I remember when i was what society called happy, like, genuinely happy. a time when I didn’t feel like the world was blurred, like I was just a ghost. I felt, normal i guess. I was nine. that was it. nine years old. and then i just…faded.
I recall how I’d walk into the doors, I’d hear everyone talking, everyone would be with their friends. And me? I’d struggle just to convince someone that they could talk to me. I wasn’t well liked for God knows why. I guess people just needed an outlet to put all their hate, sadness, anger, and shit in. They chose […]
ok so im noticing a fucking pattern.
every time a suicide attempt fails within a few days something good comes out of it.
with that ive been majorly depressed and tried commiting suicide the other night well no duh i failed.
go back to a year ago, i had a crush on my friend who had a girlfriend so i respected that and tried not to make this a big fucking deal…to late for that. my friend is really suicidal and last yr i always had my suicide notes/poems with me taped to my binder for school well he saw it and read it once he […]
I understand that it seems like I just want to kill myself or whatever when a guy is  mean to me, but that’s just part of it. I’m already right at the edge. I’ve gone through seeing people die since I was 4. I didn’t understand it then, but I did at 8, when my grandpa died. He died right in front of me. Of course, that messed me up. Then I only had one grandparent, because my other grandpa had pretty much disowned my family after the death of my grandma on my mom’s side (the death when I was 4). So all I […]
I don’t know if I mentioned it, but I had a dream about Trevor. It was wonderful. It seemed real. I could smell his cologne, hear his voice. Anyway, it was beautiful. I’m leaving my trumpet in the band room again so I can see him again. Maybe I can eventually get his number… 😀 God, I hope so. I used to be too scared to talk to him, but not anymore. I love talking to him. He’s awesome. Seriously. Anyways, I just hope that I can at least become good friends with him. That would be great. Then maybe I can start to build […]
(**imagine any name**) And I am 11. I am female, and attend Middle School.
I remember,in 2007, when I was 6, I had just gotten home from school. I was happy, and I thought nothing would get in my way. That all changed the next day, Saturday. I had learned about death when my Uncle died. He died in 2004. Strangley, I remember everything. At he funeral, everyone was eating, and drinking lemonade, after honoring him. I was crushed. My older brothers best friend? My best friend? I would never see him again. I cried every night. He sed to help me sleep too. He […]
All my “friends” ditched me this halloween. So I thought I would tag along with my mom and siblings when they went. Turns out my mom picked today of all days to be a total ***** and left me crying in the car while they went trick or treating. I feel so alone! My highschool shut down point blank in the middle of the school year, so now I’m getting homeschooled be my mom. I hardly ever see anyone and its depressing. Normally its ok, but its times like this when I really upset and angry that I feel like cutting, or perhaps suicide. Its the […]
They say it gets better, and that it won’t last forever. But  I wonder when it will start for me?
It started 3 years ago. I had heard my parents fighting, and then my dad put a gun to his head and he said no one would care if he pulled the trigger. But his 12 year old daughter was watching from the doorway, and to her it mattered very much. I never told him I saw that, so he can’t understand how much that messed me up. That year was already bad. I was bullied for my weight and I’ve never really gotten over that. […]
Note: If I seem like I’m holding back it’s because I’m a little paranoid because my mom found the notes I hid on my laptop 2 days ago
One year to 11 months ago I started feeling empty inside  it was kind out of nowhere, when I started school (i had just started high school) I was in a performing arts program and took dance during the weeks and after a while into the school year( not so far in late September) I decided to quit and drop everything because it was getting overwhelming and I was losing interest in it even though I enjoyed these things […]
I have attended four highschools, all completely different. With completely new teachers, new classes, and new classmates. With each school year I’ve been that girl who rarely spoke, the girl who just went to school then went back home.I had no life, because I never opened up and allowed people to get close to me.
Every new school year my mother says I’ll find some new friends who won’t stab me in the back, but every time I’m invited to hang out, my mother says no. She claims it’s because she doesn’t know these people, and I think ‘how will you ever know them if […]
Well today’s the day. Sunday. The plan was to end my life tonight. Leaving a couple different notes addressed to different people. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Planning since the beginning of the school year, which started August 27, the day before my birthday. The plan was to wait until after my parents went to sleep, then go do it. My method is not the most preferred method out there, in fact many people hate it and think it’s like THE WORST one. But I have my reasons and I have tried twice before, failing obviously. Waking up in a hospital room surrounded […]
I’ve been having depression since the end of 6th grade. I’m now in 10th. I don’t take anti- depressants anymore because they don’t help. Let’s start with the fact that- my family is fucked up. My dad used to beat my mother infront of my brothers and I, and then a few months after, he just packed his things and left us. I haven’t seen him since. He’s a stranger to me – and even though I still have this despise towards him for hurting my mum, I miss having a dad role in my life. The other thing is – I’m overweight. I’m 5’3 […]
so much has happened since my last post.
boyfriend, new school year, counselling, self harm +Â movement.
School stresses me out as its the last year of my GCSE’s 🙁
and my self harm hasnt cut down, or increased… maybe a little bit.
Everyone tries and helps me, like the ones who are most close. WHY CANT THEY STOP ME? i make promises and i just break them, making me feel even more shit about everything, i bring it all on myself so i dont know why i am like this
I started counselling start of July ever since my parents found out about my self harm, […]
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