I guess i am not the ordinary 17 year old kid, I walk around with a tophat with goggles, long leather coats with spikes on them and jeans with chains. But this not even why people threaten me everyday, or throw rocks at me because they did that before I started looking weird. I guess it’s just me, for some reason I probably deserve it, because no matter what i do, no matter where i go i always get punished. When it’s not people punishing me it is faith, broken bikes with 15km to  go and no one to reach, trains suddenly all stop, beehives […]
Tag:
Single Day
I have posted here before, a while ago already.
Anyways, now I’m still in this mess, alone every single day, doing nothing. No one who cares about this, because “autism is the problem”. I will be starting therapy to deal with my autism in 2 weeks, so I guess that is a good thing.
Although i dont believe this is the “problem” I just let it run it’s course, I mean, all those psychiatrists are trained for it right? They sure must know it better than me?
Now I have been sitting home every single day, alone, for the past year, doing nothing at all. I rarely talk […]
My sister and I have not spoken in many years. She hates me she told me she was jealous of me and then moved away and changed her number. When I saw her she was not the same person that I remembered. Everyday I think about her and miss her so very much. She will not call me she will not write me in her world I do not deserve a chance. I always was a good sister to her. To her I was a pain. To me she is everything that I have carried this huge weight […]
I’m back in my hometown for the summer. It’s between the semesters for college, and I’ve been suffering the entire time. Is it odd that the moment I stop on the pavement I got a stomach ache? I couldn’t get a job and I’ve chosen to drop one summer class. Just from those two things, my parents think it’s reason enough to beat me. To scream at me. To call me ‘retarded’. They didn’t even pay for my classes. My grandmother left me money for college; from things like this… but they think that because I spent it on a class that I dropped, I’m […]
I don’t understand why I feel pain like this. It’s completely unbearable. Two years ago I was diagnosed with severe depression. i’ve spent these last two years in therapy and searching everywhere for something to make me feel better. I’ve tried therapy, ten different anti-depression drugs, hypnosis, acupuncture, acupressure.. the list goes on and on. on top that i’m victim to horrible anxiety attacks that can strike at any moment without warning, i usually get about two or three a day. they make me curl up into a ball and wait to die. my family has abandoned me because i cause everyone around me pain […]
Most people know me as the girl who’s always smiling and laughing. Most dont know I suffer from depression. I’ve wanted to die everyday since I was eight. I have tried to kill myself twice by overdosing and both times i’ve failed. My own boyfriend thinks im crazy and so does my whole family. I started cutting yesterday. I think I did it because no one is there for me. No one wants to listen. The only person I told about my cutting was my bestfriend Sean, but that backfired because my boyfriend was with him. My boyfriend is now sending me rude texts saying […]
hi, i’m not a good writer, so i’ll just lay it out. Â im 32, ive spent the last four years busting my ass to get into grad school. I have always been depressed, but I don’t remember much from before my dad died. Last may I found out I was gonna have a son. In Sept my mom died. In Dec my baby was born. This semester was a blur, but I managed to fail the GRE, get rejected from grad school, fail a critical class, but I managed to walk with my class back in may. My aunt has just been diagnosed with […]
I am speaking directly to people that suffer from severe depression and social anxiety. Â To people that know that they have been diagnosed with severe depression or social anxiety; please know that there are people out there just like you. Â Just like me. Â For five years I have been suffering from severe depression. Â I was diagnosed when I was 15 years old. Â Everyday is a struggle for me whether it is visible to the people around me or not. Â I don’t have anyone left to turn to. Â All of the people that are in my close circle of friends and family just ignore my call. […]
I hate careers. I hate dead-end jobs. I hate money. I hate corporations. I hate the government. I hate having to buy things in order to exist. I hate having my time delegated to being productive so that someone else can profit from my labor. I hate paperwork. I hate commercials and advertisements. I hate that creative people get sucked into marketing for corporate interests rather than producing their own art. I hate lobbyists. I hate insurance. I hate predictability (except that I might hate all of the things listed here – that kind of predictability is OK with me). I hate the commodification of […]
Words do not express, for my emotions run wild
I feel confusion and hate, but mostly just denial.
I need help.
I’ve slipped into this pit more than once in my life
but for the first time I don’t have the strength to make it alright.
I have done this to myself, this disease is now me
I am not a thinker, a lover or you’re friend.
I am my addiction which has no end.
I am it, and it is me. One cannot set the other free.
I lay in this bed in a room filled with sadness
and think back on my life […]
Well, I finally found my first relationship, at the age of 26. It really did help me to find peace. It’s actually been really nice to have the first time in my life, and I mean this entirely literally, that I didn’t think about suicide every single day. It slowly drifted back, a little, but only just barely, and only just a few time every couple of weeks or so. It hasn’t been terrible. I have realized some things, that I had already considered, but I am far too old a soul for all these senseless children. My boyfriend, and just for the sake of […]
I had my first boyfriend when I was fourteen. I made a mistake by trusting him, loving him, thinking he really loved me. I introduced him to my mum, who was cool about it.
But then he tried to rape me. I got away, but it was too late, he already had taken pictures of me topless. I am not getting them back.
I did not know it right away, but one day, I thought erase my mistake, rub it off, get it over with, so I messaged him on MSN, telling him what would happen if anyone knew of that day. Then he used […]
It’s an oxymoron; I know. Because by definition a suicide note is representative of something horrible, and the word perfect means lacking in flaws or defects: so you really cannot have a perfect suicide, can you? I don’t know if it’s possible or not. But I want to come as close as I can. My name is Rachel. I am seventeen years old. Some might say I have my whole life ahead of me, but one day really soon, I am going to commit suicide. What follows is a draft of my suicide note. Read it. Comment. Help me make it perfect.
If you are reading this, […]
I wrote here 3 years ago about my pain and about my suicidal thoughts. When I look back at those days from now, I see a human that has fallen to betrayal, mental and emotional abuse. I was a kind, caring and loving person. I used to help people as much as I can and try to make things right. None at that time did really care but I did my best regardless. Then I was betrayed by my girlfriend and members of my family. Most friends did not seem really to care. Others just made things seem easy. Honestly speaking I was […]
I’m that guy that has been shit on more than anybody knows. Early days as a kid I was harassed daily and tormented by fellow classmates because of my mothers crack addiction. The only reason they knew was because their parents did drugs along with my mother. Was born with a bad foot which pretty much opted me out of any sports or doing well as I could. Shyness throughout the years was difficult to deal with as I learned to talk to females and learn what they wanted and what they saw. My father has been in prison all my life and haven’t read […]
Over the years of my life people have trusted me with their secrets. Their own stories. Just holding them can put stress on a person, so I decided to share them with whoever is willing to read. I will not use names nor describe the physival apearance of that person.
First, a friend of mine had told me that her mother had been raped during the summer of 2012. She told me it was by someone very close and she is still going to therapy. Although she is recovering from the whole experience, she is making progress. She was not afraid of speaking up (which is […]
I never quite know how to start these things, before I explain I have to say that I feel awful about the way I feel when there are people going through worse. I can’t control my feelings of upset and depression and I don’t quite know where they have come from and how they’ve escalated to me feeling so suicidal, I have a family, a few friends and a boyfriend, for the past 2 years I have struggled with agoraphobia and people not understanding saying I’m being over the top etc. I have no support from anywhere and I feel like I’m going through all […]
I feel pain every single day and it never seems to go away.
It is deep in my chest and hurts so much.
I try so hard to do the best I can in life but yet it’s never good enough. I can’t concentrate and I feel I’m sinking deeper and deeper.
It’s hard when you have no real good friends that can relate to you as well. So yes, I feel so alone in my own life.
So the question is, what can I do? I’m seeing a councilor but my parents will allow no medication.
I don’t know what to do because I can’t […]
i have attempted suicide at least 5 times. I have thought about it more hours than I can count. Ive suffered rape, loss of loved ones, physical and emotional abuse, OCD, and an unstable childhood. In spite of all these painful reasons to die, I’m turning 25 and I am so grateful that all my attempts were thwarted.
I was always in so much pain I could not think about anyone else.
Two years ago my view of suicide was completely changed. My boyfriend of over 5 years killed himself in my bedroom while I was at work. Never in my life have I felt more pain. […]
So i was a happy girl, and i had friends, best-friends infact, i was chubby and proud, and never wore make up and honestly could’nt care less..and then when it hit year 9 everything changed, i got fed up of the ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’ comments, and could’nt take it anymore, i went on the laptop alot and looked on websites like tumblr, but more importantly i looked at blogs like thinsperation. Â At first i just looked but never did anything, and then i started to starve myself in crave of a thigh gap and collar bones. I stopped eating completely and gave up on food. […]
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