I guess ill start from the begining… I grew up without a father, for my childhood, I never had fun because I was always forced to do homework from books that you can buy. If I did a problem wrong, I would get hit with a wooden stick on the hands or slapped in the face… I always enjoyed games since I grew attached to it considering my mom was at work. Playing games also were the part of the my life where I would unstress my selfI also never had an actual summer since my mom still forced me to to spend all my […]
Tag:
Trash
hello, Â I’ve been sad for quite some time, I’ve attempted to commit so many times, so many different ways. Here’s alittle bit of my background, I was inlove, I had friends, I had a good job. Everything is gone, I’m not happy anymore, life has manage to take everything away from me. Did I cause this? was it my fault that everyone is gone? For the past week I have been researching on different ways to commit, I came across this website and here I am, making my first post.
I think I felt inlove with my eyes close. I knew it was true love, I […]
I wanted to thank one person for asking if I can use help locating resources in my town, I appreciate it, actually I already have been using resources in my area, and unfortunately being bi-polar, I am to the point in my life where I trust almost no-one. Seems when I tell people that know me I am bi-polar, all of a suddenly I am treated differently. I had an experience about a month ago one of my AA sponsors already knew me a little and long story short made me feel like a psycho, so to him I say F**** off. One last thing […]
My father’s existance summarizes how my life has been for me in a metaphorical term. Emotional blackmail.
My father calls me 24 times a day sometimes more for very trivial things. I do them. If i don’t I know what will happen.
Trash, yard, clean, glass of water, make my food, find my shoes, shave my beard, find my clothes, mow the lawn, water the grass, find my glasses, where’s my tooth brush, let’s get groceries. You go in the store I’ll stay outside (he talks on the phone to some woman i don’t know) Oh i didn’t give you enough money? How much is the […]
I’m trying really hard, not for you or anyone else, I’m doing it for myself this time and still can’t do it anyway… you know that now I am completely sure that I’m worthless, I can’t be saved. But does it really matter? I’ll answer that for you… NO, but you already knew this.
Days pass, not being able to confront myself, only falling deeper and deeper, my consciousness dims… so many years of loneliness, sadness and fear now are showing their dangers.
How many scars will I let myself to have? How many cuts do I have to make for not feeling this way? How deep […]
Tonight I feel the same way I did last week. Very low and super depressed. I’m depressed everyday but not like this. Everytime I cut and I think why am I continuing in this life when all I ever feel is pain and sorrow and worthlessness? Why do I keep on when I continue to feel this way. How many more times will this happen before I truely decide to try to kill myself again? Will tonight be the last time? I’m so sick of thinking that if I get through tonight it willl get better. Because that psychology doesn’t work since I’m back to […]
I doubt anyone would take a look at this. But I have no one else to turn to. I have screwed up my life so tremendously, I feel that I have no other choice but to kill myself. My boyfriend, the one whom I love more than life itself, saw that I was texting my ex. I was just texting him to see how he was doing, but my bf had told me explicitly that he didn’t want me talking to him. Now he is calling me a liar and that I’m going to regret ever lying to him. I don’t know what he’s going […]
Just ever feel like your at a ‘breaking point’ when you feel so depressed you just can’t take it anymore? Well that’s me…
All my friends who said they would be there for me all gave up on me or don’t really care. Everynight.Everyday. I’m crying. It’s not like my life is bad. I do have people picking on me but its nothing. I’m not really sure why I’m so depressed….but I know I don’t like it and I don’t want anymore of it. Though I’m not sure what to do. I thought of suicide but I thought I was stupid for thinking of such a […]
I’m 27. On the outside I appear to be a relatively well-adjusted, responsible, single Midwestern gal. On the inside, I’m screaming. Waiting for my life to end. I’ve been depressed/suicidal off and on since I was 15. One relatively severe cycle almost got me kicked out of college. I had to go to therapy, which was no help at all. I quickly grew bored of it and to expedite my exit from that requirement, I told the therapist what she wanted to hear. Fast forward a few years, I had broken things off with my first really serious boyfriend and rebounded to a guy a […]
who am i kidding im a nobody. im no artist im not even worth calling trash. i try and try but im still not getting any better with my art.. i cant even design my own original characters without it looking like crap. so y should i even bother. im a failure as a human and an artist…
i dont feel like i belong anywhere in this society. im struggling with my art and life… i practically dont even have a love life… when im with my friends i feel left out like a lost my connections with them like im in a different world… i already know im not apart of my family… im what you would call the black sheep in the heard… my dad despises me because im nothing like him…. just today we got into a fight because i said i was not commuting all the way to wounderland andi told him.. well more like reminded him im alergic […]
Me and my step dad dont ever talk. He’s been my step dad since i was 7 and Im 15 now and we have never had a real conversation. I try to ignore that i dont have a dad in my life but it gets hard. Today my mom asked me to clean the living room and i said ya and nicely asked my step dad to throw his trash away instead of leave it in there and hes like no thats what your for. He honestly doesnt give a shit about me. And Im fine with that i guess.. but I cant stand when […]
I’m almost ready. ready for the pain to end, even if it takes more pain. I wrote a suicide letter a goodbye.I have problems if I killed myself i would be doing the world a favor one less messed up person for people to look at and wonder what I’m like. Who I am. Everyone judges people. And in this world that’s all I am to most people. I was  abused. It changes a person getting slapped for not eating. Getting kicked for crying. Getting my head slammed into a  wall because I couldn’t stop crying. It was like that every day . I have problems. They are clear to […]
one of my worste pains was never having a permentent home, never having somewhere i could call home,being misunderstood and labled for it just makes you even more angry, angry enough to scream, then people looked at me like i was even more crazy,but they had no idea what was going on behind four walls, i had times i told and noone did anything, never really had a chance in life,always controlled by the fucked up justice system that stood there and let me get abused and neglected,i guess i didnt know how worthless i was till i was 7 years old and i was […]
life and living, for me, is an outfit. you put on all these clothes that weigh you down but eventually, end of the day comes; time to strip ’em off and rest.
I’m afraid that I’m genuinely losing my mind. That analogy, if you can call it that, is a half finished thought. So many of my thoughts are half finished and incoherant; I’M half finished and incoherant HAHAHA! self loathing is always hilarious.
I try to wear my life for as long as possible, but I always end up stripping it off and proclaiming myself animal.
What am I saying? WHat am I writing? How is […]
Just today one of friends told my other friend that she was ugly, fat, a hoe, obnoxious, and that she should just die. My friend was at home when she got called those disgusting names and was told that rude comment,plus she had the flu and she felt awful. Of couse she got the message on facebook the one place where you can talk trash to somebody without them phisically hurting you. I stood up for my friend because we are best friends aand just because I’m friends wih the other girl neverr meant that I had to agree with her. In fact I […]
My mom constantly calls me stupid and tells me I’m a jerk, piece of trash, lazy, etc. She’s going through a stressful point in her life and I see it, but why is she hurting me? She doesn’t hit me, at least not physically. But sometimes the things she says hurt worse that the physical things abusive parents do. I’m still young, but even when I was younger I was thought of as something special. I scored off the charts on standarized tests, blew away the standard curriculum at my public school, and was invited into many gifted programs and such. I’m currently in the […]
Ive been abused as a child…
Ive lost loved ones..family & friends… Ive been divorced twice by the same man & I have no friends cause they just want to laugh at you & tell you your just crazy… I have a gun… […]
We all inherit (to some degree) thoughts from others, be they from childhood, teenage years, or from things we have read or seen be it on the web, books or in real-life. Some peoples thoughts are good, some well intentioned, some so so, and some not so good at all (for themselves or others).
Just remember we make choices everyday with which thoughts ‘we let’ into our mind; be they our own or others (eg inherited thoughts). Make a conscious choice to let & keep good things in our mind, and trash or critique not so good thoughts, be they ours or others.
In summary, Don’t let […]
I want to die because I am a fool. I have nothing called life because I am a fool. Because of my clumsiness no one ever loves me. I have no friends. I dont even think of girlfriends. I have been staying with my uncle and his family since first grade and over the years they have only grown to hate me. Every relatives I know hate me. I have never known what is to be loved, and in all these years I have forgotten to love. When you lose your heart the life is not being worth to live. I have also decided never […]
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