20 years old and desperately trying to find a reason to live. Problems in the family have led to me feeling like shit for the last 3 years and I haven’t been able to shake off the feelings of depression and uselessness that I started having when everything started happening. Countless days have been spent putting myself in isolation in order for me not to try affect other people’s lives, and trying to find the energy to sometimes go out and do things is one of the hardest things to try and do. Things started getting even worse about 3 months ago, and I’ve been […]
Tag:
trying
uuuugh. its like i tryy, and i tryyyy. but its like my efforts dont mean shit to nobody. I don’t think they realize how worthless they make me feel. maybe they do, maybe they just don’t care.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I feel bad for telling people how I feel . Most say that I am too much , and that they cannot handle it .
God I wish I just had someone to sit with me and that would let me lay in their lap and cry .
I can’t even talk about my suicidal thoughts and it kills me .
I wish I could leave this life, I just want to see things more beautifully .
I want to wake up and see the sun and trees and birds outside and feel happy to be alive . I’d rather sleep , and that’s all the energy I have […]
I am so tired of life… for 3 years now i have been suffering from depression, My family wont help me and I cant trust anyone, I have tried to kill myself before by trying to suffocate myself didn’t work as i panicked, but i think i will try the suicide bag method as this seems to be the best i have been researching it, and i think i will go ahead with my plans as soon as i get a hold of everything i need.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
My friend came to visit; I invited him because I was so depressed and lonely. But now I don’t know if I can handle it. He tells me that “there’s so much more in life that’s beautiful” or other bullshit that I really am tired of hearing.
It’s not that I can’t get over my ex, at least enough to function- I’ve had about a decade of practice of being functional (at least the minimum) while being incredibly depressed. I think that’s one of the reasons my ex said that I was strong. Recently, she said she was the weak one in the relationship when I […]
Today was really hard . I had to get through work without breaking down . But I think my sadness turned into anger today . I work at a smoothie bar/wrap place and I was trying to make a wrap and the tortilla kept breaking and so I threw it at the wall. I was so fustrated . And it was so busy. I hate serving people . Everyone is always in a hurry. I can’t wait to finish my dental assisting class so I can get a real job.
I wish life wasn’t so hard for me . I wish I had it easier . […]
I just need to vent.
All of a sudden, I feel this overwhelming sadness. I don’t even know why I feel this way. So, I thought I should try and look back at things I love doing. Trying to be positive. I find that I don’t really have something that I love doing. Except writing, maybe. Not even that is making things easier right now.
I started looking back into my life, trying to find something that gave me some peace. And where do my thoughts take me?
The Dissecting Hall.
This will make me sound so fucking weird. I loved that place. I respected those bodies. They gave […]
Today at work I started to really feel bottomless sad, and the desire to end my life became once again overwhelming. But because of that recent lovely moment with my son, I actually had enough sense to not let myself sink further, but call my psychologist. Quite by miracle I got an appointment that very afternoon, due to a last minute cancellation. Usually the wait list is weeks long, unless it’s an absolute emergency. I take that as a good omen. And she is wonderful. I’ve been seeing her for years now, and she’s one of the major reasons I’m still alive.
Im just in my […]
So it turns out that I’m on antidepressants now, a weak dosage. It’s not doing anything and tomorrow this when I’m going to see my doctor who prescribed them to me to gain my dosage because it’s not changing my depressing and suicidal thoughts.
Right now I can’t stop thinking about slicing my wrists open and seeing my crimson blood run down my arms, the urge is too strong. It’s all I can think about and I hate it. I’m trying to fight through it for my best friend and my family.
I feel scared, hopeless, I don’t even feel like I’m in my own […]
I wrote probably 2000+ words and deleted it because I realized I don’t know what I was trying to say. Does this happen to anyone else?
survive my suicide attempt. Only one. Straight forward attempt. I worry if I try again I won’t be successful and I’ll have created even more problems for myself. But I really wish it would have worked back then so that I didn’t still have to struggle. Cause pain. Live a meaningless life filled with unfinished projects, poverty, sadness, shame, isolation, regret. I just wonder what’s the fucking point to any of it. Why did I survive. My life has no grand purpose. I’m just another shmuck trying to get by, trying to stay sane, powerless, defeated and over it. I want to try again but […]
For a while now I’ve contemplated suicide. I believe it’s the easiest way out. No, I don’t think running away from problems is going to solve them but I do know that after trying your hardest to solve them with absolutely no solution, running is your only option. And after running and running and running you get tired. I’m tired. Tired of running, tired of fighting, tired of breathing, tired of existing. I just feel like, if I die, everything will be better. I feel like the minute I swallow those pills or that poison or from the moment I jump, everything […]
i guess it’ve been a while since i last posted you know ..
i’ve been away in trying to reach the one inside of me , my soul , my inner thoughts and such stuff looking for inside peace … im not saying i’ve reached it though ! jaja ..
all i got to these weeks is that i am really beautiful somehow .. and to always remind myself to love it ..
when i ever don’t know what to do ,, i’d just do nothing .. stick up to good thoughts , enjoy everything that i could .. and i don’t know […]
(Excuse the fact that I’ve probably repeated myself a lot, any typos and grammatical/punctuation errors — I’m very tired, team.)
“Same as usual?” The bartender scrubbed down another mug whilst gazing over at me.
“…you know it”, I replied, with weary eyes and short yet unruly hair.
“Looks like you’ve been at it again. I don’t s’pose you managed to get away unscathed this time, eh?” Placing the mug down, she slid across my glass before leaning on one arm, staring at me.
“Oh no, they got a decent hit in. Took a souvenir from my mouth, along with a couple other discrepancies”. I threw back […]
I told my sister I was sick and she didn’t believe me. Not until I mailed her a suicide note and travelled to a far away destination where I booked a cottage to kill myself. She sent me a lot of texts telling me how much she loved me but it was too late. Ingested the poison but was discovered by one of the custodians, rushed to hospital and later shipped back home where I was committed to a psyche ward.
All this happened 2 months ago. I am still here and still standing. Trying to recover from that nasty experience is not an easy task. Finding […]
We all have a safe haven a place where we can be away and safe from all the agressions world throws at us.
Mine is my living room couch even in good days if go to bed whthout spending half an hour there ill have a hard time trying to sleep its the, for me only way to calm down at the end of the day laying there in the dark watching tv or listening classical music.
Where’s yours???