Found out a couple days ago that if I commit myself to get help my roommate and mother will convince them I’m faking for attention and to have my released. They they would kick me out so I’m homeless, get rid of my dog, and destroy my computer. How awesome is that? Last night I disolved a large quantity of different drugs in a glass of water to drink. Tonight it’s still in my bathroom. Only reason I didn’t was that a friend of mine was falling apart, and I didn’t want to cause him more issues until he’s better. Now it’s so unbearable that […]
Tag:
want
I am a student, and older than my other classmates it makes me feel so much inferior that sometimes i dont like to go to classes, and secondly i look older than my age that is an issue too. one of our teacher calls us daily at the podium and asks us to discuss that is highly embarrassing for me facing daily cause my english is not good. a lot of things i have to face daily in class, sometimes i feel to end my life. not able to find any way out. i have backlogs that i have to clear in near future, there […]
It’s ironic for me to post here. I do not consider myself a suicidal person. Yet i have made the decision to end my life. So how could a person want to commit sucide and yet not be sucidial? Because deep down i wish i could live my hopes and dreams to get out of bed each morning see the world, delve into the debts of the mystery of the cosmos and kiss the ones i love. A person who is depressed usually loses the desire for all this. But sadly i have not, i want it more than ever. Why sadly? Because the only […]
There are a lot of changes that might happen soon. I have to make some serious decisions and it makes me sick just thinking about it. I feel so hopeless right now. I feel alone. I feel kind of empty. It’s like I’m not worth anything. That’s all I keep thinking about. I just want to die. Everything would be better if I were dead.
What’s the allure of fantasizing about death? It makes no sense. You know (talking to myself) that you don’t want to die. All you want is for things to be different. Sometimes it seems so hard, too hard, to change things. I want to own people is what my problem is. I want their attention and admiration and as time goes by the illusions are falling away and I can see emptiness. I’m starting to see that my thinking doesn’t add up. So what is the way to think? I’ve been reading about suicide all night and the two things some people say help are […]
It’s getting closer and closer to the end of the academic school year for me and I need to be focusing on careers and colleges. I should be choosing one or the other by the end of the school term so that the next two years will be college courses focusing in my major. But I don’t know what I want to do. Obviously I need to go to a college since I’m in the early college program or what would be the point in being here? I’ve messaged a few cousins and classmates about what they want to do after graduating and it seems […]
I can sleep 12+ hours and I wake up feeling worse than I did before I went to to bed. Its gotten a lot worse these past few months. At this point I try to stay up as long as I can because I don’t want to sleep anymore. I pills don’t help me with the rest it only make me fall asleep faster. I feel dead. I want to die so I can get some real sleep.
I’m getting more serious about attempting suicide, everyday is just getting worse and worse. I feel like more people are ignoring me, more people are judging and complaining about stupid things and everything so boring. I feel pointless, I’m not doing anything I’m like nothing so what’s the point is even being here, I’m not a good person and I feel so lonely and crazy and weird.
What’s even the point, I have three more years left of school before I can left this boring stupide place, I can’t wait that long here. If I stay here it’s like being trapped or like a robot and […]
I found this website an hour ago. I read posts. I am sobbing.
I’m not alone. I’m not alone, I’m not alone, I’m not the only one. And I am so angry because of it.
Why do other people have to suffer? Why do these things happen? I knew I wasn’t the only person- most of my friends are, but the fact that this many people-
this many people have gone as far as I have-
people younger and-
it just kills me, and I mean it literally.
It’s unfair and I am so sorry to anyone who is reading this. Because what you are going through seems impossible.
It is sometimes […]
the thought of job hunting again and not being able to sleep are making me want to die..
Protected: I could kill myself at any time and I should do it now
written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Lying in bed, having all the bad feelings flooding back, and all I want to do is message my “friend” because he’s always been there for me. It’s been almost a week since he told me he couldn’t talk to me anymore until I got help. I can’t do it. My mother will be angry at me because I’m being an inconvenience to them. My roommate will be angry because it means he has to do more house work for a bit and won’t until I’m home and blame me for causing him issues. I usually watch streams to relax and fall asleep to, but […]
For some reason, one of the things I really want in my life is to be abused. I want to be mentally and physically abused by someone because I feel like I deserve it. I feel like I don’t deserve to be in a healthy relationship with someone. I need to be in a relationship that is destructive and I don’t know why.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
How easy it is to feel badly. To let yourself go into that place
When you want so much, but have so little motivation.
You begin to blame yourself. Maybe others. Maybe a combination, that it began with them but now it’s just you.
And I should probably just be saying I, because it might not be relevant to you.
I can’t succeed. Most of me doesn’t want to, and everyday I tell myself today doesn’t matter, because tomorrow I will make myself not be here. I will make myself irrelevant. I will kill myself. But tomorrow comes, and I haven’t.
I’ve become addicted to procrastination. Sex. Love. […]
My parents discovered my cuts because my aunt told them when she noticed it.
I don’t know how to explain it to them. I just want to end it all. Yes, I appreciate the good things. Yes, I am aware of your love. Yes, life is beautiful. I KNOW. I FUCKING KNOW. BUT I JUST REALLY REALLY HATE MYSELF. I JUST WANT TO DIE.
Why do you say it like it’s my fault that I need to say sorry? Why do you say it like you’re the victim? Because you were hurt? That the pain on your back is coming back because of my cutting habit? Why […]
I know pills are the least effective method, more likely to leave me brain damaged. I really don’t want to risk that- I don’t have enough klonopin to lethally overdose, but if I mixed it with other meds it might be enough. But there’s still the risk of surviving- maybe taking trazodone with it will make it lethal, but maybe not. I’m not too concerned about the pain of it, as long as it kills me- I probably deserve the pain.
I know losing me will be devastating to my family, to the few friends I have. But that isn’t enough for me to want to […]
Once again a friend ditched me for my sister, once again I feel left out. I don’t want to be alone on New Years.. It’s happened two years in a row. I want to be with those who love me. I thought I was going to change and be more outgoing this year but I guess that hasn’t worked out well for me.. I thought I had that courage. I haven’t changed at all. When will it end?
I hope everyone else is having a good New Years. You guys diserve it.
Happy New Year!
Everything hurts. The woman I love, who I want to spend my future with, doesn’t want to love me anymore.
The thought makes me feel like I’m dying. I can’t breathe. And I can’t stop thinking about her, about how she doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
She’s my best friend. This feels so impossible. And I don’t know how to stop crying.