Okay, so i’ve been suicidal for a while now, always trying to overdose and shit like that. but up until now its never been all of me that wants to die, I remember my therapist would ask me how much (out of a percentage) wants me to live and it’d always end up being 50% or lower, as i’d always regret my decisions the next day, but recently i’ve not been regretting and ive come to realise that no part of me wants to live.
I just want to know what happened, what happened to the leftover spark within me which has finally gone out.
Tag:
wants
Hey guys… long time no see. It’s been months since I’ve been on here…. months spent thinking. Thinking that I was getting better. Thinking that the old Sam was gone. The one whose depression conquered her on a daily basis. The one who ran to her knife for comfort. The one who never knew what a nigt in peace was like.
Wrong.
So damn mother fucking wrong.
Hahahaha life is a cruel joke my loves. It wants you to live but gives you all the cards to die. I hope you are all doing better than me. I hope to see some familiar faces on here soon… […]
I didn’t sleep last night. It turns out, I spent the night writing. I don’t remember doing it. But I wrote a lot, and what I wrote somewhat makes sense, but I’m not so sure if it would to others. No one else seems to have my thinking pattern. At least, I think it’s mine. I’m not so sure. Basically, I’m confused as hell this morning. I’m shaking and ill, everything is blurring and I’m exhausted. I don’t know if I overdosed. I found chunks of hair in my bed. I remember ‘waking up’ (except i wasn’t. Sort of like waking up from a day […]
We deserve the right to die with dignity. No adult should feel forced to live against his or her will. If a grownup really wants to die, there should be nothing denying him that right. I don’t want to risk surviving a fatal suicide attempt. I just want to die and be free from Earth. I’m tired of playing in the sandbox. I’m tired of the competition, mysteries, and hopelessness and I deserve a painless, easy death. We’re all going to die anyway and possibly lose everything, so why does killing oneself have to be so hard. I’ve thought long and hard about this and […]
Idk what it is but I’m depressed again like I was last year, only this time I think it’s worse. I do pretty well all other months but right after that second week of february hits so do the feelings. I feel such sadness, disappointment, loneliness, and confusion and it literally sucks the life from me.
Not a single person knows this about me but I need sex to keep me sane otherwise my whole world crumbles. I’m not an addict I don’t have sex with anyone nor do I necessarily do it all the time. I’ve only been with 2 people one I was dating […]
I’m pretty sure it was a month or 2 ago that I made a post saying that I was hopefully leaving this world and that it could very possibly be my last post. Nope. It didn’t pan out the way I would’ve wanted it to so I’m still here. Around the time I found out it wasn’t going to happen my mother took notice for once of my depression. So it was about 4 years ago that my mother moved me away from my friends and I haven’t made any since, partially due to my social anxiety but also a lack of opportunity. Anyway my […]
“death
deTH/
noun
…the end of the life of a person or organism. “
I feel there’s a minor difference between being dead and not being alive.
In truth, nobody wants to die; to face death; to end our lives.
In broader terms, I just think we don’t want to live life; to be alive. But its still not death we wish for.
In clearer terms, we solely wish to not experience living. None of us want to experience death either.
Think of it as getting the opportunity to merely watch our lives on TV. We’ll witness, but we wish not to experience. We’ll hear, but we wish not to listen. We’ll see, but we […]
The dark will consume you, you know that right?
What do I do about it? How do I make it stop?
Make it stop? It is what is called an inevitable outcome, the bi-product of a hatred you have built for years. You can’t just choose to forget the past, when it wants you, it will come for you.
But I only ever meant to know why, never for a sinful desire to be fulfilled…I promise I am not a bad man.
But that is not what you tell yourself at night, it’s not the prayer you recite in your head throughout the day.
No…I suppose it isn’t.
Correct, it is […]
I think we should have the right to die no matter the situation. Transgender people have the right to completely change their lives if they choose to. If a transgender male wants to have his penis removed , he goes in for evaluation and see if that’s what he really wants . after a year I think and after tons of questions to make sure that’s what he wants BAM! The penis is gone. Even if family and society disagrees, he has the right to change his life if he choses to and he’s allow to do so. His body, his mind and his life.
Now […]
How can one even want to cut? A lot of my friends ask me this and i explain to them in such detailed and dedicated way how freeing it is for me.
Cutting may not be the same for everyone, but i can still remember my first time. You know that feeling in your chest when you’re sooo upset you can’t breath. I had that but to such an extreme i was hyperventilating on my bed. The first cut was such a new and exotic feeling. It hurt but not compared to the broken heart in my chest.
The second cut got a little more exciting and […]
Protected: Today, and all last night, D wouldn’t shut up about my guts, and about how much he wants to wrench them from my abdominal cavity.
written by whiskered-fish
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I thought I’d post what’s on my going on in the series of setbacks that is my life since I have no one else to talk to.
My car is having problems and it’s super old so I’d say it’s about done, and I don’t have the money to replace it. I had a nicer car before, but someone totaled it and openly admitted they knew the accident was their fault, they knew they were going to hit me and still hit me going 75 mph. His insurance had to cover that car, but the car title was in my dad’s name and my dad kept […]
So, I just found out my best friend’s brother died from terminal illness. I know I should feel sad for him but I don’t. I realize he is Hurt but a part of me just wants to watch if he’ll Break from this. The loss he is feeling right now; I can’t sympathize or feel empathy for. God, I feel like a Monster but there is a contradiction.
Why do I want to save her? If I’m as evil as I think I am, the logical thing would be to leave her to her Pain and let her drown in the sand… Her […]
First off, I refer to counselors and “Rent-A-Friends”. Someone you pay to pretend to give a shit about you for an hour a week.
The first time I went I was 17, they flat out told me on the 1st visit I was too fucked up for their credentials. This was followed by various suicide attempts. All of which, I feel I sabotaged myself by making reach outs, or just poor planning, or pure coincidence such as a time I OD’d.
Most of my teens and adult life were plagued with severe drug and alcohol abuse.
At the time of meeting my wife, I […]
Hello,
I am gonna leave SP pretty soon. Somehow this site triggers my sadness.
If anyone wants to talk via email, id love to.
sui_rc@yahoo.com.
Be happy, to anyone and everyone who reads this. You will have realised by now that life moves pretty fast, and its to short to be sad over something. I use sad a s a generic word for anxiety, depression etc.
This site has provided me a lot of support when no one near and dear to me understood why i cut.
I’m gay, this is the first time I’ve said it to others. I’m to scared of living with myself if I come out because of the people around me, but I feel like I’m dying on the inside. I have people I care about and people I love, but I don’t want to put them in this situation of having to deal with my gay ass. I have a gay friend I like but she’s the definition of a hoe, but she has her moments. Then I have a straight friend that just leaves me breathless every time she speaks. I want to just be […]
I’ve been living with my Fiancee for over two years now. Well, I guess I should say ex-Fiancee, even though it kills me to. We had a lot of problems, I won’t lie. In a way, our entire relationship has been building up to its own end.
In the beginning and for at least a year she had a serious jealousy issue. She cut me off from my friends and family and constantly accused me of not really wanting to be with her. She left me countless times just to turn around and take it back. I always let her.
When she eventually started getting better, for […]
Dolores tucks her children into bed. Conroy stretches himself across their feet. His tail lightly thumping the bed spread. She sits at the edge of her own bed, examining the card. The money. She finds herself still bewildered, yet oddly comfortable. The first time in years she’s felt safe. The first time she’s been sure her children were safe. She smiles a new smile, a smile of hope and excitement for what comes next.
The same cannot be said for Dale. He stands sweating in his sweltering living room. Flynt, now approaching him, commands “have a seat Dale.”
Dale stumbles backwards into to sofa. “H-huh how do […]
If you are reading this then you know you are guilty of this.
If you are too scared to read this then you are in denial.
If this causes you pain/hurt/makes you feel uncomfortable then maybe just maybe I might be saying something that has value and meaning.
There are way tooooooo many people on here that put themselves down
way toooooo often.
Here’s the facts,
you are depressed,
you’re suicidal,
your life sucks,
you cant get a girlfriend/boyfriend
you fill in the blanks.
You know what SO FUCKING WHAT!!!!
Do you have to label yourself as pathetic or useless or ugly or a waste of space or all the other horrible things you say to yourself […]
I don’t think i can do this any more, i feel as if I’m just annoying everyone and that no one needs me any more which is true my father don’t even want to spend time with me any more. His started speaking in French so I don’t understand him when his talking to other family members but i understand what he says. Maybe leaving this wretched world will give everyone peace especially me. I can’t take the pain from being the mistake in the family, i mean i know i am the mistake it’s everyday i get told i am. I didn’t ask to […]