Hiya, hope everyone is doing ok today? And if not well, lets hope ur just doing…
I just finished work and after much soul searching have decided there is NOthing I can do about how others perceive me. I spent the last 18 or so hours wondering if my comments here on SP were good enough, closely followed by some things I said to work colleagues, and then the finalie was wondering why my fcuk face alcoholic father hasnt responded to calls or texts from me, after we not spoken for like 4 years. It’s retarded that I hate him yet for the […]
(Maybe this is an official “I’m back” post? We’ll see if my mind can keep on track. Good luck following my thoughts.)
I thought I was set for life because I had it planned out until retirement. Graduate high school, go to college and get my degree in accounting, get a job and earn promotions for the next 40 years of my life, retire and move to someplace beautiful and expensive, then wait to die. And I thought no more about it other than just a basic, simple, normal life. That was when I was in 9th grade when I made that plan. I have gone through […]
Iv been doing really well haven’t self harmed in about a month or more but if thing don’t work out tomorrow I think that will come to an end we will see
Well I made it thru today with only a few minor scratches and awkward moments at work. To those of u who commented this morning (my time), may ur karmic bank accounts overflow!! Without spewing too many platitudes u guys really helped. Example….where I wouldve gone to the bathroom at work and watched YouTube videos of the golden gate bridge and budd dwyer repeatedly, I just checked ur comments on my post. I reckon that’s much healthier behaviour. Hang tough mofos and try to keep it together. That’s all I can do atm.
My biggest fear is my life passing too quickly and not accomplishing anything. I hate waking up in the morning just to know that night will soon come . I feel like I am just present during my day to day lifestyle . I am not satisfied . I don’t care to see the same people everyday, or do the same activities . I hate repetition. I can’t live a life where I wake up to work everyday regurgitate the same bullshit the next day .
I would be happier if my lifestyle was different . But it’s unrealistic. My ideal lifestyle could never happen. […]
If I tried to kill myself using the pain killer pills Midol and it didn’t work can someone explain the stomach ache I feel??
Let’s say I took 9 pills when the maximum dosage in a day is 6 and I couldn’t sleep through the night nor could I throw up but rather I spent the entire day with my stomach in pain.
I’m just feeling pretty hopeless tonight. I don’t post much. I don’t talk much in real life either, at least, not about how I feel. But tonight, I know I won’t sleep with this poison inside of me. I feel hopeless on every level. Individually, I am worthless and talentless and broken from a violent and turbulent childhood. I am so mentally and emotionally taxed that I am losing the ability to function normally. Someday soon, this is going to catch up with me and likely destroy my life. Relationally, I don’t know how to be open in friendships or to be vulnerable romantically or to […]
so today I woke up and wondered why should I …nothing for me to do I’m not making any money today I’m gonna cook and clean and get fuck so, I’m upset.. so when my great husband *sarcastically said * ask why I’m so upset I said do I have any reason to be happy… he said * now this was fucking rich * “try harder I’m not happy either i have no car no money you need to WORK HARDER so wipe that look off your face” I can’t even be upset when I want to how can I not be fake with […]
This is my first ever post. But I was desperate for some help because I don’t know how much longer I can go on. For many years I have off and on considered giving up and ending my life. And lately the need and want for giving up is growing stronger. Some mornings it is just hard to get up and out of bed. I live with my boyfriend, who does not take suicide very seriously and only thinks it is stupid and what weak people do. I have a hard time talking to him about it. He asked me to be stronger. I don’t […]
So I know I want to be done, I just can’t go on anymore, but I’ve been stuck on the best way to go through with it.
First thought was just a knife stab to the chest. But that’d be very painful, and to increase likelihood of success is have to remove the knife post-stab, which I just don’t know how that would go down.
Then I thought about gas. Helium or ********. Wearing one of the nose/mouth masks carpenters wear, sticking a tube in it with duct tape eliminating gaps with the hose attached to a tank of helium/********.
Would this work?
Everything in my life is gone. My partner, my friends and my work. Life is not really worth living. I feel so much pain, anxiety and will not living. I feel the end is near. I had it all and lost it all.
Had such a terrible day today. I’m really upset right now. So what do I do, proceed to get trashed. I don’t want to feel anything right now. The day started out just fine and my mood was pretty level as well. Work then kicks my ass and I have to remain calm and collected at work considering I care for people and all. I get on a group I don’t know but that’s really no big deal or so I think. A few hours in anxiety kicks in. My routine is off, I feel as if I have no clue what I’m doing. Then […]
Hi. I’m the rug.
I’m in pretty significant pain today, but something new, my family is also screwing me out of what little money I manage to save up.
I lent my sister 1k a while back.
Rather than paying me, she paid my mom, and told me I could get it back from her- which we all know isn’t true.
My mom has bought an in-ground pool during a semester where she screwed me out of paying a third of my college semester, and now she has taken out a second mortgage on the house.
She threatened to kick me out again over something as silly as […]
So over the past few months I think about suicide daily, this was not me a year ago.
I’m alone most of the time, besides work, I’m 30 years, I have a lot of debt… But most of all its the loneliness.
I have a nervous breakdown Friday and Saturday night regularly. I go out toto try and meet people but as the sun goes down I can feel the panic and my mood start heading down hill so I quickly head for my car and rush home.
Lovely, I just had the biggest panic attack I’ve had in months while at work. I’m alone so I have to work through it. Now I just keep riding the ‘after shocks’ for as long as they take to settle. Fuck this bullshit mental illness. I’m at war with my own mind.
Some people embrace responsibilities and challenges. I avoid them.
Most people spend their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s advancing their careers and/or raising a family. I’m 30 and have no interest in either. I have friends now but I wonder how many of them I’ll still have in ten years when they’ve all “moved on.”
I was so well suited to the school environment where things were highly structured and most work was individual, but so ill suited to the real world where things are less structured and uncertain and most work is done with other people.
I completely lack basic life skills like cooking and fixing things, nor do […]
“Sing for me, baby.” He said, “Please, I wrote this song for you to sing to, please just sing to it.”
I stood there and gave him a blank stare. He knew that I didn’t want to, but I promised him about a month ago when he asked.
(Earlier that year)
I was singing to the music we were listening to while I was driving him home from school. He looked at me and said, “You are a good singer.”
I thanked him, but then I was a little embarrassed that he was paying attention to my singing.
He said, “You know I need someone to sing […]
Fam pick me up from work instantly depressed hit me like a ton of bricks I was pretty much fine and okay all day and then all of a sudden in a bad mood .
* fart noise*
Hey, since lots of us is having a bad night, I wanted to recommend you all listen to “Beautiful Pain” by Eminem ft. Sia. I stumbled with this song last week, on a particularly bad day, and broke down and cried in the middle of the Mall, but it served me well. I know, it’s old news, but really, the song has some nice message. I find it.. encouraging. To make it through another day.
… and I felt elated. I felt like maybe we had a chance, maybe I had a chance to get out of this hell that is bipolar and somehow make it work. I felt like my old self. I actually laughed. A two week anger/mania streak just lifted. But I have to remember all that I went through, and put him through for weeks. Funny how bipolar makes you focus on the current thing and feel like it was forever. but I know that time-wise, I have been miserable or way more than I have been happy. It does not add up. I know the […]