I’ve always liked this as I find it very true. So if I’m going to tell someone, it may as well be with people who might have similar experiences. My chapter surprisingly isn’t my depression or suicidal tendencies; instead it is my addiction problem. I’ve been exposed to drugs and therefore addiction a majority of […]
Have you guys ever gone on benders? like you want to get so fucked up so much so all you have to worry about tomorrow is that hangover?
well i did that on saturday, and i dragged along my 2 bestfriends. we had a crazy fun night. we watched movies, ate pizza, had beers and had alprazolam. basically, i was happy i was fucked up with these people.
but on sunday i was still so high that i autopiloted my whole sunday. like i woke up and did shit. even had family lunch. they said that i looked sleep af, they didnt know about my bender the […]
When I got laid off in January I quit all my psych meds except for occasional Xanax for job interviews. I thought I was finally helping myself after years of being a zombie. I was proud of myself and thought the hardest part was over. Wrong. I saw my shrink yesterday and told her I still suffer from extreme nausea and only Xanax and getting drunk makes it go away. She pointed out that my hands were also shaking. She then pointed out the obvious that I have been in denial of. I’m an alcoholic and when my body isn’t drunk or medicated I now […]
Today it is very windy.
Strong winds give me panic attacks, and here’s why:
About 15 years ago a windstorm destroyed my home in the middle of the night. It ripped off the roof while I was in bed sleeping. I heard this horrible loud ripping sound, and I rolled over in bed, still in sleepy confusion.
Instead of my ceiling above me, I saw stars.
The wind had this constant ROAR, and it just wasn’t stopping.
I couldn’t turn on the lights, because the windstorm had knocked out the power earlier that evening.
So there I was, in total darkness, trapped in a windstorm, in a home with no roof.
I […]
Let me start from the beginning. (I’m now revising this and this definitely did not go in the order I thought it would)
I don’t want to reveal my identity too much so i’ll play this safe and call myself Kai.
I’m seventeen years old, eighteen in March. I’m a transgender boy (born female) and i’m gay. My mom’s side of the family is one of the biggest group of unsupportive close minded people you will ever meet. Ever since I was young, I knew i felt different than my siblings and cousins. My family tries to look like your average apple pie and a […]
“The responsible one, the mature one, the reasonable and the rational one. No, I could never just take all that Xanax that’s not right. Gotta keep the grades up gotta stay smart gotta do it right or it all goes downhill.”
Right? That’s who I fucking am, right?
But, you see, I’m so god damned tired of being the responsible, mature, rational girl that knows not to make stupid decisions. Drugs and alcohol are no good, I know what they do to you. I’ve sat through every fucking school assembly about how deadly that lifestyle is, I’ve witnessed people go down that path and never return. But […]
: Some good music (Title Fight), 125 mg of Seroquel, 4 mg of Xanax, 15 mg of Temazepam, 2 shots of vodka, a beer, and a quick masturbation session before I fall asleep watching some lame ass television show or something. Loneliness really is a *****..
I start most weekends with drinking a bottle of wine, then I have another one and then another. I take a few Xanax and a Vicodin or two. Next thing I know its Monday morning and time to go to work again. When I don’t do that I do meth so I can forget about my life. Yet every Monday I get cleaned up and go back to my job that pays me 300k a year. Three of my friends have killed themselves. I have tried at least twice. Now days I rather dull things with liquor and Xanax or meth. So I can get up […]
My name shall remain anonymous. I’ll go by KLM, just to make things easier for everyone who decides to read this.
This is my story. It involves: depression, mood disorder, drugs, drinking, sex, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, and lots of other mature content. I don’t want to trigger anyone, so just stating it before hand. Here goes nothin’.
I was born in Las Vegas, Nevada. Still live in the same house after being alive for these past sixteen years. A lot has happened in my life the past five years. When I was a child, I was a good kid. I got good grades, hardly ever got […]
It’s 3:11 am, I’m just hanging out until my Xanax kicks in. To bad all my problem will still be here tomorrow. I really really need to pull the trigger. Since I’ve got only 8 pills left, maybe that sets the date 🙂
Family does not understand what manic depressive bi-polar is like.
I feel dead inside. My soul has been devoured by a pit of darkness pulling me in.
Every day… I see no hope… no future. Just darkness, pain, lonely… can’t fight the pain much longer.
I am a surviver of lortabs & Xanax overdose. 5 day coma… brain damage. have a shotgun now.
I’m ready….
Hi all, just registered, found the site through some google work. Have been hospitalised for 7 months in February with a nervous breakdown/depression (not certain which, they never told me) after being on Xanax for years. Been back to work in October and had to go see a new psychiatrist for follow-up who subscribed me on Fluoxetine (Prozac). I was doing ok (relatively) before that but for some reason I’m now more depressed than before instead of vice versa. The medication also makes me highly nauseous, especially sick in the morning, and causes severe heart pain in the early hours of morning when lying in […]
Hi,
I am new to this sight, but wanted to share just a bit to those who are considering suicide. As a bit of background, I am a nearly 60 woman with 4 grown kids and 3 grandkids, married to the same man for over 40 years, upper middle class, fairly attractive, intelligent, witty, talented and loved. But last year all hell broke lose…..
My first time in the hospital was in Dec 2011, I self checked in because I had become obsessive about suicide and was tempting fate with pills, a loaded gun, knife to wrist and other dangerous and fatal things and ideas. I didn’t REALLY want […]
I was just prescribed Vyvanse and even though I have not taken it every day in the last 2 weeks I am thinking that it really revs up the suicidal thoughts. Same with Lorazepam.
Anyone else…?
Im sure I sound like a million different ppl u all have heard but, SUICIDE IS NEVER THE WAY!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE READ MY STORY AND I HOPE IT CAN HELP AT LEAST ONE PERSON. I came home from the hospital about 3 hours ago and it starts like this…. I an 23 years old/female and have struggled with depression and anxiety from the age of 12. I was sexually abused as a child by multipule family members including my own father. i have always struggled with my identity and feeling that others didnt love me and i never loved myself very much either. I have […]
This is the first time I have ever told anyone I have been contemplating suicide. Most people would say I have a good life, which I do agree, but I can’t find the motivation to want to help myself. I’m 21 and a college student with a criminal record already and have a family that I have secluded myself from. I want to write out my whole life story but I honestly don’t even care enough to do that. I just know that have suicidal thought on a daily basis isn’t normal. I know I have severe depression problems cause my mom has been diagnosed […]
Since I was 14 or 15 I’ve detested living, but for the most part I’ve hung in there for other people. I tried back in 2000 (and obviously failed) to overdose on xanax. Apparently, I didn’t take enough. When I woke up I was PISSED. I ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks. The last several years of my life have been as far from positive and happy as it can get. Lost my job and after living in another state for 16 years I had to move back in with my parents because I have NO money left. My father will not speak […]
I keep having mental and nervous breakdowns over the stupidest things. For one, when ever i think of my job (subway) i wanna break down crying because i hate it so much. Just having the dog pee on my bed will set me off into a huge crying and sobbing episode that will last for hours. I have panic attacks when that happens. I am seeing a psychiatrist and i dont know how to bring up the fact that i think i need xanax or ativan or something because when i have those episodes i become very suicidal. I have bipolar by the way so […]
I took 12 lortab and nothing happened. Tomorrow I think I will take 20 and all the xanax  I have. I cant stop from breaking down. I always get abandoned. I always get used. I am tired of the loneliness, I miss my ex…I dont know how I could just be disgarded like garbage after all the love I have given. Why do people lie and say they love you when they only want to use you.
My heart is just broke, it wont heal…I am tired of living with this pain…it just wont go away….I am invisible nobody will miss me anyway….