February 2018

why should i explain myself to them if they dont believe me at the end? why should i follow what they want? what about my wants and needs? why should i sacrifice my happiness for them? im not happy anymore… why i cant quit my job? why i cant go anywhere without them? why???

I need the pain to stop. It’s my mums birthday. It’s evil if I hang myself today isn’t it. Great. Now I have to wait till tomorow.

Gassing myself yesterday didn’t work. Sucked it up got ready went dinner planned to throw myself infront of a car. Then the chest pain. I was meant to do it after I had fun. My heart my rib cage the pain.

the worst part I ended up in an ambulance alone.

Now I just heard my two sisters bitching about me.

wow they hate meeeee

they hate me

my own blood hates me. It’s bad enough when so called ‘friends’ lie to you and […]

I try so hard to be good at everything I do. When I succeed I get praised, when I fail I get told “I’m not trying”. Those words sting more than anything else that has been said to me. When I’m not trying, I wouldn’t be upset about messing up. When I’m not trying, I wouldn’t care about how I did. If I’m not trying then why do YOU care about how well I do. You don’t know how I feel, or how you hurt me everyday. How your words cut like a knife that was just sharpened. I hate myself because of you. I […]

This site has been my shoulder to cry on, and helped me in a lot of ways.
But even so, this site has helped me to rant out too much, and helped me to feel sorry for myself.
It also back fired by the fact that I stopped talking to myself and thinking out what will be my next steps.

It is funny but the last problem turned out really bad, I sank into depression as quick as a formula car with turbo and 2 nuclear engines on each wheel.

Humor aside – I have to re-start dealing with my problems on my own. I don’t belong […]

Hi there, i tried to hang myself and almost do it, i did a partial hanging method, tied a rope inside the tube of a closet, sit and in less than a minute i loss my conciousness, the tube fell and my body instanly stand up, i was in shock like, dont understanding why the hell i have a rope in my neck, if the tube where the clothes hang didnt fell, i have died, so fuck up, i will give a try again in a few moments hanging from another place that is more efective, hanging is painfull, but i can tell you that […]

I’ve decided tonight I’m going to try to commit. My mom has locked up my meds so my final option is bleach. I’ve done plenty research and if I drink enough, despite the taste probably being awful, I’ll end up dying. I’m going to do it tonight at 2:00 AM, setting a timer for 1:30, going to bed quite earlier, getting a decent last amount of sleep, and before I drink the awful liquid, I’m going to eat my favorite snack and send a final message to the love of my life, before I kick the bucket. This will probably be my last post. But […]

Everyday I have the idea, I feel this despair and it’s difficult to hide.

I feel the to end with everything. The nonsense of killing myself is turning to be reasonable. I don’t like to live, I don’t like feel the pain, the loneliness. My friends are gone, the love of my life is gone. The only thing I do now is work. I work 15h-16h a day, seven days a week. Not because my work needs me, but because I need work.

I’m afraid to die. I wish I had made different choices. I wish I have never tell you that I was in love. If have […]

Am I finally going to leave this earth? How many stupid goodbye sorry letters do I need to write ?!

I’m only sorry if I ever hurt anyone and who will be hurt.

This is a letter for God,
You exist you got too. I can feel it. But I guess I’m weak. This TEST you put us on this earth for? Well lookS like I failed miserably didn’t I. I’ll finally see the other side. I’m
Shit scared. But I’m more shit scared of this pain I feel in my heart.

What is it a sick joke you play bringing people into my life but then to […]

June 12, 2017. i snapped. I waited all day for my dad to do or say something. I had to piss in a cup coz I couldn’t leave my room. He’s laughing (my brother) to some girl on the phone, I open my door he broke. Who you talking to your ex?! Sarcasm. I say let’s do it. Now. Are you going to take what I say without hitting me?!

Im not going to hit you coz you want me to do that so I can go back to jail.

i laugh and say yep. It’s now or never. We’re going to live under this roof we […]

As the title explains, why are you depressed? What exactly is the reason as to why you feel as life is not worth it?

I’m extremely broken. I want to quit my life.
I know I won’t do it, but I’m really sad.
I feel so fucking dead inside. I feel alone, I feel that the damn is breaking the and there is a leak through the cracks.
I feel like the burden on me is too much.
I’m always worried of what is the financial status of my house is (we are always in debt, the question is how much). I feel like I’m a prisoner on a break through, trying to score this degree studies with out having the ability […]

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