falling_soup

my wish for you is: smiles when sadness intrudes comfort on those difficult days, rainbows to follow the clouds, sunsets to warm your heart, laughter to kiss your lips, hugs when spirits sag, friendships to brighten your being, beauty for your eyes to see, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, patience to accept the truth, courage to know yourself, love to complete your life ?

I have every right to feel lost, alone, afraid, and insecure, I am at the end of my rope for continuing on, you say me dying would break your heart and not to put feelings in […]

The strength you give me is priceless. I stand strong enough everyday just to be here for you, but oh my goodness its getting harder to be here each and waking moment. I try to be here, I try to smile but it just is not enough, the days grow grey, cold and rainy, you and I are growing apart, it hurts me to say that but its true. there really is no point for me anymore, i lost interest in daily activities, even writing this post in the middle of class brings me no relief. I am not paying attention to math class, I […]

that long list? that was pretty much everything wrong with me, the one thing I can say I am honestly “okay with” about myself is being gay, it makes me feel like yes I am not straight but at least I know who I am to a certain extent that is. I have been fighting most of these mental and physical things for as long as I can remember. I have been on different medicines since grade school and seeing psychiatrists, been seeing a therapist since middle school,  and been struggling with the day to day activities. Here I am not even thinking I will […]

Best friends, that is an overused word to describe a friendship, a best friend is a once in a lifetime connection that isn’t romantic, it is someone you can call at 2 a.m crying and will tell you it’s going to be okay. cliche I know, but let me honest with you right here right now, he is my best friend, he is the one person in my life that I have had the most ups and downs in such a short period amount of time, but the most happiest times of my life. (I can watch him rock out to guitar hero and type […]

I promised my best friend here at school that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt myself, I sit here doing my best trying not to do anything idiotic of course but I want to take pills and break a clean razor, the intensity of my thought process right now is inexplicable. My personal best isn’t enough to get through this day, every bone in my body wants to keep my promise but my heart and brain really could care less. I am always trying to do what I have to do in order to make it through the day but the strength left in me […]

I am pretty sure I have enough lithium to kill me, I am going to try it and see what happens.

Love Always,

Falling_Soup

I am done, I think my best friend is going to kill himself and or hurt himself. he is my world and i care about him so so much, so to see him like this breaks my heart. the thought of without him here makes me want me to kill myself and end the pain, i don’t ever want to lose him. I am numb and alone, i sit here with his roommate and I anxiously await for him. i am done.. so done. I can’t do this anymore.

I promised my best friend here at school that I wouldn’t  kill myself or cut, honestly i can’t keep that promise. I feel so depressed. I feel so lonely. I broke up with my boyfriend and now I can’t think straight. I can’t anymore. I am sorry. I am going to self harm for now again until I can get some courage to end it.

Love Always,

Falling_soup

I am suicidal, that word.. “suicidal” was hard to type for me just now yet alone think about. I feel numb and sick to my stomach with sadness, I try to block out my feelings as much as possible but they always seem to creep back up on me and hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been here so many times before. I have been fighting for years and can’t fight anymore. I always will say that I am done and then I attempt and someone saves me, no one can save me now. no one. the panic attack is starting and […]

I think I am going  to cut myself. It simply can’t be held inside anymore. The urges are taking over..

its been only 4 years since I joined SP and I feel like I have made a lot of good in-depth relationships / friends for life. I have seen a lot of people come and go in and out of my life but you guys seem to be the most stable, reliable and compassionate people I have ever met. I am so sorry that each and everyone of you are struggling. No one asked for this terrible monster to be inside us but we have to live with it to the best of our ability, I am so triggered and so depressed right now that […]

feeling a lot of emotions right now. feeling triggered

Someone help me.

Love always,

falling_soup

hello, I have missed you all!!

i have not written in quite some time. When I joined this website I was 14 years old! I was suicidal and alone. I had no where to turn and I was afraid. I think a lot about my past and I wish that things could have turned out differently, I wish I never loss my boyfriend at the time, I wish he wasn’t my first to have sex with at 13 because I see now how attached I was to him and how much I loved and cared for him, he was a jerk and did not deserve a […]

Someone help me. I am afraid of attempting (again).