This depression got me weak.
I see no hope.
sun is gone forever.
Category:
Chronic Pain
This is one of poems I’ve written: When the breakdown is over
The worst part about a breakdown is when it’s over
For a few minutes that feel like years
You just sit there, with your bloodshot eyes and your tear stained face…
emotionless
Everything around you is quiet
And you’re sad; you’re so so sad
Yet everything is numb
Everything is empty
You look straight ahead into the nothingness that you are
Then… you think back to what happened a few minutes ago
And you wish you could go back in time
Just so that you could comfort your own self
So that you […]
Hello! If you remember any of my last posts (I don’t blame you if you dont), I’m currently in a mental rehabilitation center as necessary due to my recent suicide attempt. They allowed me technology today.
They’ve been shoving psyciatric pills down my throat and it’s so annoying, but I guess whatever helps. I hope to be out by the end of March.
See you the next time Im allowed my phone. Stay strong.
~Alex.
I think being an illustrator is not good for me. Well, it’s like I’m not good for an illustrator. This mental issues of mine affects my job. Right now, I can’t seem to draw. I can’t push myself. Not because I feel lazy but because I feel so satisfied with my work but my team, well some of the team, suggest something that DOESN’T really fit in what I’m drawing. I was so satisfied with what I did and already checked if this is okay, if this good and i already finished it maybe 2 weeks ago and it should be submitted 2 WEEKS AGO, […]
I would be so grateful if anyone could comment something nice right now. I just need to hear some nice words. Please, I just need someone to say something nice to me.
I went back to school and work today, after nearly a week of staying in bed. Ive been eating less than 400 calories a day, but at this point i don’t even feel hungery.
Things have been looking better for me, but i feel so selfish for not being happy. I feel numb and sluggish, and i am anxiety stricken every moment of the day.
My mother hasnt been home much, so i dont have to deal with her as much as i usually do. Ive had a break from the screaming.
although my mother is screaming at me, my brain is hollering at the top of its […]
I’m doing a wonderful job of getting progressively worse
My mother is considering quitting her job because
I’m kinda shutting down.
She told me her day has been okay
but I’m told she nearly crashed this morning
because my bullshit made her break down mentally.
I saw this kid walking to school near me yesterday.
I don’t see that too often because most people around here seem to get rides.
I believe he’s a junior.
He seemed mature
in that traditional sense
like adults could take him seriously
but I noticed the entire walk
that his actions
seemed to be completely independent of his surroundings.
It reminded me of low budget graphics
and how, in truly terrible films, the characters have […]
I ate so little people started telling me they thought I had an eating disorder. Now, I overeat. I eat and eat until it feels like I’m actually going to explode. My body hurts even more now after eating, then when I didn’t and had those extremely painful hunger pangs.
I don’t eat because I like food or anything. Not even because I’m hungry, I’m not hungry very often. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate food. But it tastes mostly the same for me. I still have my preferences in like big differences I guess, but not really. See, it’s not about the taste, that’s just […]
I have deleted my ex friend [she was a female] from my contacts. We used to have a lot of midnight talks. She was my distraction from everything. The credit is not for her being anything special, but it is for her being a tool of distraction.
Now that she is gone/ or “it”, I’m hollowed again.
I used to have lots of sports but this month I have finals, so I have to study 24/7. With the sports gone, I’m just going straight forward deeper into the rabbit’s hole.
I wish I had a “friend” to talk to, but in the same time I know […]
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I wish I live in movies, books, novels, comics, anime, video games. Real world / Real life / Reality is boring & depressing.
by niki
written by niki
Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.
I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & […]
I can’t live anymore, not without her. My life has been absolute shit from the beginning, my real mom did drugs and hated me, i was abused a small bit, then when i got my current parents i was harshly punished for the smallest offenses. My friends all left me around 8th grade and i thought things were looking up for me my junior year, because a girl actually liked me. We ended up together but after two months she left me because she had mental issues. She was and still is perfect to me. I have tried my hardest to show i care, to […]
“there is but one philosophical problem, and that is suicide”
Albert Camus
I usually skim through this website as a lurker, so this is my first post. I am unsure how to title this but I hope people will find this note nevertheless. What can I say? I am aged 28, male, intelligent, ambitious, and attractive. Throughout my life, I have been good at sport, physically agile, and had a can-do attitude. I loved living once. I had grown so much as a man in my past 5 years and enjoyed a spurt of good health. I had a loving family throughout my life. I was at […]
So I got out of the adolescent unit of a behavioral health facility
and
I’m lost.
I went purposely, y’know
seeking help.
And I got some?
I felt so optimistic
so productive
whilst I was there
but I got picked up last night
and now I just
don’t know what to do or how to apply anything?
There’s so much to fix
so much to get past
and it seemed so simple there but now it’s just
not?
I had it mapped, planned in the abstract
and no way to truly accomplish anything.
I’m trying so hard to get it together and I’m so pissed that I can’t fix myself in a day
but Rome fucking burned in one.
So it’s been a long time since I’ve been on this site. Last month, was the worst month I’ve ever been through. No, I didn’t self harm, because, i was way past that point. I was at the point where i felt certain pain and had emotional breakdowns often, but i felt genuinely empty now. Before, I often had reasons as to why I would feel particularly horrible one day, more so than before. But last month, I just was horribly in emotional pain for all 31 days. My grades dropped so much and the drive I had to succeed in school and life was […]
I’m not particularly striking, I suppose.
Not lightskinned, my nose is big
Just generally unappealing
I’ve worn an afro for about 4 years now
turns people off, or the ones I’m trying to attract at least.
I oversexualize myself in a way that seems to push people away even more.
I’ve this ridiculous tendency to be both loud and overtly inappropriate
I’m aware of it but,,, it’s just the way I am, I suppose.
I’m so good at repulsing everyone and I’m just
at this developmental stage in life where everyone else is changing and I’m just…not?
Dying hair, getting piercings, finding interests
I suppose I’ve gone through that phase already
but I’m just. stagnant at this […]
hi. i got expelled from school like a week ago (10th grade). my parents don’t give a shit, but they tell me to get a job. can’t seek for one outside the house ’cause i’m super socially anxious. i tried to kill myself for god knows how many times and the only conclusion is a sick head. i don’t know what to do anymore, really. it feels like the universe is toying me.
I lied to you guys about quitting this site…
I just can’t, you strangers are the only one to talk to.
I’m getting really lonely, and afraid of losing control.
I’m at my second semester, February is going to be the finals (University tests). Last semester I scored 88.5 average which is pretty high. But I promised my mom to score around 95 this semester.
I’m focused on the target…..but at the end of the day, when it gets silent, and I feel like talking, I’ve none to talk to.
I’m a friendly fine looking man, it is not that I […]