Chronic Pain

4

  June 25th, 2015 by Hi

Its funny, because as soon as I cut, the tears stop. I have no need to cry anymore. Until tommorow.

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2

determined

  June 25th, 2015 by 134kuub

I just want to die

I have felt this way nearly 5 years now, i am so unhappy with every aspect of my life. I don’t know what to do with my future, i don’t feel excitement or motivation to do anything. I got diagnosed with an illness but it’s not even a condition that could kill me, it just makes me constantly tired and sore. I gave gotten to the point that i don’t care about being selfish and if it hurts people, I’m in so much pain all the time and i feel like it’s my only solution. Sometimes i want to reach out …

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2

Life

  June 25th, 2015 by wolflit

I’ve been wanting to kill myself for the past few days. I’m not healthy. I should talk to my psychiatrist and get my meds changed, but I don’t have the money to get new ones. I shouldn’t live. My moods flip-flopped for a day and then settled on depression. I can’t get out. Nothing is worth it. Not even my son, and he usually is. I can’t even cry anymore. How pathetic is that?

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3

I want it to end

  June 25th, 2015 by 2sick2care

I’m tired I’ve been tired, I’m a walking fuckin skeleton with nothing left to give you can look at me and see I’m no longer here anymore. 24 years old or 4 this is all I’ve known, a never ending black hole I’ve gotten fuckin stupider and have ultimately fucked myself up even more. I’m sicker than sick, I’m fuckin sick and feel like nothing in this world can “fix” me. I honestly believe this is it  no heaven or hell we had a choice to make this world our heaven or hell,  the more I look around and the longer I choose to stay …

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5

I shouldn’t have done it.

  June 24th, 2015 by lulereign

I regret it completely.

I tried talking to my school counsellor, and another lecturer whom I hoped  could trust with this problem. I just felt so hopeless that I thought that perhaps telling someone would lessen it (I don’t know, it was a moment of weakness).

Not only did that lecturer betray confidentiality – she told the counsellor that I wanted to commit suicide (which it do not) – and according to protocol she may have to report me. I couldn’t believe it. You can’t trust anyone, no matter what they swear or promise.

It was awful. The counsellor indirectly blamed me for her not being able to …

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2

Humpty Dumpty

  June 24th, 2015 by LooneyLou

I moved out of my mum’s house to get away and have a chance at living. There I was falling behind in school, and I had to raise both of my siblings and take care of them even though one was three years older than me. I did all the house work, cooking, and cleaning. I played Mum because no one else cared. Finally, ten months ago, I moved out and in with my aunt and cousins. I don’t know which place is worse. Everyone here hates me. I’m the ***** that moved in and ruined everybody’s life even though I’ve been generous and I …

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1

Don’t know really

  June 23rd, 2015 by dontknowreally

I’ve had depression, anxiety and anger problems for years now. I have my good patches, I have my bad. Currently it’s my longest run of bad patch,  over 2 months of consecutive bad days no good ones filtered in there, it’s taking its toll really.

I have a lot of responsibility, I run a business, I just received a loan from my parents to buy a car. Every time I try and see a psychologist something comes up, a business meeting, all of my bills come out on the same day so I have no money. The problem is the bad days just keep on coming, …

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2

Does it get better?

  June 23rd, 2015 by lulereign

I’m a med student.

I’ve recently started cutting – just yesterday in fact – and it hurts. I’d gone and bought carpet blades and tested it, but the feeling when the blade cuts across kinda makes me cringe. But the aftermath – the little pinprick of pain that follows, is amazing. It’s constantly there, and I can FEEL it.

Does it get better? I want to feel that pain, but the starting part just kinda puts me off. It’s he constant pain that makes it so worth it. I’d woken up this morning and added three more cuts, but like I said, the starting part isn’t that pleasant.

I’d …

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3

Pathetic

  June 23rd, 2015 by identitycrisis10

When my mother died I was eight years old. When this happened my father turned to drugs and proceeded to neglect and somewhat abuse me and my brother (non-sexually). Every since then I have looked for some affection from any man, just to have them be kind to me or even love me. I was later molested by two men I was manipulated and broken.
Everyone says I’m beautiful, but I’m always ridiculed by guys for many reasons. And whenever I proceed to tell a guy I like him, he acts like i’m the most disgusting thing in the world.
But then I finally found a man …

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4

perfect?

  June 21st, 2015 by xpressure

i’m so sick of this bullshit.

when there are many people around, they say that they’re so proud of me, that they’re lucky to have me as their daughter.

meanwhile at home, they just yell at me about how a disgrace i am to the family.

everything i do is for them, even just studying, even living.

they don’t believe in suicide, they tell me that people who commited suicide were just tempted by the devil.

but what they don’t know is that their own daughter is too.

i’ve been the salutatorian ever since i began studying. i’ve been the editor-in-chief of our school newsletter. i always join contests, but never won

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2

Monkeys

  June 19th, 2015 by Haven

A misleading title… I couldn’t think of an interesting and befitting title. It has no relevance to the actual post. Just a word that came from what I’m reading.

To this day, I still don’t completely understand why I have these thoughts. Bad things have happened in the past and had a major impact on my life, and that was then. Now is now. I’ve accepted fate.

The bad things that have happened in the past has left me in a situation that I cannot overturn, so I’ve been living with ‘it’ since. Sorry for the vagueness. I can’t disclose the details on here.

I’ve been in this …

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1

I dont think I’m depressed anymore, but…

  June 18th, 2015 by Hi

Im not sure whether or not I still have depression because I stopped crying and feeling numb all the time. However, maybe its because I got out of school and I dont have to see anyone anymore. I still cut and think about cutting everyday. I still like depressing music. Im not sure if im better or not.

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2

I can’t stand it

  June 17th, 2015 by disgusting

I know I posted earlier, and I am afraid it IS coming very soon. But I just have to get it off my chest.

I don’t deserve to work my ass off on 8-10 hour days for 3 hours of pay just to come “home” to a place I have to leave in a week, with nowhere to go after the next week, with my jobs on the line at risk of losing all income, just to cry all god damn evening until I finally pass out for the night.

I deserve a full time job that I can live off of.

I deserve a place to live.

I …

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15

Jealous … Sad … or Indifferent?

  June 17th, 2015 by Dawg

It’s been quite some time since I last posted here. Life was difficult (and in many ways still is) when I was a regular contributor. A quick recap: chronic pain/back injury, constant struggle to get necessary medications to manage said pain to maintain something akin to a “normal” life, got destroyed in the housing market collapse – lost two houses, and child support enforcement that seems to think I a gazillionaire when I can barely afford to eat – never mind that all “children” are adults.

There’s a plethora of other smaller issues that contribute, and some of those listed above – particularly the child support …

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4

My Insignificant Tale

  June 15th, 2015 by DarknessIncarnate

Hello to you all. I am DarknessIncarnate. This is not my real name but my tale is real I can assure you.

How do I start? I suppose it started when I was in Primary. In my years in my primary school I was never able to make any friends asides from two people. One had the surname of Holmes and the other of Dell. Let’s call them H (for Holmes) and D (for Dell). My first friend was H, and we never really were that far apart from one another. We were close friends and always enjoyed more abstract, imaginative games. Often involving crossing together …

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1

Afraid

  June 11th, 2015 by keeprunning

I guess I’ve been scared for a long time. I worry constantly about everything, so much so that people yell at me about my worries and about how annoying I am. I don’t know what will happen in the future – I don’t know if I’ll be able to change or if my depression will go away. I’ve had depression for about two to three years, and I haven’t seen anyone or told anyone about it, except for my best friend, but he doesn’t understand. No one understands. I don’t think I truly have friends, because they know me on a school-politeness-same hobbies way, but …

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8

Some things personal

  June 11th, 2015 by tralala

fuck, i don’t know where to write. This is the only place i felt safe to write something down and make it public. I am sorry, I am not suicidal anymore. Life is way more sucky this way. I can’t let myself even fantasize about killing myself because now I am a bitter grown up person who is not selfish enough to allow myself those fantasies. But I am selfish. And my lazy, depressive and lost existence makes life difficult for people around me, just less difficult than it would be if I killed myself. So I am that much less selfish.

Some days are so …

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2

I do not know what I want to say.. but help? advice? tips? anything?

  June 10th, 2015 by munckin

So, I just started a new job… I took it for several reasons:
a) I earn 300 euro more compared to before and could depending on my performance boost this with another 60% of my total salary… But this is just money. I hate it.
b) Maybe it is the same as the above as I am currently in dept more or less… because of the drugs. I actually took the job (partly) so that I could support this lifestyle, while thinking I would be able to make my life more stable with a 9 till 5 job rather then one in which my hours fluctuate every …

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4

Decomposing

  June 8th, 2015 by kinziek

People say ‘just give it time, hang in there’ etc but what’s the point? It’s just more time to decompose, for your mind to deteriorate.

10 years ago someone said to me ‘you’re on the cusp of a really great relationship’, now that person is married and I haven’t had one relationship since. If that’s not a sign to slice your throat and let the blood pour out until you’re gone I don’t know what is.

None of my ‘friends’ talk to me anymore, or invite me anywhere, I never go out anywhere. When I texted everyone that I was changing my phone number no one responded. …

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3

Just one more day

  June 8th, 2015 by Thalen

Right now I’m lying here in bed, like every weekend, overthinking, like trapped inside my own mind. I wonder what may be wrong, I can’t find any answer. Since I was a little child, I knew there was something different in me, too shy, too nervous, too sensitive, too depressed.

I grew in a humble home, my parents never went to a school, dad was an alcoholic and agressive person, often came drunk and angry at the nights. Sober or drunk, whatever, he always seemed disappointed about me, and that was confusing to me, because I always did my best in everything.  Mom was a victim …

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