The effects of suicide on family and friends.
does anyone else feel like they have reached out but received zero support? I’ve tried my best friend, and doctor yet neither seemed to take it seriously.
Category:
Family & Friends Effects
Last Friday I nearly killed myself. I have been spiralling worse and worse over the last couple of years. 2 years ago my best friend killed himself, and it has amplified and set my pre-existing depressive feelings out of control. I have been cracking down the last couple of weeks, drinking heavily and doing drugs. On Friday I got really drunk and split off from my friends. A few hours later, at around 3a.m I walked toward the local river. I stood on a the bridge over the slight drop into the water, just looking at first. It was very pretty. Then I started thinking […]
I smile often when I’m in public. A strong clear smile.
I laugh loudly as well. So loud you could hear from a hundred miles.
With this I attempt to conceal. To present a false sense to the ones I love.
The people who’s opinions I do wish to preserve.
I try to conceal, not only for me, but also for them.
I do not want to cause them much suffering by knowing me.
I do not want my illness to spread like a plague to them and the heavens.
So I conceal, I hide, I smile, I laugh, I dance, I distract, I please, I HIDE.
Am I the only hidden one?
I can’t stand the thought of my mother, or family walking through my bedroom door and seeing me there lifeless with blood pouring from my body. I know there’s other ways… but no matter what they’ll find out… that it was me who did it. I don’t want my mother to ask the what if’s. She will always blame herself. Other lives and feelings are worth more than mine… so if I have to carry on wanting to kill myself every second just so everyone else is happy, I will. But it’s so, so hard to do and I can’t fucking do this alone anymore. […]
When my friends are sad or when I people I admire or look up to are sad or cutting, it makes me want to cut like as if its a trend when it shouldn’t be? I’m a sheep. A follower. If my friends jump off a bridge I would too. So I guess when other people tell me they’re cutting it makes me want to cut or feel sad about my life or feel like it should be bad. Even in movies or tv shows if people have shit lives and cut themselves or commit suicide, it makes me feel like my life is shit […]
i found a new girl, we have been talking for a bit but i think i’m getting to deep to quick. I flirt with her even without trying to and i can’t stop myself. I think i’m breaking her because i’ve started cutting again. I need to break it off but i dont know how. Someone please help me.
Hey there, we used to talk on Kik, and I’m worried about you because you haven’t been on in a long time.. if you’re okay, could you let me know? I’m worried and I miss talking to you
all i do now is bs my homework for grueling AP classes i barely care about or fall behind and get chewed out by my parents who i hate to disappoint, but i’m a disappointment anyway i guess lmao what else is new right
my family and friends might love me but i’m starting not to care anymore because i just hate myself so much and become so jealous of their flourishing lives that i’m pretty sure if i were to show how i really feel to other people i’d truly be the burden i believe myself to be deep down
i’m just surviving day by day […]
I have an issue were I go to say something, I forget and stutter or when I try to say something it’s awkward and I stutter.. I don’t know how the hell this seemed to develop in me..I seem to forget words.. I’m so embarrassed. My friend was over and I hardly had anything to say…I’m so bad at communicating and when I do try to communicate it’s like I’m speaking stupid. I don’t know how he gets through the day with me, let alone calling me.. I wish I was better.. I wish i wasn’t afraid to speak my mind or be me..
Reality is boring ! Real life is boring ! Real world is boring ! Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress !
by niki
written by niki
Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.
Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.
I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:
1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in […]
I’ve never posted here before, or ever really posted anything about my feelings publicly before. I never learned to properly express my emotions, either. I think that has led to me having a lot of things bottled up inside me. My childhood wasn’t great, so I have a lot of feelings built up about that. I ended up having to act like an adult before I got the chance to really have a childhood. I think that’s really taken a toll on me. I may end up posting here more. It can never hurt to try another way of coping.
It’s been a while since I’ve last been on here. As a matter of fact, it has been a while since I’ve confronted myself about what is going on around me. For the most part, I blame it on school. I have loads of work to do and having to balance it while also dealing with my parent’s bullshit takes up all my time. I guess part of the reason I have not been putting anything on here is also because I fear someone finding out that this account belongs to me. Anyways, things have been all over the place. I have relapsed twice last […]
The sickness came
We didn’t know
what it was, or
if it would stay or go.
The doctors said,
“She won’t stay long”
but we still hoped
that the were wrong.
Then she went
she flew away
God took her home
She’s there to stay.
When she went
I fell apart
it pierced me through
just like a dart.
Picked up back habits
I knew they were bad
had no other explanation
other than that , “I’m sad.”
Changed my life
the way I lived
most of it
was not what I wanted.
My dad told me,
“Think about you Mom.”
‘When she’s looking down at you
is she proud of who you’ve become?’
My friends told me,
“Keep your head up,
You’ll be fine.”
How could they know
What’s next in line.
*just a poem I wrote […]
They asked me.
“Why do you cut yourself?”
They asked me.
“Why are there scars in your body?”
They asked me.
“Are you crazy?”
They told me.
“Attention seeker at its finest.”
And i sighed. Breathed heavily and walked away.
Whats the good in telling them what my demons tell me what to do, it’s better to keep my insanity to myself.
Because it’s better keeping everything inside rather than telling the world who doesn’t know how to listen.
I’ve never believed this before.
So naive of me.
Naive enough to settle around with the idea that people are to be trusted and to be humbled the fact that they will always keep you sane.
Never believed in such saying until friends turn to enemies and laugh turns to frowns and until then when my heart has been shuttered by the awful truth that friends can be a sharp tool towards the breaking of your own sound mind.
And so when i felt my world crushing down, I came to the standing ground of believing that the only one you can trust is yourself.
Nothing like waking up to my sister screaming and crying on the phone. *sighs* so much for a nice day off of sleeping in.
The situation with my sister on the other hand is an entirely different tale. The count is 4 fights now in the past week. I feel like I’m starting to get through to her that I don’t like how she treats me. But yet nothing ever really changes. No matter how many times I stand up for myself it seems like the only one getting hurt is me. I actually had my mom even admit to me that she even couldn’t […]
This is my first time writing here and also writing about this so openly. I don’t know where do I start, but I do know when will all of this ends, very soon actually. I’m on the edge now which isn’t so very surprising considering there are about millions who are like me too, some, worse than me. It saddens me that I’m just one of those millions who suffer like this, that I’m only a part of some statistics scientists conduct every year. That I’ll never be someone, I’ll just be a part of something bigger. And soon, no one will remember that I […]
When people ask me how old I am, I actually have to stop and think about it. I’m 24 now and sometimes that surprises me, I was honestly convinced at one point that I would get to die young. Well, it was more of a hope really, perhaps that way I wouldn’t have to deal with any of the bullshit responsibilities, obligations, and insecurities that I am facing now. I guess death seemed/seems like the easy way out.
My years in high school all seem like a blur now, but I do remember feeling tired all the time. I didn’t know it back then, […]
Because I smile when I can see your smile
Because Im breathing when I can see you live
Without you Im dead inside
The death is no different with what I feel without you
If I can switch my life with you
I would love too
Ill be happy to die first
Than seeing you off first
Or should I just go with you
The pain I hold
The scar I have
I cant stand with my own feet
Should I just go with you..?
It is 2014, I’m young.
Have yet understood why my I can’t understand other’s feelings.
Mom is breaking down, she is alone, she is going through courts and she is under a lot of stress.
Knowing things can get out of hand at any moment, I don’t sleep.
Not even blinking.
My head is on the pillow, but my ears are searching all over the place. I clearly hear the neighbor’s dog, the child across the street, the moving cars, and how many there are.
The following days, mom starts acting weird, just like in those horror movies where the demon is taking over. She yells, and […]