Category:

Family & Friends Effects

The effects of suicide on family and friends.

i might do it soon. i dont know where to go from here.

by damidami 7/10/2021

written by damidami

just 1 am thoughts again. its always in a cycle, i get extremely suicidal, im in this weird state where im just numb and i feel okay i guess and then i spiral. im back in my suicidal part of the cycle, except one important thing: my brother killed himself. thats what the police say anyways, im not sure, i dont know. he came to me alot to vent, i shut him out, our relationship wasnt always the best, so right now the only thought that has been repeating is that i killed my brother. i drove him to suicide. i dont know where to […]

7/10/2021 3 comments

Imprisoned with no accusation

by ira_prather_mccraney 7/9/2021

written by ira_prather_mccraney

Today is Friday. Mom’s night out for my granddaughters’ Mom – my daughter-in-law. At least that was true a couple of years ago. Now, Friday is the day that my wife of 36+ years gets to see my granddaughters while she is at work, but i am not allowed to see or talk to my granddaughters.
I am almost 60 years old and spent most of my life trying to keep up with the bills, but decided after being laid off after almost 22 years with the same company that I would rather spend more time with my son and his family than to try […]

7/9/2021 1 comment

I feel empty

by tolstoi 7/6/2021

written by tolstoi

I don’t know how to start. I don’t really know what’s the main problem. I know I have a shitty life and I am kind of used to it. It sucks that I have to dissapoint everyone I care for, but I am used to it. I could go on without giving it too much thought, but the problem is my girlfriend. (I’m 21, she is 19). She is a constant reminder that I am not good enough and that I don’t deserve her. She reminds me all the time of how I dated my ex (which was fat, ugly and stupid) and how she […]

7/6/2021 10 comments

Personal Introduction

by jamk 6/26/2021

written by jamk

Hi, my name is Jamie and I am plagued with suicidal ideation. My first hit was when one of my parents died when I was 6. I was molested as a child before I was 8 which caused me to wet the bed during my entire childhood and even early adulthood.

When I was 14, the dark cloud had progressed due to physical and emotional abuse from my one remaining parent. I almost called Child Protective Services but something told me they do not have kid’s best interest at heart. It was a serious threat, so my parent called a relative to talk to me and […]

6/26/2021 2 comments

Family chains

by afval 6/25/2021

written by afval

I can’t even silently exist near someone without coming off as a ***** (my brother says I have to watch my body language because I can come off as a ***** he didn’t say that exactly but thats essentially what he said). What the hell can I do? I don’t mean too I just try to stay out of the way and make as low of impact wherever I am, and if I speak I’m annoying or at least no one seems to care what I am saying their eyes wander they look at their phone they don’t even register what I am saying I […]

6/25/2021 1 comment

in a sad madness a monster exists

by afval 6/23/2021

written by afval

my mother/family effect everything I do sometimes I wish I had no family I mean I have always felt alone and all my family does is make me feel like crap . I cant stand this sad madness in my mind I cant take it! who am I? am I this monster they say I am? am I really so horrible? I try to be good but all they do is tell me or make me feel like I’m a villain my mother is the worse contender she’s the main reason the rest of my family think I’m so terrible she gossips about me to […]

6/23/2021 2 comments

Back In 2013

by madetofade2 6/11/2021

written by madetofade2

I used to come to this site a lot as a 13 year old. My username was MadeToFade.
Im Jamie. I’ll be 24 in late July of 2021. Before suicideproject was a .org, I came to type out my feelings. I expressed my frustrations and sadness, but I also conversated with a male 22 years older than myself on that website, underneath the old username Ive given above.
Due to observation by members of the site, it was pointed out that “Nolen” was in fact an adult, and “MadeToFade” was in fact a minor.
I am thankful that someone noticed and felt alarmed enough to […]

6/11/2021 3 comments

Break up

by Unsheard 5/31/2021

written by Unsheard

My girlfriend, well ex girlfriend, broke up with me about a week ago. I’ve had relationships in the past where i have been broken up with and i thought i loved those people but this one hurts so much more. Her reason was because she felt like she lost her self worth, not because of me and she said that i deserve the world but she needs to focus on herself. My last 3 ex’s broke up with me for pretty much the same reason. They all said that i was great and it’s not my fault but all i can keep thinking is what […]

5/31/2021 3 comments

Each and Every Passing Day: A Deeper Look at Life

by SadG 5/30/2021

written by SadG

Each and every passing day I get closer and closer to being able to fully commit to killing myself and throughout my life its caused me to take a deeper look at life including my own as a whole.

Life is rife with issues and has begun to feel like its not even worth living for, even with all that I have in this life. Family, friends, acquaintances, and activities are the only things that really keep me in this life living through it all. But even now I find myself giving into these horrid thoughts, even with the kind of blessings I have had. I […]

5/30/2021 5 comments

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense.

by LeaveMeAlone. 5/30/2021

written by LeaveMeAlone.

“I contribute nothing. I’m useless. I need to stop acting like I’m depressed and start working.” Those are my mother’s words, not mine. If I talk back I get punished, if I try to help I get humiliated and degraded. Why should I be alive anyway? It’s not like I make anyone’s day better. It’s not like I’m helping anyone. Even the times I have helped someone, it must have been something I imagined because no one else remembers me ever helping anyone. Like, what am I even supposed to do? Everything just gets taken away from me. My parents just undermine all my efforts […]

5/30/2021 2 comments

The way I live

by SamLight 5/23/2021

written by SamLight

It is very difficult to express the way I feel on a daily basis. Today, I was supposed to study for my finals but i didn’t. Thoughts kept running through my mind, and I imagined a whole conversation with a psychiatrist and kept talking to him for 3 hours. It felt like I was in a bubble, it felt so real. I’ve always been like this, since I do not have close friends, there’s no one to share my thoughts with, so I imagine people in my mind. Oh lord loneliness has become my home. I feel very awkward when engaging in a real conversation […]

5/23/2021 2 comments

Unrequited love

by AnnieQ 5/11/2021

written by AnnieQ

Despite not talking to this someone, and deliberately choosing to have no means of getting into any kind of contact, if I ever happened to see him walking down the street (which I know I won’t), the only thing I could honestly say is:

-Hey, it’s been reeeeaaaally fun talking to you that exists in my head this entire year we haven’t talked at all. Have a nice day!

Welp, guess it has to be that way. I just hope that I won’t die before he who is in my head dies.It’s sort of pathetic, because I can’t count the times I thought to myself that I […]

5/11/2021 5 comments

I just don’t know what to do anymore.

by Itsgonnabeokay 5/9/2021

written by Itsgonnabeokay

I hate even talking about it because I am scared I will convince others to feel the same as me. My thinking is wrong I guess so don’t follow me. I am 27 now I’ll be 28 soon. I grew up being hopeful so hopeful and happy like I had the world I could go anywhere I had the feeling like things will go up and I still have things to do.

I was listening to music from 2011 not even sad music and I just started sobbing. I remembered how happy I was I really think I was so happy then. But each year after […]

5/9/2021 5 comments

Do you feel better today?

by LeaveMeAlone. 5/6/2021

written by LeaveMeAlone.

Do you feel better? You look pretty good today. Do you feel better than yesterday? For the past two days you have been looking better. Do you feel better? You want to feel better right? Do you feel better? Do you feel better? Is it better today? Hi, do you feel better? Is it better now? Do you feel better? Is it better? You look better, do you feel better? You want to feel better right? Do you worry about the future? You will feel better in the future right? Because you want to feel better in the future right? You want to feel better. […]

5/6/2021 3 comments

foreign feelings

by system 4/30/2021

written by system

i have a friend overseas who i’ve known for around 4 years now.

he’s really important to me. but i’m scared.

i’m scared because he hasn’t betrayed me.

i’m scared because he hasn’t gotten rid of me.

i’m scared because he hasn’t dropped me.

i’m scared because he insists that he cares about me.

i’m terrified of all of it, it’s so foreign to me. to have someone who doesn’t want to break me down until i’m nothing.

whenever he says he cares about me

the only thing i can think of is “i don’t believe you.”

4/30/2021 1 comment

the buzzing emotion

by corvidaecorpse 4/29/2021

written by corvidaecorpse

uhhh i am feeling echoes right now like the emotion of buzzing like tv static being projected onto an old classroom projector

here is the events i just can’t process them right now but i need to put them somewhere just to put them outside of my head

so my little brother decided to drop in for a surprise visit and i’m playing host

my partner decides to postpone the usual shit he does to have a conversation/hang out with my brother

i am sort of joining in on the conversation mostly listening but the three of us are chatting.

this is the most conversation i’ve had with […]

4/29/2021 3 comments

quiet is worse, probably

by corvidaecorpse 4/27/2021

written by corvidaecorpse

when i was younger, in those loud and chaotic group homes, in those uncaring public schools, i could easily self-soothe without worrying. no one cared. i could repeatedly bash my head into the concrete or the doorway or the metal support beam in the handicapped stall. as long as i left the classroom or main room i could make those noises in the back of my throat. i could hit or slap myself loudly, i could break my shit, rip things apart, snap my whittling projects into pieces.
then in my last home, behavior was strictly monitored, loud outbursts were not allowed. when i was […]

4/27/2021 2 comments

word stock

by corvidaecorpse 4/27/2021

written by corvidaecorpse

i am semi nonverbal i think. i have a very low word stock.

like if i’m typing, depending on the headspace I can go on for a while, have a back-and-forth on discord for twenty or more messages in a row on a good day.

irl/spoken has less stock. i can talk a lot about my special interests specifically but not really as a back and forth and it has my natural speech pattern which is probably hard to follow. and when i infodump it tends to be about convoluted subject matter and jump place to place. but i haven’t actually […]

4/27/2021 2 comments

i feel at peace thinking about ending it

by staticnoise 4/25/2021

written by staticnoise

the easy way out. it’s tempting. I don’t know. but i cannot step foot out of this house without thinking about my family.. about they might feel. I don’t want to leave them with my selfish decision. I don’t know what i want… but it seems so easy.

4/25/2021 1 comment

i don’t know what to do anymore

by staticnoise 4/25/2021

written by staticnoise

I’m tired. I’m so done. I want to kill myself because of how much of a failure I’ve become. My mother is mad at me and is ignoring me. My father doesn’t really talk to me much. My friends never text me anymore, only when i text them. Im failing classes. I don’t see a point in being alive anymore when everything around me is falling apart. I’m so tired of having to live. I’ve been trying to make everyone around me (in my household + coworkers) believe that I’m 100% and that nothing can phase me.. but I’m so broken to the point it […]

4/25/2021 1 comment

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