General

a small part of me is happy that my anxiety was vindicated, hit a snag in the Desktop work… now I don’t have it, spent a whole day working my butt off, and nothing, not yet anyway. I’m not saying it’s a lost cause, just more than I can take on, and it hurts.

Which is that hollowed out feeling. I feel like a Jack=O-Lantern, outwardly I don’t look too bad. Inside….. rot, deep and expanding rot. I keep smiling because I know the time will come soon that I can’t. I keep working because I know my capacity is waning. It feels literally like I’m […]

Eternal Hell
Is just living
Having to Exist
Wishing you didnt have to be here
Disgusted everybody
Im a monster
That deserves to die
Taking secrets to the grave
Made mistakes i wish i didnt make
Now im defined by my problems
Not strong enough to solve them
Fading away slowly
Time only endures the pain
One final day, It can all fade away
Until the pain ends, the only way i know out
Into the darkness, i will finally Escape

I’m so bored and tired of suffering. What about you.

Would you rather have one superpower (telepathy, teleporting, flying, etc) OR be very happy?

Did they get you to hate
Did they destroy your faith
Did they break your heart
Tear your world apart

Are you running scared and alone
Are you without any place to call home
Are you coming apart at the seams
Are you disconnected

Did they break you down to nothing
Are the nails already in your coffin
The War

Did they shoot your heroes down
Turn your hope into doubt
Did they trample all of your dreams
Take away your means

Are you living in your own hell
Are you without a soul to tell
Are you screaming at a wall
Are you disconnected

Did they break you down […]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/202208/the-dark-side-of-staying-positive?fbclid=IwAR1TGzZbDUhV6x1Ti1_qpZM_35I-lb4fNLLlDN6XpRpReEJbuelQnC2yz1g

I’m losing hope for myself and this world. Why is it only constant battles? Constant suffering? What is even the point of me continuing to wake up and live through another day?… I’m really tired of hurting. I’m starting to have a very bitter outlook on people and the world, it doesn’t help anything and I’m just as much scum as anything else…

My mom finally told me some things today, about our family on her side. Her bio. mom has ruined everything with mom’s family out of state, and now all they do is fight and guilt trip and play the blame game. They drag […]

Did you know Garfield was in fact a cynical cash grab on behalf of it’s creator? well now you do, he was an ad man and figured out that he could create a character people relate to by making it a cat who hates mondays.

On an only slightly more cheerful note, there’s a song called “I don’t like Mondays” that was released by the band Boomtown Rats. It tells the story of a young girl who decided to walk into her former school and did a mass shooting. When asked why she did what she did, she said; “I don’t like Mondays, I wanna shoot […]

I’M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS PLEASE FUCKING KILL THEM ALL OR KILL ME

Everyone is lonely nowadays. Do you agree?

I think I’m going to quit. Only one semester in and I’m already thinking about quitting. I always joked that I wouldn’t last a semester. I guess I know myself best. I went to grad school as a way to run away from becoming an adult. I thought it would be like undergrad and I would continue just goofing off like I did there. I was scared of going into the workforce because I thought I couldn’t make it. That I would fail and become unemployable. So I ran away. Now I’m running away from this. […]

I make no secret my disillusionment regarding mental healthcare in the United States, and I know from many of you that you’ve had a tough time getting good treatment as well.

With that in mind, a US senator has checked himself into the hospital for depression. Maybe it’s just interesting to political junkies like me, but I’m curious how it makes you feel. Not getting into any political BS, just a point of interest that a public figure has willingly checked in, and admitted to the public that it’s due to depression.

I know for my part, it’s hard to imagine someone that successful experiencing something similar […]

Show him a drunk man says the old proverb, I would be inclined to agree. The aforementioned expression has nothing to do with alcoholism and has everything to do with seeing or hearing your negative conduct displayed by someone else. Only then can one learn.

A perfect example being what I heard outside my office this morning. I was on youtube watching a documentary about suicide, there was chatter outside my office from what I guessed was a group of medical students early 20’s. I was trying to concentrate on the documentary in spite of the chatter. The main part of the group moved on and […]

I think I have a massively distorted sense of what might make a life meaningful (romantic love, beauty.) Possibly because I’ve never had those things in my own life, it’s allowed my mind to magnify their significance over the years. Perhaps those who do experience them are more able to view them through an appropriate perspective. But to attach so much meaning to something so trivial/inconsequential definitely seems like evidence of delusional thinking. I think a sheltered upbringing and susceptibility to modern cultural narratives has also played a part.

It might also be that I’ve clung on to the significance of those things for so long […]

Life is unbearably painful. I’m tired of feeling this way. Why am I pretending there’s a better world out there? There isn’t. I really believed in that message. The hope thing. I tried harder than ever. I felt kind of happy for a little bit. I can’t get over what happened in January. The things that were said. I’m in so much pain. And you know, I guess it’s true. I’m a loser. Garbage. This journey isn’t going anywhere. It’s going to feel like this for the rest of my life. There will never be friends. No social support. It will always be complete isolation. […]

Do you also find people cold hearted nowadays? Why or why not?