For general topics related to the site.
Is Sbilko still around? You said some good things, gave good advice, and I mostly just blew you off. I’m sorry man.
A day where they shove happy couples in our faces, as if we weren’t lonely and depressed enough already. -_-
People who are chronically depressed tend to stay chronically depressed till we die. We may have periods where it isn’t “so” bad, but it always comes back. It never goes away, and we are never “cured.” It’s like that song, “hello darkness, my old friend…”
One factor is definitely the Super Bowl, in my social circles it is a big deal and I just don’t care.
The one I want to deal with though, is harder to face. It’s surrounding a symptom I’ve been experiencing for the past few years. Sometimes, when I’m really upset, I shake uncontrollably. It’s not something I like people to know, it’s something I’ve kept as hidden as I can.
Today on social media there is a video making the rounds of a young lady shaking while driving. Every time I see it, I feel so alone and isolated. I can’t talk about my shaking with these […]
To not be as miserable, I think I need people in my life. Some are fine on their own, but I don’t think I’m one of them. I’m extremely introverted, but I still need people. I need to feel seen, to be known. I need some form of meaningful interaction with at least one other person on a daily basis. Otherwise, it’s like I don’t exist. I drift through life like a ghost. I don’t think it’s something I can think my way out of. I’ve spent decades trying to deny it, but I think it’s a fundamental psychological need.
This is a problem. Needing people […]
Everyone just says to go:
1- call a suicide hotline
2- talk to a therapist
People are always quick to say, there’s all these help out there, just make that call, talk to someone, etc. But I’ve done all that and NONE of it helped me. Occasionally it helps to vent sometimes (if it’s due to something that angered me), but otherwise, it feels so empty. Heck, it feels more empty than stuffing one’s face with food, bc at least you feel “good” for a tiny moment as you’re eating said junk food.
Not to mention that it takes having insurance, good insurance, or […]
Makes you wonder- is it us that is faulty, or is society sick, and depression/SH/loneliness/ despair, etc our response to this sick and broken society? Or I suppose, both.
“Is society healthy, that an individual should return to it? Has not society itself helped to make the individual unhealthy? Of course, the unhealthy must be made healthy, that goes without saying; but why should the individual adjust himself to an unhealthy society? If he is healthy, he will not be a part of it. […]
Fuck me up with a brick.
There has never been a Time in Human history where there has been basically an unlimited supply of Healthy Nutrition from across the Globe right down the street in a convient grocery store,
Super–Hyper–Ultra–Cool–Advanced–Technology right at Our finger tips and around You.
You literally have access to All the Knowledge of the world right in front of you, right now on your phone or computer,
More Human diversity and openness then ever before,
More people then ever to try out new relationships,
if you failed in one city, go homeless for 6 months and save up money to move somewhere else and use that time to work on yourself and […]
Hogwarts Legacy is a game I’d been anticipating for so long, and it’s finally here and it’s everything I thought it’d be and more.
In preparation, and to get myself into the world and characters, I watched the whole series this week. The story, the characters, it’s all really well done. It also helps avoid the books lol. I don’t hate reading but man, those books are a ***** for anyone who isn’t an avid reader…
I wound up in Gryffindor. I don’t consider myself brave per say, or all that courageous… if anything I figured I’d be more Ravenclaw in regards to valuing the bit […]
Earlier this week, wednesday, I went to a job fair, and it felt relatively good
the problem is that since then, I’ve been feeling more drained than usual. Even now, two days later, having had two decent nights of sleep, and some really strong coffee. I feel like I’m gasping. Like I just ran a mile. I’ve got a weird numbness in my dominant hand. I’m fully aware of things I could work on…. but I feel so very tired, short of breath.
It’s such a depressed feeling, being physically and emotionally drained to this point.
Earlier this week, I got a message from the non profit that’s […]
In short a hikikomori is someone who completely shuts themself out from society for months or years. They are based in Japan but let’s face it… hikikomoris are all over the world.
Watch a documentary sometime? many have suicided as well, but not all.
Anyway they give us insight into how awful society really is. Many live with their parents and they are financially supported by them, but if the parents die their child eventually dies too because the money runs out.
If society wasn’t so awful I guarantee there would be far less hikikomoris…
I’m still here. I don’t know why, but I’m still here. I often joked to myself that I wouldn’t last a month in graduate school. So far, I’m still here. Still have plenty of time to fail. Today I decided to do something stupid and not do any coursework today. No reading, no prepping for the essay due next Sunday, no nothing. Just do nothing. To be honest, there have been many days lately where I hardly did anything, so this isn’t much of a stretch. Doing nothing has me stressed, ironically. I’m always thinking […]
no matter the effort, no matter how hard I try…. it’s all the same. this soul crushing pain and loneliness… and just me existing… it doesnt matter. it would make more sense to just end everything now, instead of wasting years chasing something that probably doesnt exist – peace with oneself, hope of some sort, etc. I’m afraid to look back and see all my failed attempts of living this life than to see all the possible attempts to end it… I keep remembering my mom saying how this didnt matter because I’ve really never tried to kill myself. how bad I supposedly made her […]
Here to just touch base. Haven’t been here for a long time. Intruding thought that tell me to kill myself crop up.
Last time I posted on here I was hopeful about not having any urges to self harm. Unfortunately I have relapsed after 40 days clean, longer than I had gone in a very long time. My hopeful spell came from leaving a long term relationship and feeling those burdens be lifted but my relapse came from seeing an update in my ex’s life.
I will try not to let this relapse taint my recovery and continue to work on my own happiness and independence.
I only feel real when I cut myself. The real me is trapped inside somewhere, and I can only bring him out by hurting myself. The real me is lost, I’m somewhere in there in the blood.
Parasite, parasite, parasite
Sucks out your life, must hide from light
Spreads its blight, ends one life and torments their minds
Parasite, parasite, parasite from hell
Spreading its plague from where it once fell
Its mind and soul has become its cell
Parasite, parasite, parasite must die
Tie it to a stake to watch it burn and die
A human parasite must hide from light
Stay away, lest it spreads its blight
Lest it takes your life
Before that happens, it must burn and die
Kill it.