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I hold destruction in my hands, now if only they’ll shut up long enough for me to implement it
Lol I was so busy getting high I forgot to cut. Oh well there’s always later.
i continue to find myself in the same spot, trying to fight the impulse. the impulse to cut, to hit, to burn, to bruise- to destroy this vessel. this vessel that reminds me that i am nothing, that i will never amount to anything. i am useless. i am never the first choice. i am pitied. i am a puppet. i am alive so that my suffering may entertain those who induce it. i am worthless. i will never be worth anybody’s love. i will never be enough. i am nothing and i will always be nothing.
i am defined by my pain and i have […]
I am still alive, and feeling extremely awkward. For fifteen hours last Tuesday into early Wednesday, I sat with my g*n in hand, and couldn’t pull the trigger. I ended up at a local park with several cop cars there as they talked me down. I had to surrender my g*n to the police. Several posters commented on what I thought would be my final post, and I haven’t been able to post anything until today. Thank you for your comments….I don’t know what to say, other than I thought I was ready to die, but clearly I wasnt. Life is awkward and strange, and […]
people get pissed off if a SO were to say something like “im going to kill myself if…..” one would typically be right to be pissed about it. but what if it is the truth? what if that thing the person requires really would push them over the edge without it? well its not right to be mad at a person for hurting.
it creates a rather complex situation doesnt it….it makes my brain hurt…and basically forces the person to live in pain to save others
disclaimer; this is going to be a post where I talk about my personal faith journey. If you believe differently, it’s not for you. I fully support and advocate for your right to call me wrong, but I’m a little raw so if you have to, do it politely and respectfully. If this isn’t your thing, the back button is a very effective workaround.
I don’t know how many apostate Christians have this experience;
You wake up on a Sunday morning, and you’re feeling so blah about everything that you put a church service on the screen. Every song, every plea for donations through the meat and […]
Time is a heartless master in an entropy driven world. For those who are suffering, it drags and drags on, while for those living in pleasure, the clock can’t ever seem to slow down.
I wish people could fathom the pain I have endure everyday. The pain I have endured for well over a decade now, since I was only 10 years old and became fully aware of how cruel the world around me was. I was always told time heals all […]
and discovery is the mouth of a cave draped in vines, deep in the forest, untouched by anyone else.
I miss this feeling – Roaming aimlessly with a nervousness- and the abyss of feeling lost –
You always win something. You find something, and it’s gorgeous. The evergreen moss, the massive jaws drooling in the pouring rain. A chamber that breathes and echoes- a sweet reverberation. A hive you want to fill with candlelight and dark red wine. Still, it would feel empty- this imaginary place. The moss and woodwork are alive and on the outside – the thick flow of thriving life. Wood rots […]
I think I’ve run out of the capacity to feel. I feel so empty inside nowadays. I’ve quit some unhealthy habits in my life yet I still feel no different. I’ve lost my ambition; I complete my schoolwork more out of a lack of interest in anything else but I never really feel like I’m taking anything else in. I’ve stopped caring about my health and my relationships. I keep my head in sports and other hobbies but it all feels so half assed. I’ve started drinking heavily, my first time in while since I found other means of high. I don’t worry too much […]
To The Person That I Mirrored Myself
Despite the fact that I am fully aware of what is going on in your life, your inspirational and motivational messages captivated me. I admire your ways of dealing with life because I don’t. Four years ago, I was in your shoes. I am a goal-oriented person who is concerned with the future and success. I was a “church girl” who read scriptures always and prayed three times a day, till […]
I know this is a place to post about suicide attempts, but I’ve been feeling so down recently. I don’t know if anyone will see this or care and I’m fine with that. I’m not looking for pity or reassurance. I just wanted to post it so it’s not stuck in my head.
This year has undoubtedly been my hardest ever, as I’m sure it has been for a lot of people. I’m 16 at the time of posting this and I don’t know if sharing this will make any difference but I don’t really know what else to do. My life has become so […]
I wish troubled people could a doctor’s help carrying out suicide. Depression is kind of like a terminal illness. I think I will eventually kill myself, but instead of doing it with privacy and dignity I have shoot myself or jump off a building. I’m wondering if it’s possible to travel to the Netherlands for euthanasia.
My partner is aware that I cut and drink poppy milk and take other ppl’s meds and eat “bad” things (rancid meat, small objects, live bugs, little chunks of my thighs, etc). And when they find out they always shrug it off and either act like it’s normal or pointedly ignore it. They let me take care of them and fuss over their health and they’ll grumble about it sure but they never point out the blatant hypocrisy. They talk about my eating habits to their internet friends like it’s a funny party trick and sometimes I’m fine with that because at least they’re not […]
Meet suicide show
I am laughing tears in my eyes continuously smiling struggling to be alive I don’t want to be alive any more more . I am feeling myself very hollow inside me anything I do I think it’s wrong or is going to go wrong because it’s in my hand.I cannot feel anything I am just like a rock just like a vegetable.Aur I am feeling everything and that is making me mad making me crazy making me very eager to kill myself.
I am just tired of everything everything of my own mistakes wrongly taken decision yes I am a loser
nobody likes losers […]
I’m so not okay, I can’t feel anymore. This darkness inside of me is growing so rapidly that I can’t even control it anymore. I have nothing, nothing at all. Only the pain in my heart. Nobody even sees me anymore, I’ve become someone I don’t even know, I’m so fucking lost. I’ve tried to end it all twice and both times I woke up the next day, contemplating my life again. My heart feels heavy all the time, yet I’m numb to everything. I look at myself in the mirror, while I’m crying and I don’t see myself in my eyes anymore, I don’t […]
I close my eyes tonight
and gaze into the darkness
Death overcomes me and
I merge into emptiness forever
Lonely blissful solitude
Bereft of silly emotions
like love and sadness
and yearning and hate
Time stands still – of course
it was always just the illusive creation
of some human who had the hubris
to believe he controlled his fate
I’m nothing, life is nothing, in the end
Life doesn’t matter & neither do I
One star glowing in an infinite universe
has no power to make a difference
I close my eyes tonight
and fall into the darkness
One star dims to a black hole,
the universe goes […]
How do you achieve your dreams when they don’t make sense? How can the same person want two things that don’t correlate? You can have one but only at the expense of the other? This is a topic that a friend and I were just discussing, it made me realize that I can’t achieve my dreams without giving up on another dream, so basically I will always have some part of me that is disappointed no matter what I do.
Speaking of dreams, I had an odd dream last night, it is a dream I’ve had before but forgot about. Nothing exciting, at a museum in […]
It’s hard to keep living but killing myself is hard to do
i have no energy. i have given up. i do not deserve to be loved. i will never be loved by someone. i will never be in a safe situation. i will never be cherished. i will never be happy. i will never be unbound. i will never be kept around. i will never be anyone’s first priority. i will always be abandoned. i will always be pitied. i will always be the last choice. i will always be in pain. i will always be a puppet. i will always be worthless.