General

The only thing I fear more than life is death. Or more specifically, what might lie beyond. Things would have to be utterly terrifying here for that leap in the dark to seem preferable. It could easily get that bad, but until then I’m stuck. I’m suffering, and in pain, and I hate it. I’ll complain,  ***** and moan, struggling with myself, desperate looking for some way out. But I won’t actually do the one thing that would end it all. Not until my future in this world is so scary that death seems easier. Fear is everything in my life.

My current mental state has me on the verge of messaging the crisis text line again. I wonder what exactly I expect them to do. I can pour out my thoughts and feelings, but what is the solution to this debilitating condition? That’s rhetorical, I know all the answers and nothing has worked, so why bother.

If there is anything that might help me, maybe it’s meds or some real therapy, but those didn’t work in the past so I’m just being optimistic, and neither are easy enough access for me to care to figure out.

I want to die so badly but the world […]

Has anyone watched this movie? It’s on Netflix. I re-watched it 2 nights ago and it’s quite interesting. Would love to discuss this movie with people who have watched it (or will watch it). I definitely recommend it, especially since we’re all depressed and want to die. No this movie doesn’t have to do with depression- it’s the opposite actually.

So everyone is trapped in this room and it’s killing people off one at a time, every 2 minutes. It appears only ONE person can make it out alive, and they’re all clamoring to live. And trying to decide […]

When is It ever enough.

My choices in how I progress in education and job career are Concerning to others. “Lazy”? Having a Job is more than enough, paying my own bills is more than enough. An Average Joe I am, Hear me Roar! I save well with my earning’s yet I would agree with others My job is un-challenging and the pay isn’t great. But hey it keep’s me busy and that’s the whole point right? It keeps you sane.

I’m not one with risk taking. How I’ve gotten here was pure luck and being in do or die situations. Forced to change. To […]

I thought I wouldn’t be on here again. You may know me by a different username. It’s been 8 years. I thought I was healed, lifted from the darkness that consumed every ounce of light around me. When I used this site regularly, I thought there was no hope. So when I actually did get out of the hole, I felt so free. So happy. So full of light. I couldn’t believe it! Trust me when I do say, that it IS possible. It IS possible to get through whatever you’re going through. I’ve been there.
But no one will warn you of falling back […]

The last thing I heard before waking up crying. They’re right. Things were ok, not likely to get better, only worse. Had been running from monsters and disturbing structures all night. A beautiful dawn and a sense of silent peace. A good time to die, a dawn to end all nights.

Im scared but also excited to find sharper things to cut with. why am I scared? Maybe because im unsure of what damage sharper things will do. I wish i could stop thinking about it. but at the same time I dont want to stop doing it. although its not as bad as other people i guess.

This captures my current attitude… empty, and craving proper disposal

Still here at the homeless shelter with my kids. Its been hell on earth since jan 21. I dont get along with the other women here. I miss being treated like a decent human being and being apart of society. I havent recieved any mail since the 1st week of january. My dads sentencing is coming up. I only pray my son gets the justice he deserves for what my dad did to him. Still mad that hes in his nice cozy condo with all my things there, while me an the kids are stuck in a glorified prison. I miss my dogs!!! Friends are […]

i’m not sure if i should mention names or brands or anything, but i’m just asking to make sure this cocktail of drugs could be lethal.

9 cold and flu tablets , 20 paracetamol , around a bottle of cough syrup, a bottle of hand sanitizer and sleeping pills to make the process as painless as possible.

should i add anything else to the mix? i have anti bacterial medication and antidepressants, but i’m not sure if they’ll be effective.  i know that bleach disintegrates your insides and is extremely painful. a lot of people have said that overdosing isn’t effective, but i have to try. i’ve […]

It’s not surprising that it turned out like this. Her weakness always was that she took things too much at face value. Whether good or bad, she tended to trust the appearance of things. She had faith in people. And I idolized her because her innocent eyes allowed her to view me free of imperfection. It’s ironic that the very same thing that could have saved me, is the same thing that relegated me to this doomed situation. Ironic, perhaps, but not surprising.

This curse is killing me. I see no difference if I go to hell. I am already damned.

A large amount of my issues have to do with ADHD and the combined effects of that, depression and anxiety. That’s as external as I can get; nothing I did wired my brain chemistry like this. I still feel like I should be doing better. I lost my wallet, and there remains a rational island in my mind that says it doesn’t matter, but it’s breaking me slowly but surely.

This whole year so far has been the end stages of the bargaining and beginning of trying to accept. I don’t belong, never have and never will. I really need to find a way to stop […]

I am a Latino and I was sick and tired of hearing all my life “oh he’s such a good kid” all because I didn’t smoke,drink,did drugs or hang out in the streets. It’s like these people expect you to be bad and if you’re not, then you are a weird, square lame guy, what a crazy bunch of people smh

I’m a reader. I read more on this site than write. When I’m feeling suicidal, I like to read other people’s posts. For some reason. It makes me feel… I don’t know, a thrill? Like I’m screaming alone and I come here to hear other people scream. Yes, that must be it. Feels a bit like madness.

My favorite are the posts by people who have it real bad, you know, like tinnitus or chronic pain. They have something real. Something that can never be fixed. No amount of pills or therapy or moving across country or fantasizing will make it go away. I read their […]

How interesting is it that LIVE spelled backwards is EVIL