General

I’m pretty sure it’s getting to the point that I’m taking severe physiological damage from the lack of sex, affection, or human interaction. How am I supposed to go outside when people can hear my thoughts. I can’t go to school, get a job. Let alone have sex. Imagine that doozy. Imagine trying to do it with someone while they’re screaming about god knows what in your ear without even knowing it. Eh fuck it it’s not like any of you understand or care. Who am I talking to? Basically no one. I’m screaming into the void. Invalidating myself more and more with every word. […]

Don’t say anything, just drown in the pain.
No one understands.
That’s fine, just drown in the pain.
Don’t say a word, just breathe silently.
Just suck it all in and hold it there, don’t want to hurt anyone.
Still in pain, still can’t breath?
Here, just take the blade.
Don’t forget to cover up. Don’t let anyone see it.
You’re crying. Wash your face. No one can know.
These emotions, they’re affecting you. Bury them underneath.
No one can know. No one is supposed to know.
Just drown in the pain.
What you feel doesn’t matter.
That’s not what you’re supposed to look like.

I’ve gotten to a point were My progress in life has reached its peak. I’m 25 years old. My education is much below average/mediocre and lost all Confidence to attempt learning anymore. Stuck making 18,000 a year at a job that I hoped would keep my away from noticing, who I am. Just reminds me I couldn’t live even paying for myself in a much below average class.

I’m bored.. lost at sea with no sail. Drifting in no direction. I’m a pushover and get taken advantage  by good people.

I dont enjoy sleep like I use to.. because I know I’ll have a high chance of […]

I thought I was doing everything right.
In 2006 I was honorably discharged from the navy. I didn’t collect unemployment as I was sure to be employed quickly, I was correct. In the service I was an engineer which translated to many types of jobs in the private sector.
I had a wife and a 4 year old son.
Well, by 2007 I learned my wife was mostly single while I was deployed which cramped her style […]

I remember one the biggest things I was worried about in my senior year of high school was the fact that in college I would be moving into an empty apartment. I remember writing a post about how I hated my 18th birthday because of it. Now here I am. In an empty apartment. My first year of college I had to stay in the dorm and I had to get one with a roommate. I wasn’t super fond of the guy, but I didn’t hate him either. It was just a pain when he snored and when I […]

In winter, this grass has been very green. It’s been spring for a few weeks now. How can I make this look better quick?????? I’ve been browsing online for help but I seriously don’t know what to do.
I can’t afford to returf!!!!
Can anyone calm me down or tell me what to do, all I seem to think of is this grass over and over again (Ps most of the grass around the neighbourhood has brown patches as well)
Can I die already, don’t want to be evicted over this grass problem…
I’m watering it more and I put down some grass seeds now […]

especially 2 of them

I’ve recently come across the knowledge of medication assisted suicide, ******** pills to be specific. I’m having a hard time finding a legit source though. I appreciate any help in pointing me the right way. I simply can’t be here any longer. The ex wife abused me to the point of suicide. Now she is alienating me from my own daughter. I simply can’t do this anymore.

ITS GETTING HARDER TO BREATHE AGAIN!! I THOUGHT I WAS DOING OKAY BUT GUESS NOT..

I have never understood why suicide is a bad thing. There are times – so many times – that is makes sense. My mom died from ALS and believe me, she would have been better off ending her life. Not that I wanted her to die. God, I miss her so much. No one should have to live a life they do not want. This is my opinion. Of course I am not suggesting others should feel this way, but I do. And I want to die. It’s not just a matter of not wanting to live. I genuinely want to die.

Suicide makes sense now […]

It’s been a while since I’ve seen him around here. Has anyone talked to him?

I’m tired of hearing this. Shut up!!!! All I do is make everything worse

Lelouch vi Britannia once said “When there is evil in this world that justice cannot defeat. Would you taint your hands with evil to defeat evil? Or would you remain steadfast and righteous even if it means surrendering to evil? To defeat evil, I shall become an even greater evil.”

My friends may have though I could defeat my mental illness with sheer force of will. While we know that’s impossible, I don’t think they were wrong about everything, and I don’t look down on them for being wrong. C. talked a lot about that quote, “Those who do battle with monsters must […]

I don’t really have any real reason to be posting right now. I just felt like emptying out my head a little bit. This past week has been rough. I scrambled to get an assignment due on time, I keep getting awful grades on these dumb quizzes every class time. I found out all my reports have been getting low grades. Everything just seems to be sliding in a poor direction. I’m not particularly upset about it, because I don’t really have the right to be upset. I gave a shitty effort and got back shitty results. […]

Not suicide related

My garden looks like shit. It’s spring here. I’m in a rental. I’ve emailed the landlord about it. There’s a bunch of dead and dormant patches of grass. It has barely rained for weeks. Well sorry I just wanted a roof over mine and mum’s head. I didn’t really give a damn about the garden. Now we’ll prob be evicted over it. Or made to buy new turf. I don’t have enough to buy new turf. This garden is a source of misery for me.
I get a guy to mow the lawn every 3-4 weeks, one part of the lawn is scalped […]

When I was little we would go out to the lake on my grandparents boat. When even just a little bit of water would puddle in the bottom my brother and I would start panicking that it was sinking and the adults would laugh and tell us not to worry. One day, the boat was parked at the dock and to no ones knowledge the waves were hitting it wrong. The adults asked us to go check on it, this time there was more than a little water in it and we ran to tell them it was sinking. The adults didn’t believe us to […]

Just by living… People hurt others, without even realizing it. So long as humanity exists, hate will also exist. There is no peace in this cursed world. War is just a crime paid for by the pain of the defeated…

Even innocent foolish children will grow up in the face of pain, until their thought and beliefs are the same as their doubts.

Do you understand pain a little now? If you don’t share someone’s pain, you can never understand them. But just because you understand them doesn’t mean you can come to an agreement. That’s the truth.

Things always happen without warning and the reason becomes apparent […]

Does anyone else here have constant imaginary conversations with people in their heads?