General

Angry gets shit done.

That’s my new motto.

Exit, and devastate those I care about. Somehow overcome the fear of death. Face the possibility of some worse punishment beyond.

Or try to find some way to stick around for another 20+ years, as my body continues to deteriorate, and the pain grows. Find some way to survive in a world I don’t want to be in. Endure the constant anxiety and exhaustion, as contentment becomes an ever more distant memory.

This is a recipe for depression. There is no hope. Things are bad, and they will get worse.

All you can hope to do is limit the suffering along the way. But your suffering, or the […]

Nobody knows the shit I’ve done to myself nobody will see nobody will come nobody will know anything there’s something inside me pull me out of my skin I want to die I want to die I can’t hear anything I can’t remember anything I can’t I hate myself I hate myself I hate I hate I hate I hate I wanted to say something nobody cares nobody in the world will accept me I can’t go anywhere the world has abandoned me and I just have to make it on my own over and over again my head is fucked I’ve gone […]

Why am I me, me? Why are you, you? Why is my life the way it is like it’s a predestined path? Why is yours the way it is? Why do I feel stuck regarding some things and I don’t have people in my life who understand and see things as I do?

not sure what is life enymore about…

I am not sure should I WRIGHT ENYTING
I am just fedd up of all and idk why keep going ehn could end

Sometimes I wish you could be me so you can take all the pain away.

Still doing no better than before and now actually worse, I truly want to give up on life more than ever before. Covid19, Rioting, Looting, Vandalism, Murders, Children being raped while their rapists go free to commit the same crimes but all I see is arguing over who’s right and nothing is being done. I am still alone and I’m still the same fuckup I have always been. I was bullied physically always getting my ass kicked growing up. Those that went to school with me made fun of me or shunned me since I was different. Failed relationships with women who cheat and lied […]

Not suicide related

Wouldn’t I only hope? Oh, wouldn’t I only hope? I don’t want to participate in this world. I don’t want to be part of it. I need new friends, I just sadly don’t really want any, nor do I want to spread my blight and misery to anyone else. I wonder why my ex still bothers to live, he quite clearly doesn’t like life and people don’t really want much to do with him. I can only say that he’s made himself lonely. He didn’t have to throw those friends away who disagreed with him on ‘coronavirus’. He didn’t have to throw away […]

Why is everything always a complicated disaster everywhere?

Currently homeless, my pos gf had her pos mom call the cops on me. I got court Oct 6 for domestic. I forgiven her 3 times for getting in trouble. Should of left the first time. Im fighting everyday to live and not having to struggle but i have too. Been wearing the sames clothes for like 4 days now. I have family i can visit but cant stay. I have a job orientation Tuesday to get myself out of this mess. You cant trust anybody. Get tf out of that toxic relationship even if you love them. Theyre gonna f you over and maybe […]

i have a perfect plan. a plan so perfect i’m convinced the universe is telling me to do it. that my life will be worth more when i’m dead. that my sacred duty is to take my own life. nothing around me tells me otherwise. nothing is enough to hold me down. not anymore. to only thing left to do is release attachments, and make peace with death. then i’ll be free.

I somehow need to overcome this impasse in myself. To either decisively end things, or to fully commit to survival. My current approach is the worst of all worlds – failing to function, exposing myself to ever greater pain and suffering.

My emotions are in a terrible state. They refuse to accept the reality I live in. But they also won’t accept leaving it once and for all.

They don’t tell me things. But my dad got pneumonia and he’s in the hospital. Before he agreed to be brought to the hospital he looked like he’s dying and his symptoms are similar to symptoms of covid. The chances of him having it is high.

I’m surprised at me for not caring at all. He might die but he’s just like that random relative I see in birthday parties.

They don’t tell me. But if he really got covid the possibility of me getting it is also high since my mom and I took turns caring for him. I have untreated thyroid issues and […]

I miss sadness. Sometimes I think I might be addicted to the Idea of it. That feeling of being so internally dead, that nothing matters anymore. You no longer care what others think of you, they’re irrelevant. You no longer feel material attached to things. The constant thoughts about life and existence. 

Sadness has another side to it though of course. The constant emotional pain that physically aches, the sudden panic attacks that arise late at night, the hated of seeing how happy and carefree everyone seems around you. 

Being addicted to sadness almost feels like a Stockholm syndrome. I always feel more at home when I’m […]

I was an accident. A daughter that was never planned. Why did they go through it? Why didn’t they just abort me when they’ll never treat me equally? Why disturb the unborn?

I am so fuckin tired and sick of this life, I wonder will it ever change