General

Largely, the posts here are of an intimate and personal nature. I have that. I have micro issues that wrought anguish, yes. But it’s the world, the macro, that really zings me. Take the oil gusher in the Gulf Mexico. I am not schizophrenic, but when I think of all those sea turtles and birds nesting (this is the peak of their nesting season, right now, surround by oil and chemical dispersements) I get sick to my stomach. The good ol’ boy network, BP is the 4th largest corporation in the world. Something like this in China happens […]

This  life isn’t mine is it? I feel so unaccomplished, and unloved. I am tired of doing for everyone else. Always being the hand someone needs but never getting anything in return. I have felt this way so many times throughout my 28 years of life.

This episodes trigger… 

Recently my husband of 7 years and i were reunited after a 17 month seperation due to issues not in our control. I thought things would be great. I had done so much in the time we were apart. I worked hard to help support him, to make sure everything with the govenrnment was done right and on […]

Basically, I’ve been suicidal since I was about seven years old. All in all that’s not as long as it seems, seeing as I’m only turning thirteen on Monday. Maybe it is a sort of long time, six years… yeah. Anyway, it all started when I found out my dad was a drug addict. He had been addicted since before I was even born, and it hurt that nobody had the nerve to tell me before. They all had lied to me about where he was when he went to the… I want to say eight rehabs he’d been to, where he was when he […]

Over the past week or so I have left a comment or two on these forums as well as a post of my own about 10 days ago. This is not my first time using this website, I have posted in the past but I have always avoided becoming an active participant in the Suicide Project community. Lately though I have been thinking a lot about the idea of suicide, and reading the posts of others on this site has given me some new perspectives and ideas to reflect upon. Ultimately, I hope to find others on this site who share my views on life, […]

It’s such a stupid reason to become suicidal over your appearance, isn’t it?…

I keep writing this over and over but yet again if anyone feels the way all you feel its def. me! if anyone knows that suicide is a blessing and would be amazing if it could just happen and w/e it would be me but the only thing i hate is to ever see anyone hurting the way i do thats why im here i wanna do it so bad but just haven’t yet but i do want to, but i believe if we all stick together we all understand each other so we can make it through this we just need to all stick […]

Is there a certain point where it becomes acceptable to end one’s own life?
I’m a severe alcoholic, I recently blew about five months of sobriety by drinking again. It didn’t turn out well. I smashed my windshield and got my third owi. I’ll get up to a year in jail, fines and lose my license for that. The thing with drinking is once I start, I’m powerless to stop, and I do crazy things.
I live in Wisconsin, somehow I ended up in California. I’m not sure why I even came out here, but I’m too broke to get […]

I’m in the process of taking painkillers that I’m chasing with vodka/rum. I’ve wanted to do this for as long as I can remember. I’ve wanted to die for so long. I waited and prayed for God to kill me but he never did so now I’m going to do it my way now.

Its funny. My life could be a lot worse. I made the cheerleading squad at the college I’m transferring to. Something I wanted really bad and worked really really hard for. I got a good internship for this summer that not only will pay well but will look good on my resume […]

For well over a year i’ve been trying to kill myself. and ive concluded i either suck horribly at suicide, or im not spossed to die.

It started when my baby died. I got one of my friends pregnant, and she knew i wanted a kid really badly, and she lied to me about even being pregnant, and got an abortion on top of it all… she didnt even have the guts to tell me.. her best friend told me and gave me proof…

Then i gave up everything for someone.. spent seven months with a girl, and was 200% dedicated, i gave up more […]

i’ve never been so angry… i was the one bringing her down.. until i started to really care. i wanted things to work like she wanted them. i realized that i really love her. and then this fucking bullshit happen.. we fought. we broke up. i was sad that she was gone, but still she was scared of me. then i find out she fucked him.. and it devastates me.. i’ve never been so messed up in the mind. idk what to think. my heart is gone, my feelings with it. only two stay behind. to make things worse.. anger consumes me. i get so fucking mad […]

I can’t remember the las time I hadn’t cried myself to sleep. I feel pain, a painful deep stab in my heart. I don’t understand why. I wish we had suicide help lines here. I even tried calling one of the help lines at the US, but they hung up when I said I wasn’t from there. I really don’t know what to do. The only thing stopping me from doing anything is my family. My family is very important to me, I love them very much. They haven’t done anything to deserve the pain that would result from me killing myself. I’m a disappointment […]

Why would God allow people to suffer so much without any glimmer of hope? It seems cruel.

I’d like to make it all stop, even though i know its not the right thing. I wouldn’t have to guts to do it, i wouldn’t be that stupid becuase i know it’s not the right thing for me. There is so much more out there. But i dont feel like going on with what i’m doing in my life. I at some point want to die, and want to disappear. I don’t give a shit about many of the people who seems to care for me, and i’m so tired of it all. I wanna go, but i dont want the action to take […]

At the age of 19, in November of 2008, I hung myself and lived.  There are wooden dowels caddy-cornered in my room.  I tied a towel around one and put my head through until I passed out.  When I woke up, my head was still hung in such a way that I shouldn’t have.

I was involuntarily baker-acted.  For about a year I was on Lexapro.  Now, I’m on a drug called Pristiq.  I take vitamin B12 on top of that.

Still, I am seeing a psychiatrist.  It doesn’t help.  I have nightmares every single night and no one really cares about them, but to me they feel […]

So i got a new boyfriend and i love him alot. I kissed him good luck as he got ready for his band preformance im just scared that the girl i got in a fight will ruin it because i wont be her friend anymore. Since i blocked her from everything. But she was littarly killing me with every punch i took every time i got beat up and everything she said just got me closer to the feeling of death i just want to be happy to make a recovery from my depression i just dont think this girl is gonna let me do […]

I never thought I would want to remember this year.

So many bad things have happened to me this year that I just don’t want too ever look back on; my suicide attempt, my lack of firends, my parents divorce, my dog dying, people at school treating me like a complete freak, and now my best friend Drake is graduating and leaving me in the dust that still remains in high school.

But you know what, I want to remember, because of him.

Drake and I haven’t been friends for very long, but it feels like I’ve known him forever. We have done everything together this school year, […]