General

what to even say.  i’m waiting on medical equipment that helps me sleep, this is the longest i’ve gone without it in 11 years.  everything is just worse.  i feel awful. physically uncomfortable, emotionally stagnant and lonely.  unlovable and monstrous.  anxious and depressed. paranoid and volatile. my brain keeps trying to sabotage the good things that are happening in my life, namely my days with my girlfriend, and my upcoming trip to see her.  she loves me, and does her best to make me feel loved, but my brain has been trying to convince me that she doesn’t like me really- and i feel so […]

I cried tonight, for the first time in a very long, long time. I cried because for once, in forever, I felt that I was welcomed into a community. I wish to thank WaitLonger, Jack, Teresa’s Child and Yoges for welcoming me into this community on such short notice. I didn’t realize just how much I felt alone until I read your welcoming words. For any of you reading these words, please know that your words, your meanings , and your intentions mean a great deal, within and outside of SP.

I use to. Now i just want to sleep.

I really am just shooting the shit at this point. No matter what ambitions, goals or dreams I have had, I never do shit to make them reality. I’ll do the slightest bit of work towards them then fall off for weeks at a time. I don’t deserve shit.

We were born into this world crying. We were stripped of our comfort and painfully thrown into an unknown and scary place. This world is inherently painful. We will leave it causing pain to others, contributing to the very suffering that loomed over us.

It is a mindless cycle of pain. There is nothing that anyone can do. Try and ignore the pain if you want, but that won’t mean that it will stop existing for you, or for everyone else. It won’t mean that babies will be born joyful and the dying would radiate happiness. It won’t change reality.

I have none.

Everything is a part of the Universe. You are. Unfortunately I am as well. I am the part of the Universe that hates itself. I hate. That is me at my core, it’s what I am.

I genuinely hate everything. I hate you. I can’t say that it’s not personal. It is. I hate you in every possible way, because you’re a human, because you’re a part of society, because you exist in this Universe. I hate everything that exists. This is just what my function is. This isn’t a choice for me, but if it was, this is what I will choose.

These are not just […]

Life is so full. Full of things and actions and questions and answers and life and color and music and beautiful beautiful things and people. But there are also ugly things. It was all fun and games until my imbalanced brain woke up and realized it could think. All downhill from there. There is still the beauty I long to experience. Each unique wave on each shore, the sunrise and sunset, sun showers and rainstorms and deafening thunder and blitzing lightning. Things growing, things dying. New life and old life watching the color infuse each day. New creatures and old, flying and digging and climbing […]

I’m so god damn lonely, a pretty girl could say the slightest compliment and I would fall head over heels. The next day, they would treat me like a sack of shit and it would break my heart and shatter my self esteem. I’m so fragile its pathetic. It’s not just for girls though. I could meet a new friend, and it seemed like they really understood me and for a few weeks, it feels like I’m not alone. Turns out the feelings weren’t mutual and they cast you aside, and all of a sudden we’re strangers again.

Does anyone have any tips on how to […]

What will be left after the phsical body. Your thoughts you soul. Why should I be scared of dying wheb death is the beginning of another life. You feel I feel it we all feel it. I have been on esrth enough and im sick of it tuly. Im not mad sad or happy. I am ready to go home. I have had enough of the rude its time to find a new ride if this was a choice to live this life I have now I must have forgotten ehy I ask god to give it to me so I just want to go […]

Some people are cold, others more fiery, some are neutral. Some don’t really care about others. Some have more energy. Some are mean, others are a little better. Some are selfish, some care about others, or other lifeforms and things. People act in a more machine like way instead of being more humane, more life like.

Whether you’re moving from city to city, town to town, from one job to the next and from daydream to daydream, I imagine that many of us feel lost.

This is my first post (albeit I’ve been lurking for a couple of years now) and I thought I would try and connect with this thoughtful and supportive community.

My name is Grey (alias), I live on Vancouver Island, and I am a survivor of many, many years of chronic depression. I have had 4 episodes of major suicidal depression during those countless years, with 2 occurring in the last 3 years. I am also a survivor of […]

I’ve been fighting with depression for 5 years now, and I can’t honestly say when was the last time I thought “Jeez, life is good” or “Damn I love life”. I have considered suicide countless times, nearly on a daily basis, and have gotten close to doing it a couple times.

However I’m not just here to mope as usual, I want to change my life for the better. I’ve been in a shitty state of mind for way too long now, and I just want to be happy. I have done lots of research on how to get better, but I don’t think there’s a […]

You should comment some of your current thoughts

I have realized that this entire time I have been feeling “happy” I have just been wearing a mask. A mask that has done it’s job so well it even convinced me. And it is so-fucking-exhausting! The past, maybe, two years I have successfully convinced myself and those around me that I am happy, I am confident, I don’t let things get to me, and that I am a fun guy. Truth is I fucking hate myself and I am ridiculously lonely. It is exhausting because I have created this expectation for myself and when I can’t meet them I am “being weird.” And I […]