General

I feel this way all thr damn time! I’m sicken tired of having to use the booze to calm down. I’m so damn scared all the time. I don’t think i can ever heal. The pills don’t fucking work! I need the harder stuff thats actually legal like Xanax. My situation is so bad because I get all tense and people think I’m pissed at the world due to my facial muscles. When I’m super nervous my face gets tense too and so i end up looking like im mad….but im not. I hate my body for this but if my mind could simply stop […]

Should i try to reconnect?

i always came second to her, while i put her first. she stabbed me in the back. she told everyone to not tell me. and she herself didnt even break it gently to me. she just sat on his lap.

im still hurt by everything shes done and i know i always be. weve grown apart by now. i see no reason to bother. now its just a candle thats time to let burn out.

I wonder if just ignore the problem is always the best way to deal with it. One person told me something that sounded almost like that. If you happen to live through an unpleasant experience, even if you got hurt by someone else,  shouldn’t be the best thing to do just ignore that person that hurt you, not play by his or her game? Yeah, but only in a fantasy world that would really work. So I am supposed to ignore the fact that I am being hurt, am I supposed to ignore the fact that person X is actually hurting me? So if i […]

(I’m complaining again…)
I seriously just hate life. And as I said, I shouldn’t hate life!!!! It’s pathetic! There’s no meaning, there’s nothing. Nothing at all. It’s horrible. My boyfriend is going to be my only hope now… I know this is pathetic too, I shouldn’t rely on him… I don’t know how he keeps going. At least he is smart. I’m not. I just wish I was. I should be sleeping its 12:37am at the time of writing this, but I’ve spent too much on a world of warcraft private server and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for wasting so much […]

It’s been a while. 6 years in fact.

Everyone I knew off here is either dead or doesn’t want to know me anymore. Except maybe one girl who doesn’t speak to me often. I knew a lot of people here. I even found the person I loved on here, Amy. Then she broke my heart, and I found out the hard way that I was never to love anyone the same again, and that love cannot endure a passion for suicide attempts. Also, the first person who I could talk to about myself I met on here, Charlie, who was everything to me, all that’s left […]

Hey everyone ?
I cannot believe it is 2019! Well yes, I can  believe it but I made my profile on here back in 2012. It’s been freaking seven years! How am I doing you may want to know?! Ive been better, I’ve been worse. I’m 26 now, still working at the same job (I know, I won’t leave lol), no kids, recently moved back home to my moms after getting out of a seriously mentally abusive relationship for a year and a half, and about to attend nursing school soon. Life has been okay. But lately it’s been getting super tough because mom isn’t […]

ok i just ended another conversation by saying something completely unneeded and making it awkward, then i tried to apologize for doing that i did

then i realized its going to make everything worse yay

i’m scared to see what they’ll respond

I’ve been so strong

For far too long
Now just a shell
Of my former self

My identity is lost
Been in such a fog
My hope has shattered
My soul’s been battered

Life’s been too much to bear
About my family, I do care
But for me, believe me
I give up, it’s not easy

I’m all empty inside
No longer want to hide
I’m done starting over
I’m done being bolder

Don’t judge me by this weakness
My isolation, recent meekness
Don’t blame it on you
I decided I’m through

The good times we had
Remember it wasn’t all bad
Parks, fairs, museums, walks
Hugs, kisses, and many talks

My […]

Nothing feels real anymore. I keep having to remind myself that this isn’t all a “dream”. Have I finally lost it? How much farther down this path do I have to travel before I lose all sense of sanity? The hallucinations. Horrifying. My brain…..the best way to explain it…it shuts off. Just stops consciously working. I lose track of what I’m doing. Have conversations I’m not 100% I actually had. I keep looking at my husband and asking “did i just say something to you?” and i get a strange look and the answer is typically yes. I just…don’t feel mentally here any more. I […]

I’m hiding my real self from my boyfriend more and more often. I don’t want him to know that I’ve been laying in bed alot again (barring the time I went overseas). I don’t want him to find out how boring and pathetic my life is. I know he wants to see myself occupying myself with things to do. Well, I should open my eyes. If I have to pretend, then I guess he isn’t really right for me and he doesn’t understand me. I mean, why else would I pretend?

I foresee this falling apart in the future. He’s judgemental and a hypocrite to […]

i mentioned it as a joke, my family said if i ever do that to myself they will go with me.

it hurts too much and i can’t stay, i can’t leave either, i’m fucking trapped.

Sorry about the mistakes, english is not my first language
I write For those who souffer any kind of pain ( poverty, unemployement, abuse, loss, …) and tried or will try commite suicide i want to say this
Been born to a middle class family (probably) i had many problems, abuse, bullying, poverty, weakness, low grades, unemployement every now and then beside continues suicidal thoughts
It was terrible at the begining been everybody’s fool been a joke and everyone laught at you or crticise you but over time i get used to it, i even get smarter and stronguer, i accept my self with my […]

Anyone can be a ‘creep’, it doesn’t matter what their appearance is, yes even the ‘handsome’ guy can be a total creep too… its just that people are probably less likely to believe such a guy could be a creep (thank society and their stereotypes).

The ‘attractive’ woman can also be a creep.

But instead, we tend to solely deem ‘old men’ and ‘fat and ugly guys’ and ‘ugly guy with acne’ or a guy who just somehow ‘looks like a creep’… as creeps…

I’ve never really been sure as to how someone can just ‘look like a creep’… can you really, truly tell that someone is a […]

I’m so miserable… I shouldn’t be…
I don’t think I’ll ever be happy… what is that anyway?
Why am I so pathetic?
I make endless mistakes, I’m just hopeless. I know there’s something wrong with me and there always will be.
If I was a ‘fat and ugly’ guy I’d never have any kind of relationship, nobody would ever want me.
Guys, don’t go on holidays, they won’t make you feel better, and if I have to tell you, if it makes you feel better, its only temporary… you are better off finding something that will make you feel better in the long run….
Having […]

I first became suicidal shortly after graduating high school which was 5 years ago. At the time i had the brilliant idea of pushing away friendd and family so that it’ll be easier for me to end my life. I found out that wasnt the case. The more i tried to push my mom away the closer she got. Its like she knew that i was planning on ending it. Thats back then when i was 17, now im 23, 6 years has passed, in those 6 years there was alot substance abuse alot of going to the pyschward, at time spending months. I was […]

The fear of an afterlife.  Or in other words a hell.  It’s the only reason I’m alive today.  I’m agnostic.  I’m not sure if spirituality is real or not.  I hate being alive.  I wish I had proof that spirituality is or isnt real.  I cant be the only one.  That is all.

I have a bunch of them, One thing about dreams the imagination comes up with a perfect scenario of what you would like! Then reality sets in, you just can’t snap your fingers and make your dreams come true. The effort, the time, the struggle, all the things you must do to make your dreams come true are overwhelming, then if they require cooperation from other’s your really screwed.

My dreams these days are simple and obtainable but still require a lot of work. I always bite off more than I can chew but not so much that I can’t spit it out if I want […]