General

Hello again,
I feel so confused. My mind races constantly trying to figure where it ought to stop. The memories keep chasing me, I can’t stop to rest. If I do they’ll catch up to me. Lord please help me right now, cause without I just might fail.
My heart beats but not just for me
I need to keep trying cause if I don’t they’ll look back and know Ive failed
Even now I owe them the fortune of forgiveness
Don’t I?
I owe them my very begin because collective consciousness decided this is the life for me
I disgrace to everyone and I […]

“she finally got her happy ending

she is finally happy now

even though she is lying on the floor

without her heartbeat

there is some place, where she is happy now”

i wish i could finally get my happy ending like this.

i heard this dialogue in a movie that in Solomon Islands when the villagers wish to cut down a tree but it seems too big to be chopped off, they circle it and curse at it, and in a few days the tree whiters down and dies on its own.

i think parents don’t actually know that they are doing this, well at least mine don’t because they do it every day and tbh more like every hour. when I say it to their faces that I wish to do nothing else but die they start to fucking scream at me that I don’t know what […]

I don’t generally go in for making New Years resolutions, most of them sound kind of lame; lose weight, eat better, exercise…. January is a horrible time to do all of those, and if you need to do them you probably need to start as soon as you realize it.

But I got one this year, and it’s because I happen to be making changes at the same time as the new year rolls around. I’ve resolved to make more progress than I’ve made in the last few years to get out of this awful town. It’s different this time because I have a plan, a […]

It’s still 4 hours to midnight where I’m at. Last year, my resolution was to make a new friend. Great luck I’ve had with that (not). Maybe my resolution for 2024 should be to get more confidence, and either make a friend, or do what I should’ve done a long time ago. Or maybe 2024 will finally be “my year”…

Just like every New Month, New Week, & New Day

Mathematically speaking, there’s at least 50% chance that every bit of that Potential is positive

I say it’s more than worthwhile to give each & every one of those ‘bits’ a strong determined try

I do genuinely hope Everyone here survives the Fireworks! : )

I wish You all a Happy Delightful [& at the very very least, less painful] New Year

Warmest Wishes for a Happy 2024 to Each & Every One of You here

& to the whole Earth <3

One of these days I’m going to eat the slug. I was always a miserable self-destructive pos. Tried to get my life together and got fucked up badly with injuries and illness. Now im in chronic pain. Fortunately i got about what i deserve so im not crying about that. Just dont want to go through life being useless anymore. My body is wrecked. My mind is rotted. No point in living if you cant contribute or bring value to others. People around me say im one of the most negative people they know; and admittedly i dont like anybody. I Dont like my family. […]

I feel like dying. I wonder if it’s more serious this time.

Where have I been the last couple of days, you (do not) ask? 

This is not a threat, this is a statement. I have been successfully pushed over the brink/the edge. 

At the same time, I’m fucking insane. My suicide is an attempt to make others feel pain. I have been wronged, but I could have read the room and set realistic expectations for myself/I could have never developed the expectations I had in the first place/I could have done my level best to adapt to my environment.

My suicide is essentially me telling life it doesn’t deserve me. I said something similar a while ago, that “this […]

I think the biggest struggle for me is getting myself to do anything beyond the bare minimum. All the tiny little things that might make my life a bit less shitty. I do so few of them. Because why push myself to improve things a small amount, if they’re still going to suck?

Ever since I broke my sense of meaning by deviating so far from morality, I’ve been in this perpetual state of lethargy. 16 years now. Pretty much my entire adulthood. I wake up, and try to force myself out of bed. Remind myself of all the things I should be doing, why I’m […]

hate, hate, hate…hate, hate, hate…
double hate
loathe entirely!

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Fs5hZIQ6RQc
~10s

I was in the store in pursuance of wood varnish spray. Unfortunately I couldn’t find it so I engaged the female clerk who looked foreign, ” Hi, Im looking for the wood varnish spray” I said. ” What spray?” Said the foreign clerk. One has to stick to his own kind, ppl outside of the Anglosphere tend to be different, when English is not the first language communication problems tend to ensue. ” the wood varnish spray” I said. ” I don’t know wood varnish spray” she said. A girl in her 20’s a fellow shopper got involved, “What was that? The wood varnish spray? […]

I may have found another path that I can do without the danger of relocating, but I have to wonder if I’m being brave or stupid.

The whole finding the job in my dream location has gotten me back on the social work path. There frankly aren’t a lot of options for someone with a psychology degree who doesn’t want to live in the city. Not that the city is working so well either, but cities in general are getting expensive. It’s why this move is the smart financial decision, that is the move out of state and outside of major metro areas. The social work […]

Why “life is so wonderful”?
Wonderful for WHO?

Just bc YOU have a great life doesn’t mean life is great or wonderful for someone else.

People just can’t see anything beyond themselves.
Selfish idiots.

(btw, this is post is about OTHER ppl constantly telling me how “life is so wonderful” whenever I tell them how depressed I am or how hard my life is. they always exclaim how wonderful life is, and I’m like, yeah, for who, YOU?)

It’s all fucked up.

I had the strength to look at a job listing today. It’s hard for a lot of people to understand, but this is more optimism than I’ve felt in a long time. I haven’t worked for a year. The thing about it is that even though I’m qualified, it is a reach, most jobs that would interest me are. I’m sick of building up my career with low level jobs. For perspective my field is public health, mental health, especially involving children. I’m looking at going back to social work, A; because I think I’m good at it, B; because it’s one of the few […]

Forbidden toy, I guess :/

Where are the people with love in their hearts, empathy, understanding for others?
Where are the people who jump into action when others are in need?

Hi well I thought I’d come back and say hi, I’m afraid I’m in a world of hurt, I’ve been bed ridden for the last six months.

Not exactually sure what’s wrong with me but I have a good idea, it’s my spine, I did something to it that left me in agonizing pain, not joking the pain is so bad I wish I were dead. Nobody can live with pain like this! I can’t move I lay flat on my back day after day, wanting to go to the ER wanting to die, never knew what pain was till this happened. The doctors won’t give […]