I did this, you can too.
Its weird to say I’m 24 and a virgin have not had a actually serious boyfriend and only got 2 kisses in my life. maybe because I have falling in love with people who never loved me. or maybe it when I started to feel I liked girls or maybe when I realize that I was never happen in my life why I don’t know I ask that myself and a thousand times to God but mmm well as a said before sometimes you don’t get all the answer you live until you die and ask GOD why
This is my first time writing here and also writing about this so openly. I don’t know where do I start, but I do know when will all of this ends, very soon actually. I’m on the edge now which isn’t so very surprising considering there are about millions who are like me too, some, worse than me. It saddens me that I’m just one of those millions who suffer like this, that I’m only a part of some statistics scientists conduct every year. That I’ll never be someone, I’ll just be a part of something bigger. And soon, no one will remember that I […]
I am here. Simply as it is that. For few months, I was thinking that nothing is truly last. I lost someone, a good friend who I care and love very much. The last person, I would expect to lose. It takes me a while for me to recover from that loss. I didn’t want to believe it is my loss. Now I accept it happens to me and it does not matter if I deserve it or not. I simply lost someone and it affects my life in good and bad ways. I still have hard time to look at something I love such […]
I haven’t posted in a while but… things are getting better less crying, less sadness. I hung out with my friends which made me feel like I’m worth something, needed, wanted, which makes me feel actually no a worthless piece of shit. But I know something always makes go downhill, I hope it doesn’t go wrong this time.
I want it to shut up I want it to leave my head I want it to let me be happy i want it to go away but it fucking won’t
it wont leave me alone
i just want to spend one entire day without hearing it
i want to happpy
I can’t take this anymore I need to be free from it but I don’t know how to get away from it if it’s in my head
The only way to make it stop before it starts up again is if I’m asleep but I can’t sleep my life away not anymore
I love my cat. I have a roof over my head and a very nice bed, even if I spend too much time in it. I have a car, and a license. I have loving friends at church, despite having been agnostic for a while now, and I see my best friend since childhood every day. There is so much to be grateful for. But I don’t think I am capable of carrying on with these mood swings for much longer. No, I’m probably not going to attempt suicide, I’m too lazy to try, but the thought of staying here for years and years is […]
It has been a while since I logged in to this site, but since I’m here again – I guess I have no other getaway.
Life has been going rough, and each day I feel I stray away from my feelings.
I hope that after the next semester, I’ll be able to find a good job at my study field [engineering] and so to help the house’s financial state.
I’m feeling pretty much in the sewers since a month or so. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but everything doesn’t feel right.
I hope it will get better once I finish my last test. I really hope it […]
Hi there, I’ve probably had suicidal thoughts for a little over half of my lifetime, but it has always been more of an academic debate for me, I would think about what my family would do without me, how my friends would feel, and I know I couldn’t go through with it. I don’t know why I never killed myself, I never really had any reason to stay alive, I wasn’t exactly the most promising kid I knew, I’m not athletic, I’m awkward as hell, and I’m not even that attractive…
And I had every reason to do it…
My stepdad was abusive, and made me […]
Been on here for like the past 24 hours and slowly realizing i have no hope for getting better i’m pretty much going to always be sad. I need to get off this site and sleep, but everyone seems to tell their story when they first get on and i haven’t done that yet so here we go.
Hi, last year was the first time i cut myself and fell into my deepest depression yet. I had always been sad and felt as if something is wrong with me, hell i can’t remember 6th grade because of how painful it was. But anyway at 13 i […]
I can blame people for why I’m so broken, my abusive father that I escaped from 2 years ago, 3 boys that ruined my life child self. Little old me all alone and scared if he’ll mess up and get a hit, act a wrong way, say the wrong thing, hell even walk the wrong way. Maybe if he looks at him the wrong way maybe he’ll beat me up. Also too small and innocent to stop what happened to him, not knowing what the boys took from him that’ll never be able to get back, something that doesn’t have a price or a replacement.
I will not kill myself no matter how much I want to. I couldn’t do it the people I love and to the very few people who would actually care if I die. The one that I am staying here for the most is my cat Tinkerbell. I love her more than I knew was even possible to love anyone. I cry many nights because I know she is getting older and that she will eventually die too. The day she dies I will cry so much and I won’t stop. I think I will drown myself in tears. It makes me miserable thinking about […]
Today I lived for few hours.
I went on a date with a sweet girl. I had it all going fine for me, we have had fun, she really enjoyed my company.
The problems started later…
When I got back home, I got back to my depressed mom. To the shattered dreamland of her needs and feelings. To the half fine home of ours. To the family of abused kids. She was abused when she were young, and later on her life, she wasn’t the perfect mom. She is mentally ill, and she many times, abused me and my brother verbally and with lots of mental manipulations.
She […]
In spite of how much I try,
or protest,
or submit,
my parents can’t seem to take me any longer.
I’m supposed to be whisked off to Virginia
to live with my grandparents.
I’ve never had much of a desire to go to the east coast,
and find it inferior to my own state.
But in giving into my depression,
I lost the opportunity for choice.
I won’t miss my parents as much as I’ll miss my friends,
I won’t miss my friends as much as I’ll miss my english teacher,
and I sure as hell won’t miss any of them as much as I’ll miss my rabbit.
I’ll live.
Woke up some time after 4pm again for the millionth time in a row when I could have been productive today. I know over sleeping makes your body feel worse but I just can’t will myself out of bed until I absolutely have to. Because of this, I eat one meal a day at most (the term meal used loosely).
Thinking about a commenters words of finding a calm place. I’m not really sure I have one. Sometimes sleep can be freeing, but tbh I am often plagued by reoccurring nightmares of traumatic experiences and will cry in my sleep. I never really feel well rested […]
Hey you. You can still live that way. Living with a heavy heart, a chaotic mind, that’s fine. You can use it as your strength. Being like that pushes yourself to be better. You’re an artist. You can let out your demons in your drawings. You can draw your own world. You can express anything through your pen. If it hurts, draw! Drawing is a big part of your life, you know that without this, you’re useless! Being able to draw is a gift for you! It serves as your protector in life! Even if sometimes you can’t draw, remember that you draw to live. […]
i haven’t been on here for a year or so, and iv’e done so good in that amount of time i never wanted to slow down or look back at how i used to feel and cope with my depression. but i have poor stamina, and it’s caught up with me again.
I first visited this site in 2016 right after my parents had discovered my self harm and suicidal thoughts. At that time i was being emotionally and sexually abused by one of my closest “friends”, that had began a few years before but it peaked that year. The person who took advantage of me […]
Hello! If you remember any of my last posts (I don’t blame you if you dont), I’m currently in a mental rehabilitation center as necessary due to my recent suicide attempt. They allowed me technology today.
They’ve been shoving psyciatric pills down my throat and it’s so annoying, but I guess whatever helps. I hope to be out by the end of March.
See you the next time Im allowed my phone. Stay strong.
~Alex.
This is frustrating, i don’t even know what to say. I apologize about the bad language ahead. So basically I‘m all fucked up right now because of something incredibly insignificant. My sister just went shopping, asks me to help her unload the car with groceries. So she tells me to be carefull with the eggs, puts them under the hood of the trunk. She didn’t tell she put them there. But i basically crushed them. I told her i didn’t see them nor meant it (god this is just my head – but i think she feels that was the intent).
And now i’m all […]
So I want to try something. A ‘Proof of God‘ project if you will…
I’d like to be clinically dead long enough to see the “other side” and if possible ask God a few questions and then be resuscitated. (If there is such a deity).
This would actually be pretty awesome to do “Live” on Facebook or YouTube. It seems I would need a partner to resuscitate me after I have been in fact, clinically flat lined with a heart monitor hooked up to verify time of death.
I have some ideas as to how I would do this, but suggestions are very welcome.
and eachway I head to, I know I’ll meet new things…..including feelings experience and challenges.
What differs me, as 21 y. o man from the baby I was when I were 3y.o, is mostly experience.
Tonight I’m inviting you guys to share with me your burden. I will read your comments and stories, and let us, for few minutes, walk together.
Some people here helped me a lot to gain the power I needed to pass the hardest times in my life. I want to regive. Perhaps I know things that will easily help you, and perhaps you have the […]
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