I Will Survive

I did this, you can too.

4

So you survived.

  October 20th, 2017 by vooder

It’s been nearly 5 years since you crawled into that basement expecting to die.

You’re 26 now (an age you swore you’d never see). You’ve met some cool new people over the past 5 years. You graduated college, got a job, and moved into your own apartment. You adopted a cat, and she’s become your best friend. You’re off all those meds now, and you feel stable, comfortable even. You haven’t self-harmed in 3 years. Your parents are finally proud of you.

You’re still lonely (and getting lonelier with each passing year). You’ve lost some old friends, due to distance or death. You had a mental breakdown and [...]
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4

I am healing

  October 18th, 2017 by lonewolf23

My father was holding me back in life and I hadn’t realized this until now that i moved out. I feel happier these days, happier than I’ve ever felt in a while. My insecurities are quickly vanishing within a matter of weeks. I had forgotten how social the real me was. Surprisingly I’m quite impressive with the ladies. I can sleep better too.

My fathers’ anger has empowered me to take a leap of faith into unknown territory but to my surprise I’m doing just fine living in an apartment by myself….more than fine…I feel awesome!! I will sacrifice a mansion for a healthy mind any [...]
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10

Last post here, time for a goodbye :’)

  October 11th, 2017 by Urm8451n

-introduction –     This is my last post here, not suicidal though.
I believe I have completed a shift from the young boy I was 4 years ago, to the man I am.
I wanted to share some experiences and conclusions of my travel through agony, happiness, loss, and faith. I wanted to give you other users, the tools I learned, from others.
This shall be a post with my final words to this community.

I have completely ditched social media, removed my accounts from internet sites, stopped playing video games, focused on my own personality, and my family’s health state.
Today I accomplish to sustain [...]
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2

I wasn’t prepared…. were you ?

  October 10th, 2017 by Urm8451n

Good day you all,
This post will include; panic attack, co op failure, overcoming love.
Added bold words to make reading easier and able to jump
edit: Also added conclusions down the page. 

start Today I had a great day, studied, and got few compliments, perhaps even started few new social relationship here or there.
It is really nice to start a new page at a university.
But…
change in events I went back home, a friend contacted me, he asked if I wanna go out with him like we did two days ago. Back then [8.10.17] he said “I want you to know that I completely respect you, [...]
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3

Loneliness… don’t u feel it?

  October 8th, 2017 by Urm8451n

I have been standing outside the house for a while, letting my thoughts hit hard on love and company.

I really miss my ex, but not because she was someone who gave me trust. But because she was something to hug, hold and have sex with.

It’s easy to remember our time together as lovely,  but in fact it wasn’t as so. therefor I decided to quit it, and even then I’m still missing that hug.

I feel like play Chas game against “time”,  as if some kind of persona,  shaped like a standing clock, is over thinking me at a chess game, and slowly winning.

I wish I [...]
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9

Broken Psychopath

  October 7th, 2017 by MonsterNamedKira

I haven’t been honest with a human being a single time, in probably 6 years. I dont understand why others dont lie constantly. I guess others don’t really fit into the sick fuck category either. Honestly though, the deep emptiness inside me seems a little “Extra!” Just a constant void ripping every way inside you, constant and cold. I cant imagine actually feeling anything anymore, it seems impossible. My feeling has been turned off for only a few years and yet they seem like surreal fairy tales you’d tell a tired child at night. But dont misunderstand when Im allowed complete isolation from others, some [...]
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3

sleepless…… aren’t you? (Help me)

  October 7th, 2017 by Urm8451n

I would define my self strength to bare mental and physical damage as 8/10.

But even though I’m coping with major life defects (depression, lack of money, friendly back stabs by friends and etc) I still am being damaged.

I’m amazed by how fucked you can get when being stressed. I don’t feel stressed, but I’m definitely showing symptoms of it. I’m sleepless.  I can’t fucking go to sleep. It started to show up in the last two month and I’m clearly am devastated by it.  I would like to get advices of how to cope with it.

Please give my an idea!

Solutions are welcome!

anyhow, stay strong, be [...]
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2

Standing through the waves

  October 6th, 2017 by Urm8451n

Lately, with my mind and experience expanding, I learn to accept more burden and horrors as a road obstacles.
It is as if I’m riding my car through a bumpy road. Sometimes in encountering a fallen tree, or just small pockets.

I learnt to survive by my own, and followed the importance of knowledge. Right now I’m following my plan to use academic education as a “way out ticket”.

I will try to concur the highest summits man has ever seen, only to let myself the relief to live quietly and alone , perhaps allowing me to build a normal family (unlike my ancestors).

I know the road, [...]
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3

Getting better

  October 6th, 2017 by Rosebrider

A while back, I posted how I wanted to kill myself. It’s been a month since I made that and things have gone better. Although, the thoughts have come and gone since then. It’s just a matter of me getting use to everything right now. I still question a lot about what the future has in store for me but I really hope that things will turn out okay in the end.

Here’s to hoping I make it until December.


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11

Relapse.

  September 25th, 2017 by Eccedentesiastsoul

5 days ago I lost 136 days of being clean of cutting. It might seem like nothing but it took all of me to get past those 136 days. When I broke them it wasn’t like always. Right now, I feel so shitty about myself and I’m in a really bad place. I got through the last school year taking vitamin supplements because the doctor told me to do so. I stopped them about 2-3 months ago and for the past week I’ve been feeling so down and tired all the time. Last night, I slept for the longest I have ever slept since school [...]
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8

rants about emotional attachment

  September 23rd, 2017 by deadgrave

now i know i have problems with emotionally attaching myself to a boy. currently it’s to this one boy who i have ‘liked’ for almost the past two years. i know i shouldn’t depend my happiness on him, but i don’t know how to stop it.

last year he said he liked me back, but i just told him i liked him again today, but i included that i expected him not to like me now and all he said was “thanks for your kind words”

that fucking hit me harder than it should’ve. now i feel like i can’t work on my school work or do [...]
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3

Hello Halcion

  September 22nd, 2017 by The Distress

Halcion, you’re my friend.
But Halcion, where have you been?
When I slept with you there was no option to wake.
As if a dreamful slate of life appeared just for the take.
And it was beyond great to never arise.
From a slumber which no words could surmise.
I can do whatever I want in my dreams.
Beyond my wildest fantasies so it seems.
Yet when I dream all day and night to never face reality.
I might as well shut my life down, mark me as another casualty.
But like I’ve always stated, I’m too afraid to jump.
I’ll stand there, slowly emotions [...]
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9

I didn’t jump. I lived to see my 16th birthday! :-)

  September 19th, 2017 by Dawnstar

Broken Arch

I’m not suicidal at this time, and this story, although true, has taken place in the past. Perhaps writing this is part of my own integration process, and maybe it can help somebody else, I don’t know? Anyway, hello everyone, and to quote Hannah from 13 Reasons Why, “It’s me, live and in stereo”! 😉

Unlike the Netflix series, I wish I could list specific reasons why I became suicidal. I wasn’t raped by a family member or anything like that, and I really have a life which (although certainly far from perfect) I’m sure many would be [...]
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5

don’t belong

  September 18th, 2017 by lo_15

hi

I am 15 years old, and every day I fell like I don’t belong and I feel that when people call me fat or ugly that I need to just leave this world so they will not have to look at me, the age at when I felt this way was when I was 9 years old and my birth mom got back on drugs and I have not talked to her sinc, so u see it was when she chose drugs over me over my siblings but they are so happy with there lives then there is me all alone you see they don’t [...]
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0

Day 3# ->Taking control

  September 18th, 2017 by Urm8451n

Hey, good day for everyone.
I won’t update about recent progress in the last goals [don’t have time atm]. But will bring up another problem I’m struggling with.
Taking control.

Lately I lost all control of my life.  Lived in poor conditions, stopped working out, started spending time like a freaking zombie infront of my computer, hoping to get new notifications from anything! (even from advertisings) – you could call it a new level of loneliness, but for me it is just plain sad.

My idea of helping me to get into “work” will be using the following skills:
1. Taking responsibility; each individual and its own [...]
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10

I’m so desperate and useless

  September 17th, 2017 by Kiwiz

I look like a spoiled brat keep flinging throwing paper, punching on the table and burst into tears, my mom asked me “What happened? Fill her in.” I said because my TSI reading score is appalling and I cannot pass the TSI reading test. I don’t like the TSI reading test because it keeps bugging me some sesquipedalian to describe a word that’s very long humongous and multisyllabic words I don’t even know like ravenous, sanguine, prominent, upholding, vigilance, … My mom said let settle down, get over it, look on the bright side, and put that test behind me. I gulped down some water […]

4

This post is for all of you…. More than welcome to share mind ideas

  September 16th, 2017 by Urm8451n

I recently had gotten 2 mind changing comments on some of my posts. It flooded me with thoughts, and eventually it made me decide the following.

I will start posting updates about changing one’s life from the worst to the best (I’m gonna be the guinea pig). Perhaps it is going to be taking some years, or maybe just months, but it will be “recorded” here, and solely for you.

Few FAQ before I start:
How is it related? – It is totally related as coping skills and will give real life examples.
Why would you do it? – Because I want to change, and I’m having [...]
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9

my new kitten

  September 16th, 2017 by iamdarling

today, i brought home my new kitten.

he is so small, and so sweet – and currently unnamed. i’ll update this post and tell you his name when i have chosen it.

 

update: his name is axle.


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16

Hope – The Pain Does Go Away

  September 15th, 2017 by yes please

Hi all,

This is one of my first posts here.

A few years ago, I was in a pretty dark place. I was convinced that my life was a burden and that I’d never be able to shake the bad thoughts that came persistently. Every day was a struggle. Nothing was improving and I was getting suicidal thoughts.

Some of you may be in the same or a similar situation. Please know that things get better. I’m still here. I’m still fighting. It is a fight. It might be the hardest thing you do, but you’re worth it. You’re worth the fight and life is worth fighting for.

You have no [...]
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1

And then it happened…

  September 1st, 2017 by Urm8451n

It was an irritating morning, upset stomach and mind full of dreams. it was somewhere back to 2014, 12th grader, happily passed harsh teenage years, I was never anything special – in my own special way. Didn’t achieve too much, didn’t succeed at everything – “blank normal”.

“BACK in those days” :
I had my own problems: my dad wasn’t supportive or even “there”, even tho all allong he was 20 km away from me. Didn’t look good, was sick with horrible sickness, couldn’t find love, didn’t had time to go out with friends. Had avg grades even if I tried to get better. argh…. Regular [...]
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