Ive thought it over time and time again but can never figure out the words to put out on paper. I just think it’s time I move on and just pray that God will forgive me when I see him. And today is the day. I cant live with this chaos within. I cant hold on for more hope. Their eyes all say the same thing. I will give them the realease of the burden Ive become. These pills make my heart thump hard and I can feel it becoming harder to breathe. Im trying to be brave and believe that this time they work. […]
My Suicide Note
What is this feeling?
Maybe I fancy you
When you try to search me when im disappear
When you insist to call me when i jail myself
When you try to make me laugh
When you wonder what happen
When you ask if i cry
When you tell your story
When you always hear my story
When you always there
If i keep this as a secret
Until that time come
Will you still be there for me
Will you still fancy me
What should i do
I started to like your voice
Again
It doesnt matter who like who first
Right?
As you lie there falling to sleep
I can’t help but think
what’s left to loose
I’ve lost you
many time
your friends said don’t talk to him
“maybe they are right”
what if they are right
what if me leaving is the best for you
for both of us
so I can get going
and you can get better
I don’t know why you are still here
for me
I don’t know why I’m cared for
I don’t deserve you
you are happier without me
I caused you troubles
pain
it’s just one step to one small step to take
by the train platform
just one small step
and I can’t hurt you anymore
just one more heart ache that you will get over
one more
i don’t know […]
i went through lots of shit. im the unluckiest person alive. i lost my parents. i lost my best friend. im always being bullied, and was borned with an ugly face and being autist and bipolar doesnt help. and when i always searching in the net, they just saying it gets better, just hard work(yes and i didnt mentioned business fails, its pathetic) and other stuff. they act they know the other person. and what if im cant be happy? what? i know i should be dead. and i will do it, but i just needed it, for last time.
So I drank some vodka popped like 3 barbiturate pills and snorted as much heroin as I could manage before passing out and I still managed to death rattle 4 fucking hours to be “saved” by my mom. Fuck my life. This is like 4 times failing to die overdosing on heroin. Yes it’s definitely heroin as I found out in the 2 weeks of being restrained first at the hospital and then at the mental loony bin that was worse than jail. If I had known it was this hard to die from heroin I would have been a lot less carful in the […]
here i go again
trying to say things
to make it all easier
to help hurt less when the day comes
being an asshole
another bottle
another sleepless night
the words of hers stuck in my head
ringing
i was just trying to do you right
but i can’t
learn from your mistake they said
i’m trying
i’m like a bomb but i’m constantly exploding
i was just trying to get you out of the blast zone
but i can’t
i need you here to hold down the switch to stop me from exploding
one last time
not enough tears can say i’m sorry
all of this just tells me
Im so depressed right now
And no one care about me
No one appreciate my existence
Should I just runaway from home for a few days?
So I can think whay i really want to do in my life
And my parents can think what they need to think about
Im stuck and I realy dont have a will to live anymore
Help me guys..
What should i do??
I will just runaway for some days and going back home again
I think with this plan all of us can think properly and not stuck here forever
I need a place to be alone and […]
I’m sorry to trouble you with my problems. I’m sorry for having you deal with anything related to my issues. I’m sorry for putting any of this on you. There are turns and every other turn is suicide or self harm. Every other turn is some kind of way out. I don’t know which turn to take, but I know I will take a turn. So I’m sorry if I take the wrong turn since I’m bad at directions.
A note to anyone who has no experiance in feeling suicidal. It always shocks me when some people say they have never felt this way. For me, it is summed up as this:
Just because someone takes their life before you are prepared to lose them does not mean that they went before their time. Neither does it mean that they were in any way selfish. It simply means that they are not suffering anymore and the pain you are feeling now may never even scratch the surface of what they had to endure for probably longer than you will ever know. They are at peace […]
People look at us like a pitiful person
Sometimes they call us crazy
Then they laughing at us
Make a joke of our pain
When we cry
We cant tell anyone
Cause we are afraid of how their eyes change
The way they look at us will change
We make war with our mind
We want to give our soul away
And we stuck there
With a plain look
And feel bored
How we ended up here
And how we cant get out
Anymore
Who to blame
Probably ourself
Take me home
For us expecially myself with depression
“They told me pratice makes perfect. But then they told me nobody’s perfect, so I stopped practicing…”
I thought that if I had to fail time after time, if I had to be the Girl Who Got Her Boobs Handler By Her Brother In her Sleep and the Girl Who’s Step-Father Abused Her Mother In Front Of Her and the Girl Who’s Friend Tried To Kill Herself, I could at least be the Girl Who Succeeded Despite Everything. At leats that. At least.
But then I walked into the exam room and only made my already bad grade worse. I finished about four pages before realizing that […]
It’s been two years since I’ve looked at this website. But today, and lately, for a while.. I’ve been thinking about how it’d be if I wasn’t here. It’s not like anybody would notice I’m gone. I lost custody of my daughter for having an eating disorder. I lost my family for failing at treatment. I lost myself trying to recover and pretending that I’m okay. And now I’m left with nothing and nobody and I’m just done. I want to die. I want to be alone forever and not have to eat or drink water or move or think or cry. I wish I […]
they say its better to burnt out then fade away.
well I’m burnt out
but i wish i didn’t
i wish i faded away
finding my self at the side of the tube
taking that step
how easy would that be
how fast would that be
just that one step
and i would fade away
but right now
i’m in my bed
lost and sad
again
again
burnt out hoping to make others life better
to give all i’ve got
but there is nothing left
now i just fuck things up
throwing all i have left away
life is all there is left
the every next breath […]
Alright. Time to get this off my chest. Since I’ve been a kid, my parents haven’t been the nicest. They both struggled with alcohol before they had me and many would say my dad acts like a dry drunk. He has anger issues, and its scary sometimes. I’m 16 now, and I’m still scared of my dad. Just today he punched my brother in the face because my brother had a smart alec tone. All I can do is just let it happen. I don’t see my dad often because he works in New Jersey and I live in Georgia, so I guess that’s a […]
Goodbye cruel world. I can’t keep doing this shit. I tried to clean up my life. Got off drugs and such. Interviewed hard and had a sweet job lined up. 50k a year lots of benefits and now I find out that I somehow failed the drug test for the job despite not smoking any weed for 4 entire weeks. Somehow it was positive for weed. So no job. No gas. No hope left. I would have been lucky to get to work starting Monday and not run out of gas before the first paycheck. I have 40 dollars left. That might be just enough […]
Hi guys, my name is Bianca and this is a story of my struggles with anxiety, depression, bipolar, anorexia, and then SUICIDE. when i was 6 my parents abandoned me at the doorstep of a strangers house. The last thing they said to me was that they hated me… That i was a mistake… that i was a disappointment… then they drove away. the people who owned the house saw and heard the whole thing and took me inside. I lived with them for 3 weeks then the put me in the hands of social services to find me a forever home. I stopped eating, […]
So, if you didn’t already know, you are now the third person that knows about this, I don’t like to tell people unless they are really close or I end up upsetting them therefore id tell them. Well last summer in 2018 I had the worst months of my life, there were 2 weeks where I decided not to eat at all and got taken to the hospital. I was in a state of mind where dying was the most important accomplishment for me. I’d lost the one person who made me stronger and who made me, me. I spent months on end crying and […]
I have two brothers who despise my father as well. He had always demeaned us since we were children(the oldest[aka kuya] is at least 37 and my other brother who lives with us is 24, I am 17 turning 18 in august). This is my last year of highschool and my father continued to tell me I would never graduate and amount to anything(to this day). He left beginning of Sophomore year and left my mom with no money when we were getting kicked out. I had talks with my mother while we were adjusting to our new life, and she admits that shes okay […]
Title: AI in the future / A.I in the future / Artificial Intelligence in the future ; VR in the future / V.R in the future / Virtual Reality in the future ; Transhumanism in the future ; technology in the future ; Life is boring ; Life sucks ; escape from reality
The more detailed post:
AI is the future
A.I is the future
Artificial Intelligence is the future
because Life is boring / reality is boring / real life is boring / real world is boring
VR is the future
V.R is the future
Virtual Reality is the future
because Life is boring […]
Everything’s Okay
I am like a last-born flamingo in a drying out world, with salted legs as rough and heavy as rocks, left behind; alone and lonely. On Earth where people who deserve to live are giving their lives up, suffering; why does someone like me, who doesn’t have any kind of talent and ruins everything she touches is still living. I don’t deserve to live. Why was I even born? There is no reason for me to be here, I have no use in anything: only damage and harm. Well okay, we can’t change the fact that I was born but the real question […]