Everyday i wake up feeling horrible i have no one to talk to or hold me. i feel like there’s something just not right with me. i keep pushing my friend away when they try to talk but its just because they feel pressured to and I Don’t want that on them. my family surely wont love me. i cant trust them since Im apart of the lgbtq theyll kick me out of the house or drop me in camp in a heartbeat. it hurts so bad. i have nobody to turn to. i tried telling myself that im the only one who can determine […]
Category:
Rants
I’m not motavated. Glued to a $18,000 a year Job paying $323.00 for my car + gas, ect’ on a $800 2 week check. I’m full time.
Saved enough for my single self. Though I just wanna buy a gun and play with it. Hoping to build courage to pull the trigger. Money is so poisonous to Mankind. It Stalls and cripples the efficiency of the majority of people. It’s a luxury for the privileged. The lucky and Rich..
It’s hard finding the edge on the higher class..
To build a foundation out of nothing..
Helping myself could be lethal to others. Deadly. Dangerous. I could die. And that’s […]
I’ve had a sorethrot and headache for 5 days now. So I went to a Clinic down the road from my house. Easy parking, the office was empty. I asked the lady at the desk if they gave covid testing, witch I already knew because I looked up locations on my phone.
She replied as if it was the first time someone has asked her. “Yes..we do” is it free I asked she say “No. Insurance will cover half, but without its $200”
I bailed immediately. I soon looked deep into looking for spots/locations that did FREE Covid testing. I just figured you know. DUREING A PANDEMIC […]
-tw ed- it’s been a long while since ive been even aware of my life, i literally just seem to be floating around.. my eating problems have gone through the roof and body dysmorphia is eating me up.. i cant seem to think beyond my reflection and even when i do other things im just suffocating. i cannot walk without feeling every inch of my body its killing me.. i go from days without food to multiple binging and purging sessions and god i feel so disgusting to purge in public bathrooms. im literally a mess but i go out of my way to hide […]
everytime i try to convince myself that it’s okey and the future can be good i take one look at the news, or even just open twitter and im overwhelmed by the terrors of the world. im aware life has always had it’s hardships but it seems as though no one is actually living “to live” instead we are all “trying to stay alive” except ofc the rich and powerful. so why is this even worth living for? i literally have suicide as my plan B if any little thing in my life goes worse. i still somehow still have no died because of the […]
I’m someone who likes to draw, to edit pictures (especially of games) and write my own stories. This year something happened and I lost all interest for my hobbies. I’ve recently just started to regain some interest but… It’s like nothing I do, seems great enough.
I’ve also noticed my friends, that I always share it with, being rather uninterested. I’m not sure whether my perception is just ‘wrong’ or it’s really because I’m shit. I keep thinking: What even is the point of doing this.? If I don’t think it’s good and people around me don’t really care, then why do I waste my […]
I don’t know why I feel like this. I feel worthless. My ex has ruined me, and I cant move past that anytime soon. I can’t do any of my work for school…I’m 3 weeks behind. I just wanna fucking die. My ex just up and left, No explanation no closure. I’m a pathetic excuse of a son and brother, I can’t even do the simple thing of doing my schoolwork, I rarely leave my room and If I do its to grab food/ride around outside. I’m not sure what the point of my writing this is. I plan on writing my note soon. I […]
torched
torched in a blackendd mirror
asleep among violets
amid sunrise catastrophe
i cannot live
Schizoanalysis yields the gray room when and only when the rhizome comes from the corpus arcum, the body with no organs, the space without limits.
Outside the body, all analysis is possible.
And you can see how this “practice” is completely opposite to a perfect pragmatic approach. It may be difficult to apply your mental faculties when you are focusing all of your Selfhood into a rhizome, and reflecting that Being endlessly back into an undifferentiated fog of experience with no tangible aspect.
I pray to the God who sleeps, that he may take my organs swiftly! Leave me barren, Lord!
“I don’t believe in luck! I create my own luck!”. Most people seriously underestimate how luck plays a BIG/HUGE factor in life.
by niki
written by niki
A friend of mine used to tweet a phrase that always sticks with me: “Some people are lucky, some people are not.” That was some years ago, and the more I live now, the more I see (& realized/learned) that it’s true. Most people seriously underestimate how luck plays a BIG/HUGE factor in their lives. Or in life, for all that matters. I don’t know and I’m not sure if it’s due to the meritocracy thing (“If you work hard, you WILL succeed/reach success!”), or if it’s due to the ‘positive/optimistic’ self-help culture/trend/hype that is literally almost everywhere nowadays, etc etc. But I think it’s […]
It’s almost 4 am and I woke up twice from the darn fireworks outside, because there’s been a demonstration going on for a few days. This is such a bad idea, to post here, when I’m sleep deprived. But none of my friends are available to talk to, so you guys are all I got right now.
I’ve been having such a hard time, fighting off negativity. I feel like all my energy goes to telling my thoughts to shut the hell up, so in the end there’s nothing left for myself… I honestly don’t think that this is normal. Even when I try my […]
i can’t do school. i feel like i lose all my energy just being in google meets. And then there’s homework on top of that??? like bruh im already having to use so much energy to not kill myself and y’all expect me to pass classes asdhf. i just wish i could sleep forever. I can’t even talk to my therapist i’m so tired of thinking. here’s a song that helps soothe my thoughts,,
i want more friends that i don’t feel alien from. that can relate to how i feel or at least know what it’s like to almost die at ur own hands. idk. these days i can’t help look back to the mental hospital bittersweetly at how things were so the same everyday, how the people were all the same in a way. in the real world everything is so suffocating, no one really wants a mentally ill person in their friend group or working at their establishment. they want someone who pretends not to be. i’m so exhausted
i can’t even be bothered anymore i feel so empty i just wanna make a pact and smoke and bite the bullet. whenever i look for forums they are all dumb as fuck and feel patronizing or like they are constantly trying to fix me, i just want to vent without some fucker in the comments like “i’m so sorry you feel like this :(( it gets better!!” i’m so bored of dealing with people and doing what i have to do to get others to leave me alone. I just wanna melt into the floor and become the earth below me. anyway goodnight!
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I have thought about not existing as long as i have been alive. My very first memory is of doing something to upset my sister and mom. They were my entire world. I hurt them. I thought i am a bad little girl. Don’t remember what i did but i know i did it on purpose. My punishment was being sent to my room. I thought to myself i wanted to die but i took it further. I did not want to die and go to hell cuz pain. Or die and go to heaven cuz not worthy. I just wanted to not exist, like […]
To: Sister with a flower in the head
You are really greedy huh? You have been living well, have many friends, have lovely boyfriend, have your youth life without studying, hang out friends, eating good food, top three doctor college, but still you said you are jealous of me…
You said its not enough and you still need 1% of my happiness. How can you be so cruel as a sister huh? You want to play music like me, you want to be loved by parents like me, like me, like me, like im living with the best live more than yours.
Everyone can see even […]
What’s on your mind, bud? Talk to me.
I know you came on this website to see what people have to say, to see if you can leave any comments. And I also know that you want to leave comments on people to help them with the shit they’re going through.
SCREW THAT. THAT’S NOT WHY YOU’RE HERE. YOU’RE HERE BECAUSE YOU NEED HELP, YOU NEED SOMEONE WHO’LL LISTEN.
I WILL LISTEN.
Leave a comment, let’s talk. I’ll listen. No judgement, no problem-solving (unless you want it). I’ll try my best to understand, I’ll try my best to here you until you’re through, and most importantly I WILL NOT LEAVE […]
Burden. Inconvenience. Deadweight. Those are the words I’d describe myself as lately. I’ve taken a month break from any contacts to my friends. And guess what.? No one fucking missed me…
I’ve received a ‘hey’ from two people and that was it, they didn’t try again. They simply didn’t notice. They simply didn’t care. It was hard for me, I’m a very affectionate person. I didn’t want to let myself get dragged down by that though. So what, if I’m the person that keeps the contact going right.? Wrong. Super duper wrong.
Just everyone that comes along bails on me, I don’t understand why… I […]
So I guess I’m having a crisis over art and gender. Idk my art style anymore and anything a draw/make isn’t good enough. It’s kinda stressing me out because art has been the one thing I could rely on. Idk. Also I’ve been feeling some derealization? Idk. It’s like nothing feels like it’s real but it’s not like the classic derealization/depersonalization/dissociation that psychologists know. Idk. But the derealization feels a lot like what I previously described as dysphoria so now I’m like what if I’m not actually nonbinary. Idk. bit stressed and overwhelmed and I feel like I should die? idk. Logically I know I […]