Shit is pretty fucked right now in my opinion and those who are reading this might not think so if I explain it to you but my brain is freaking out about everything and I think im going to try to write and post when I’m upset and having a panic attack. I’m also just figuring out how the website works again. I used to read on here when I was 12 but it’s changed a lot since then
Rants
I’ve lost near all hope, yet idk what that entity is and why It keeps this flame alive. But when that time comes I’ll know I would be free to do anything without guilt and insecurities.
All i know is that this hope holds me here, chained, while oxygen feeds into my soul. The air feels thin. The weight feels heavier. The people.. those parasites. They refuse to understand that we are barbaric by Nature. Crule and capable of extreme physical and mental dangers to the living. Pretending that Light is bright enough to chase out the darkness. But in this world you cant have good […]
It was back in January. Our friends and I were sat all of five feet away from her casket during the service. She wasn’t religious, but they held a service anyway.
I felt like I couldn’t be seen crying. My friends were distraught, feeling sick and bawling like newborns. I was like a rock. I don’t think I cried at all. How sick does that make me? The monster who didn’t cry at their friend’s funeral. What’s worse is I’m now realising I never got to break down like them. I didn’t cry for hours or get comforted by doting parents. I was left […]
After years of destroying my skin in times of desperation/crisis/stress, I thought that I’d managed to replace it with better/healthier/safer coping methods.
I thought I had finally started to stabilise.
I should have known better.
hi, my name isn’t actually mary but i’ll pretend it is to stay anonymous.
i’m a 13 year old who is struggling and wants help. i just want someone to listen to my rant.
my parents are getting divorced. i dont really exactly know how to feel but i hate the way i’ve been feeling. ive been using food, games, and music as a coping mechanism. i’ve gotten so unhealthy and unhappy mentally and physically. i’ve had to move to a whole different country just so my parents could get divorced. no one has realized this has been affecting me so much. it’s been almost a year […]
I’ve been thinking about things that have happened to me a lot lately, and I have realised that I am stranded, stuck, lost, alone in this world now.
My parents, as much as I love them dearly, have no idea about what I’ve been through, and wouldn’t (couldn’t) understand if they did.
My friends don’t understand why I am not the same, why I am not the old me. They have noticed that I am not miraculously better, even after being given time and space.
The only one who does know, is the one that left me like this, and they don’t care. They just went back to […]
Hello. I randomly stumbled across this site. Maybe it can help or maybe it its a waste of time. who knows, but here goes nothing.
I am a 30 year old African American male in Columbus Ohio. I recently moved back after my mother passed last month. It has been very devastating to me physically, emotionally, and psychologically (like death usually is from my understanding). I cant sleep well, I have to force myself to eat, and many days I dont even want to get out of bed. This stems from so much in my life while on the outside looks as though I’ve achieved much, […]
i don’t know why i’m writing here. there is no hope for me. none.
i’ve been contemplating suicide for many years but never had the guts nor the impulsivity needed to do it. all i hope in life is for death to arrive swiftly and painlessly if possible. i plan on jumping from a high building but my brain is so foggy i might not gain access so easily as i thought i would so plan B is the good old hanging, wish i could jump hang myself but i’ll probably fuck it up. i am really afraid of just damaging myself, i especially fear brain […]
[rant alert]
I’m unlucky. I can’t even begin to say how unlucky I’m. Maybe I just fuck myself up, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m fucked. I’ve nothing. I would top the school back-to-back in the mid-tests and mid-exams, but then my body would randomly decide to put my life in danger during RE/TEE. I had acute health complications, both physical and mental. I survived Varicella in grade 10 and Enteric flu in grade 12. I had only 30% attendance. Although, I still managed to score 97% (with two 100/100) and 92% tho, I didn’t top the school. That sure was embarrassing — note: […]
I can’t be fixed. I’ve come to terms with that. I wasn’t broken, I just wasn’t made right. No ones fault. Not mine. Not my family’s. Not even God. If he is still up there. If he ever was.
I’m just here. A misfortune placed on myself and this world simultaneously.
A festering, pulsing tumor in my mother’s womb, which then became a shrieking, writhing imp that my parents forced themselves to love. It’s been two decades since then. How much suffering have I caused in such a meager lifespan? How much suffering will I bring in my wake?
I hurt myself because it makes me feel like […]
Is toxicity transferable? Does it run through the veins of those it poisons, to be then passed on to their children?
Or, is it just a case of toxicity being contagious? One person is patient zero, then it spreads to whom ever they come into contact with?
Or, can the same argument be said for it, as the old nature vs. nurture debate? Is it the environment that surrounds them, or how they were raised?
Or, is it everything and none of it? Bits and pieces of all of us soaked in it, choosing whether or not to let it define us?
Maybe it’s all of them. Who really […]
I OD’d on my psychotropic (/psychiatric) pills in 2019. ‘Twas a heavy overdose and my pills were strong and of very high dosages. I was naturally almost sure that I’d wind up dead. But guess what? I woke up in the morning. Not in a good state at all, but I awoke. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t utter a solitary word. Hell, I couldn’t even see things. I was cold. I’ve a long history of mental illnesses – BD (+ Psychosis — Schizoaffective disorder) and various PDs, so my folks figured out that I must’ve once again yanked some suicidal sh_t when I […]
Dying is the kindest thing I can do for myself. I don’t particularly want to, sometimes I wonder if I really was a terrible person, I should stay alive. It’s brutal, and the perfect punishment. I know I can do things with my life. I don’t think low of myself usually, I just am who I am. I’m pretty resourceful, I can make things work. Which is why I’m thinking about this. I can make it work, this is the kindest thing I can do!
I’ve never met someone with the same life story as me. Someone who’s had so many unrelated horrors happen. It makes […]
I’ve been feeling especially awful today. I hate my face so much it makes me physically ill. I feel like I’ll soon give up fighting because I don’t know much longer I can go on.
(TW; mention of covid, politic’s bs, murder, sexual abuse) Hi, long time no visit
The world as of now is in chaos.
And my country is being run by crocodiles.
Politicians threatening lab workers to do 2-3 test even though they’re asymptomatic and negative of the virus.
All the while, citizens who has symptoms has been dropping like flies.
People got arrested or gunned down.
Government labeling University students as terrorists for doubting the system.
Influencial people defending and admitting to sexual abuses.
And half a fandom who wants a child dead. Fictional or not. That’s fucked up.
I know what I put down is heavy. I don’t know where else to put down my demise.
I’m just very sad about […]
Today is my birthday, for some reason i dont feel happy. im not sad but i wanted to cut. i think i just resent being alive
I don’t know what gives. I put the gun to my head and get a rush of peace and euphoria that I want to ride out before I pull the trigger.. Then it stops and I go again, yet there’s that urge to ride that wave of temporary peace… It’s the best feeling. The cold metal against my skin, the weight in my hand, the rush… In the moments near death I feel the most alive… And I’m addicted to it. Knowing with 3 lbs of pressure it could all end. It brings a smile to my face in a way nothing else does.
Just because I like to be a little dark does not mean you can criticize me and say I should change.
I embrace this side of me wholeheartedly. It doesn’t stop me from being a pure white lily if that’s what I want to be. Me having dark thoughts doesn’t mean I don’t want to be blessed. Or that it’s necessarily fucking evil of me.
when does it get better?
I’ve been waiting for it to get better and I truly do hope things get better for myself and everyone around me, but seriously I’ve been waiting and waiting around for life to get better… so when does it?
when will people stop leaving?
I know people come and go but all these people seem to do is leave… they’re all like tourists. they’ll stay for a week or so, love it, hate it, and then leave it. leave me.
where can I go to be okay?
why does it seem like everywhere I go, it always seems like I’m […]
Day by day it is getting worse. And I mean it. I don’t have anywhere to go, escape, relieve. I am all alone in family, crowd and this world. I know this sounds cliche, but it’s the objective truth.
I really do not want to cease my existence, but I have no more options, the pain is unbearable. Bottling it up drives me crazy. I am screaming internally in my heart, no one hears.
I know this is vague but I needed to vent a little bit..