I’ve heard a lot of people make the statement that they were born in the wrong time. As if that’s something to be proud of. I didn’t used to get annoyed with these people haughtily proclaiming their belonging to a different era, at least not when I was a teen. But now, it pisses me off to no end. Because I now feel that every day of my fucking life.
I’ve only been an adult for three years now, and already I’ve come across a major problem in my biological code. To put it bluntly, I’m inherently backward, I have an innate fear of change, […]
Category:
Rants
I’d like to think I have a lot of decent qualities, but one thing I’d like to change about myself more than anything is my painful inability to communicate well. I’m terrible at articulating myself and having conversations, and it’s extremely frustrating. I can’t help wondering what went wrong during the time I was developing into an adult, but it’s my biggest insecurity and I feel so bad about it. I don’t think I’m fun to be around because I’m so socially awkward and I think it’s at least part of the reason the person I’m interested in doesn’t feel the same.
guess who fell asleep because of lethargy!! me 🙁 oh well, maybe there will be a better day…
fuck this shit fuck this country i hate my country’s educational system,, so many kids attempting suicide and no one’s doing jackshit FAST about it.
well, i guess i’ll just be another dead body in the morning. i hate living. i hate life. bye.. see you all in the afterlife…
fucking tired of humans,,, i hope i get reborn as a loved and pampered cat or dog because i just don’t want to think!!! im sick of using my brain!! even when people tell me im smart, im fucking dumb and fail tests and fail to pass my homework on time!! fuck this shit!! i just want […]
I had the most irritating debate about rape with this one person that keeps correlating two entirely different matters. He doesn’t have enough data to back up his stands and we keep on coming back on the non-relating matter.
This past few weeks felt really lonely and embarrassing. I just remembered yesterday how miserable my life is.
I walked outside at night while crying and nobody cared at all. How lonely my world is.
I cried in my room while cutting my wrist and I felt the emotional pain rather than the physical pain.
Right now I feel like I can jump from a rooftop or be hit by a truck. Even though I always feel miserable all these years, I feel like I have the courage to die now. I don’t really get why I don’t deserve a happy life.
Please let me die. Living another day […]
My child is relentlessly bullied by 1 black kid at his school. I say his race because it is why he is immune to any type of discipline, like suspension and so on. That one kid does employ of few other kids as his henchmen randomly, but he is the “man”.
Nothing can be done do to the Racial Equity Policies set up to insure BAD kids remain and good kids get punished. Assault, harassment on all levels including sexual, theft, constant intimidations, barging into classes, in the middle of class to deliver hate notes to my child, and so on. Displaying PORNOGRAPHIC images and videos […]
.. I’m so empty. Some talk to fill the space within. Some eat. Others listen to music. Maybe hang around with familiar strangers; go to drink and dance. My belly’s so full I don’t feel empty inside. So sleepy, so tired… soo alone.. I’ve turned 19 today. No longer a boy right? Still alone. Still afraid to be loved but oh how much I need somebody to embrace me. How much I want to embrace a girl and protect it. How afraid I am to love.. NO; I’m afraid of not being loved in return. I want to chain a girl and make […]
WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER??
> I think about killing myself every day. Sleeping is hard when you know tomorrow you are going to feel the exact same.
STOP PRETENDING YOU CARE
YOU DONT CARE, ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS TALK ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND AS IF IT DOESNT HURT ME
(im emptying my emotional bank right now, my ex is asking me if im ok, vapid ****)
SHUT THE FUCK UP. STOP TALKING TO ME. EVERYTIME YOU TEXT ME OR SEE ME IT HURTS.
IM TOO NICE TO TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF, STOP TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THAT.
EVERY FUCKING TIME […]
Driving home from my psych doc last Friday my car broke down on the interstate. It cost $300.00 to get it towed to my mechanic (my doc is a 2-hour drive). That same day I received a bill for $3,500 for my last stay in a psych unit. This morning I found out the engine is toast. I tried to buy another used car and guess what, I’m $300.00 short for a down payment. I don’t know how much more of this I can take…
i wish i could die like right now and then id just be alright
im such an ungrateful fuck
alright so I’ve known this person since we were kids, we were always considered “besties” because we would hang out and talk all the time, but the thing I’ve noticed about her is that sometimes she just says something so mean out of the blue?? like for no fucking reason she would insult me, and then be like jk, and we once had a fight because of this and she said that I was being dramatic, I stopped talking to her for a while until she apologized and we were “best friends” once again, but the comments never stopped, she always makes me feel so […]
Every time someone lends me something I’ll lose it. Every time someone asks me to look after something for them it becomes missing. Every time someone asks me to do something I forget.
All these people put their trust on me yet I continue to disappoint them. Why am I so useless? It’s like I can never do anything right and I always mess up and then people just loses their trust on me. Why the fuck is it always me I really don’t get it. I always tell myself to do shit properly yet it never turns out right. I just wish people don’t rely […]
Alone on Valentine’s Day again, as it has been my whole life. I wish I knew how to love myself, but it’s so hard. Most of the reason I feel suicidal is because I feel unloved. I know it’s just a feeling, an illusion. I have people all around me. But I can only focus on the ones who abandon and ignore me. It’s so much easier to feel pain than gratitude. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy.
Today was my birthday…
I honestly wanted to cry the whole time I was with my dad because yet again, he forgot about my birthday.
I do so much for him and I just feel like he doesn’t appreciate the things I do for him… It’s been hard for both of us because we aren’t close as we used to.
I shouldn’t feel down because I had friends and other family members sticking around saying ‘happy birthday’
I’m just glad I made it into another year… I just need to keep pushing myself and not give up like last time
Also, I wanna thank the person I adore…
Thank you for being there and […]
I think I’ve reached my breaking point when it comes to forming relationships with people. My head feels so heavy, like thick black concrete forming a toxic sludge. No matter how much people tell me they care about me I can’t help but not feel that care. I can’t help but feel that they like someone else better, that I’ll alway be second best. I can’t help but think I will just die alone. I knew that if I were to just die today only my family would cry. And of course, I love my family. I am grateful for them. But there is something […]
As I sit here, listening to Bohemian Rhapsody, my cold hands trying to remember the placement of letters on the keyboard– I contemplate death.
I want it to end. For too long I have sustained this shell without hope, happiness and peace. It’s hard-living. I am what people in my country would call comfortably-off. I have a job that I hate. It’s going nowhere. My ambition to live up to my potential isn’t going to work. I can feel it. And I hate it. But to be fair, I hate most things. I hate people, I hate the way they are petty and jealous, greedy, dishonest. […]
I promised someone I wouldn’t kill myself.
I was a beautifully poetic moment and all. He gave me some good points as to why I shouldn’t off myself. I might have cried a little. We both got closer to each other because of it. And maybe it does make me feel a little better about myself. But looking back in it, I kinda wish I didn’t make that promise. Because now I have to commit to staying alive.
The truth is, I’d rather not be here. I rather not slog through this earth any longer than I have to. Not too long ago I looked […]
This post is to serve as my introduction to the Suicide Project as well as a kind of flippant virtual testament.
Had I been told one year before that I would be deeply suicidal and humbled beyond all conceivable limits, I would have laughed.
It’s been exactly a year now since I last posted to this website, which is sort of weird. I like the format of it, so I desperately looked for it and finally found it!
For some BG information (if it’s helpful I guess lol ig it helps me!), I’m 16 (17 in April) and FTM but not at all out to most people close to me in my life, especially including close family. I have a history of self-harming since I was about 12 years old, and my parents became aware of it 1-2 years ago. I have stopped as of now but have relapsed a […]