“I contribute nothing. I’m useless. I need to stop acting like I’m depressed and start working.” Those are my mother’s words, not mine. If I talk back I get punished, if I try to help I get humiliated and degraded. Why should I be alive anyway? It’s not like I make anyone’s day better. It’s not like I’m helping anyone. Even the times I have helped someone, it must have been something I imagined because no one else remembers me ever helping anyone. Like, what am I even supposed to do? Everything just gets taken away from me. My parents just undermine all my efforts […]

It was a long expected reunion, between myself and death. We’re old compatriots, comrades, but not really friends. If you’re friends with death, that’s another world entirely. It’s like being sexually attracted to death. While I admit that it has an allure, death is rarely sexy, and even more rarely openly attractive. Rather it is an acquired taste. One of many of mine.

I knew it would return. Like a lover with low self esteem, death slinks back, ashamed to admit that it needs to associate. It comes in waves. Death of a family member with death of a pet, or beloved friend. Death of career […]

No one listens. No one listens when I talk. Everyone makes up excuses. Everyone tears me down. NO ONE LISTENS!

I want to scream: I AM ME! I AM ME!!! I AM ME!!!!!! STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME!!!!! STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME “BETTER” BY YOUR STANDARDS!! I AM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m not unwell. I am unique. I am not sick. I see the world differently. I do not speak through my illness. I speak in a different voice. I am different. I am me.

I want to scream my truth to power. But I won’t be heard. If I speak, I am shouted down. If I feel, I […]

It’s imminent now. I will use emergency chemical measures to stay another 6 months. After that it’s only a matter of time. I have dual noble gas and ingestion means for a peaceful exit. In the unlikely event that fails, I’m looking at a shotgun slug in a sawed off when (presumably) released from institution and I’ll be making a big mess of myself. All I ever wanted was a family and some love, something even the lowest forms of human life receive. Instead, I received nothing but a life of endless work, loneliness, pain and humiliation in zombieland while I constantly work to better […]

I don’t know when I

Stopped believing I was

A worthwhile human

I hate being alive. I’d kill myself, but my parents would freak out and my siblings/friends would be sad. So I literally only live because other people expect me to…

This lack of meaning in my life has led me to focus excessively on the superficial things such as how I look, what I have, and what other people think of me. The raging philosopher in me condemns this, but I can’t help it.

Whenever something goes wrong or I experience a setback in my life now, I get so upset, as if every good thing in my life has gone. I guess the feeling is kind […]

Omg I’m glad to see this site is still up and running. I made several friends here that are still close to my heart!

That’s all the good news, the bad is, I don’t really have any advice! I came through to the other side using unconventional methods.
(I didn’t let doctors dope me up and essentially calm my personality down. I like my personality just the way it is. I was just tired of the depression brought on by anxiety)

Any who I’d like to drop a poem for all that’s interested in poetry! It’s about a friend I’ve made since I’ve got better. […]

Does anyone else believe that dead people can awaken from the grave or awaken from ashes, as in, their soul can arise from those ashes, and they’ll be walking around?

My dad’s dead but part of me believes that he’s actually still alive… he probably wanders around at night and goes back to where his remains are…

Sorry if stupid post

Hi. I am a very lonely guy with a very scarred mind. I am suicidal and I find that talking to others in similar situations as mine helps me out a lot. Perhaps you will also feel lighter by sharing your story of suffering with me? Anyone interested mail me grassm55@gmail.com

I’m so bored. I’ve done pretty much everything except for drugs. Maybe I should. I just want to feel something that’s not just… really heavy emptiness and boredom. I’ve listened to so many songs, I’ve watched movies, jerked off, I can eat as much junk food as I want to. But I don’t want to do any of those things. They’re all boring now. Yesterday and the day before that I went out, took a walk. Maybe two hours. I didn’t feel anything except pain in my legs. For like a month and a half I’ve been thinking of just, buying a bottle of vodka, […]

while i dont believe anyone should be desensitized to anything, some times one has to be to survive. and some times its best for these people to step down and allow those mentally capable to fight their battle.

rest, take a break.

This is actually my first time ever posting here. Although i have been logged in here for more than a week i used to read other’s posts only. After a lot of encouragement form my self i finally decide to write. My depression is pretty weird as in it isnt consistent. I cant sleep at nights cuz of the chest pain.

Why do people like to play mind or psychological games instead of being frank and honest?

maybe one day I’ll dance in a kitchen of my own. There might even be someone who will dance with me. Maybe their day will improve when they’re with me, and their eyes might light up when they see me. They might remember all the little things that I’ve told them about me, and some that I haven’t even voiced. We might bring out the best in each other, and even tolerate some things we hate just to see the other happy. And when that person inevitably doesn’t exist, maybe I’ll finally be able to forgive myself for being unloveable.

When is it my turn to feel loved? Everyone I’ve ever known has chosen someone else over me. I just want to know that I can make someone’s day brighter and that they want to do the same for me. The only person who makes me feel loved anymore is my mom, and that’s just not enough, especially given that she is often toxic and heightens my anxiety. All I’ve wanted for the past three years is to find a best friend or boyfriend, someone my age that will make me feel special. I haven’t even come close– I’ve been stood up on every date […]

Why are some humans so evil and stupid, why are some fake, why are some smart yet stupid or crazy at the same time

I’m finding out that I can’t really speak when I want to. I am fortunate to have decent parents. They are not perfect by any means, and when it come to my problems, they have stumbled in areas. But at the end of the day I know they care. So I thought about trying to talk about my problems a bit. Nothing too in detail. Just that I really need this medication and therapy or I might not make it through the summer without some sort of small breakdown. But I couldn’t even say that. I couldn’t say […]

I find it really frustrating that my best has never been good enough. For the most part I have always been fighting against depression, or whatever it is that is wrong with me. I’ve tried so hard. I just can’t seem to beat it.

I’m going to be trying shock therapy soon, and this will be the last thing I try. After that there is nothing left but another suicide attempt for me. At least I don’t have to write a note, because no one would ever read it.

The problem is me. My personality. The way I think about and react to things. I cause myself huge amounts of needless, pointless distress. But I’m also way too stubborn to change that. I’m so in love with hating myself at this point that I won’t ever let myself change.

I need a personality transplant. This one isn’t viable anymore. It sabotages any attempt to help it. The rot has gone too deep. I need to be brainwashed. Mindwiped. Reprogrammed. Basically I need someone to imprison me, erase all my memories, and totally retrain me like a newborn child.

Of course that isn’t possible. Any intervention depends […]