I have so many thoughts in my head right now that I can feel the weight of them pushing me down. There is so much going on at one time in my life right now that I don’t know how to sort it all out or how to even begin to deal with it. First there is all my friends leaving; I knew this was coming but for some reason in my sick and twisted world I had made myself believe that I had so much time to say goodbye and that summer was just going to last forever and no one was really going […]
It went well too
I did have the usual anxiety but it went good,I was just so happy formyself to go to the mall on the weekend in the middle of the day
I had my friend with me but of course if im by myself I will still go in the morning
Writing helps calm me down.
I don’t know why, but it does.
I’m writing right now, because I’m under severe stress.
They’re still fighting as I’m writing this lol
Well guys, let me tell you my story :v
I mean if you bother even to read it haha
Well, my Dad’s a gambler. he lost all the money in the household and now we’re broke. Like BA-ROKE.
My mom’s suicidal. She always tells me how she just wants to stop living and attempted suicide multiples of times infront of me, and my siblings.
Well, me, I’m just a kid going through highschool
I have a little brother […]
It’s been such a long time
Since I’ve felt this stinging sensation
Of ice cold metal and lurid fascination.
Deep down inside, I know it’s wrong of me.
But you don’t see, and that’s okay.
Where do you go from here?
When there’s nowhere to go but down.
Lost within the confines of your mind.
Oh sweet insecurities and deafening possibilities
Of how everything could end…
How would you say goodbye?
To the ones who stood by your side,
Who you thought always hated you
And left you with your crippled self?
How would feel on the day
What more do you have left to say?
The […]
Do you have somebody (real or fictional) that you idolize? That you want to be like/ act like/ look like? Somebody you wish you were?
Why do I have to be so awkward around new people? I don’t really care what they think of me. I wish I would still say, “I don’t care what they think of me.” But I do… And that’s what sucks the most. I get told that I’m funny, but I feel like a fool. I feel as though I’m going though more than half my life in a daze not knowing what to do or say. Ugh, hell I don’t even know what to say now as I’m writing this.  And I can’t even give a presentation without having a panic attack or choking on […]
I know the knife I would use, its sharp and would do the trick.
Do I want to do it to get attention or to end the pain?
I am a mum of 3 kids, life should be rosy, but I am slowly falling into this space of ‘It would be easier f I wasn’t here’
So many things have compounded for me to be in this space that I am in.
Where so I start? We all have problems, life is not without them. But when they start to grow and each day becomes more of a burden than a blessing…Whats the point, I think I suck at […]
the constant thoughts of suicide cross my mind. they never leave i dont feel they ever will. nobody really listens or quite understands my pain, the losses ive dealt with and the constant reminders of those losses. from being thrown in many hospitals screaming behind the lies my parents set before everyone to see really fucking killed me. nobody cared to hear my side and to this day still dont. they dont listen they dont care. i feel as if im better locked away with no worries. or a matter of fact just dead. nobody would miss me anyway i have nobody , they took […]
Has anyone ever kept years worth of emotion bottled up to the point where you’re afraid to release it anymore? to the point that you feel every ounce of rage you can muster suddenly flare whenever the slightest thing irritates you?
This is my third post. It’s been a couple weeks since my last and I’ve gotten a bit better; my first two posts would’ve persuaded any psychiatrist I was ready and willing to commit suicide. I’ve gotten better. Things have started looking up a bit. But that pain still lingers. And with it, an anger I can’t even begin to describe. All my life I’ve […]
I have been clean for 10 weeks, which is a tremendous achievement for me, as I’ve never gone for this long.
The only thing that comes with this, however, is the overwhelming urges, especially at this time, when emotional release is important right now. I struggle to find any other forms of emotional release, I really struggle.
I am receiving my exam result in a few days, and if I fail it will affect me hugely, I would’ve let down my parents, who have held me a high standard I have enjoyed working towards, but the pressure is immense now.
I am also caught in […]
I’m fucking 19 years old and every god forsaken thing is happening to me, i cant seem to find a way out of this fucking life i just need a way to get away from it all, i wanna just like fucking die just leave every body, everything, every fucking bitter memory cause fact of the matter is i am a bitter memory. iI’ nothing more then that white stuff on the side of your mouth when you’re thirsty just give me a fucking good way to kill myself and leave behind this bitter world so so people wont have to see me again, wont […]
I am so hollow inside. I always thought that I am doing something important, something that will make me perfect. but now i am realizing that that was all bullshit, hypocrisy, painting the circumference while inside was all empty. I don’t know when did i became such a hypocrite. maybe i always was. i always wanted to do something big, achieve something great. back then, when it all started, one of my fears was to have a difference between thought and action. and it seems that fear has now come true. and with what magnitude! I tried to be spiritual, i tried to be philosophical, […]
I’m writing this because i want to get my story out.
I don’t want anyone’s sympathy or help, I want my story out so if something ever happens to me, at least my story is public and people know why I did it.
As a first thing I’d like to make note of the fact that I do NOT want to kill myself! It just seems like the only way out of my misery. And it’s been that way for quite a while already.
At first i laughed at myself for having a quickly fading suicide moment. (wich smart and sane person wouldn’t?) but after a few years, […]
People say it’s life, and that whatever life throws at you, take it with ease. But then, they freak out when things do not go their way. I’m refering to my mum here, and others I have known, do the exact same thing, and it bothers me to no end. I mean, I’m not perfect, not perfect at all, but when life throws me curve balls, I try to take it. I won’t always say that I do well, but I try.
Another thing I’d like to mention is love and relationships here. I have seen the way my mum and dad treat each other. […]
I have one more year left of school, that’s all I really have to get through.
I also have one more year left of the two years I gave myself to not kill myself for.
Over this past year I’ve become less suicidal, now I’m just more bitter and angry and filled with hatred. Just not so much with myself. I just hate my situation as it is now, I hate my friends more than anything.
I hate them.
One more year.
That’s all.
One more year of hating all of my friends and trying not to kill myself.
I don’t think many people understand what it’s like to hate all of […]
What you do if you knew your death date and it was in a couple of months?
I like to take things a part. Analyze. When things start to look ugly I want to look away. Disappear perhaps just for a little while. During these times I’m terrified of everything especially Drs and hospitals. So I’ve never stayed or sought out help. I have often found myself growing fond of these dark thoughts. Viciousness seems to craft itself in slow motion for my viewing and I look at it like artwork. I believe that those who crawl up from rock bottom are stronger. To jump high you must crouch low. Anger is funny, sadness beautiful.
The title sums this up very well “Fucked UP” that is how I see my self and how my family and others view me a lot of the time, but we will get to that later. So im new to the site and just out of luck today before I made my final choice I decided to post a small post on here. For both advice and to see what others think. Im a 17 year old male who is: failing school (for two main reasons: one im lazy and two I view myself as stupid or dumb) I also have no job, no car, […]
Anosmia. A temporary or permanent inability to perceive odors.
For example: When you enter a restaurant you can smell all the food. But half way your meal you are no longer aware of all the smells.
This phenomenon is called neutral adaptation. So if this can happen with smells and odors. It seems very likely also to be possible with the input we, humans, receive every day from the way other people act and make decisions, social media and news reports. We keep hearing and seeing the same things over and over… and over again. We become numb. So might this be one of the reasons people like […]
It´s my birthday and I´m just finding it hard enough not to do something my Family would call damn stupid. It´s a struggle not to slash my wrists with the piece of jagged glass I keep on my Person. Or to jump of the roof. I feel disgusted with my self when I think about poor Kids starving and People dieing because they can´t help it. It feels like I am letting them down when my Troubles seem so small. But at some Point in life I stopped seeing the goodness and Beauty of each day. Sometime, I think I´m going crazy because I hear […]