Do you ever feel or know that you’re a big spirit/soul/consciousness that is trapped in a body and you can and would do wonderful things if it wasn’t for all the bad things that are stopping you to achieve your highest goals?

I wanted to say that it’s been a long time since I’ve ruminated on killing myself, but sadly that is not true.

I think about it a lot more than I’d like to admit. Almost every day in fact.
I have this weird fascination with the void. Someone once described it to me as the call of the void and I think there’s something really beautiful about that.

“The call of the void.”

Like there is something there drawing me towards it.

Beckoning…

Awaiting.

I know that someday I will die. So why would I ever want to rush to that conclusion?

The last time I was truly suicidal my mom found […]

My name is Niki Wonoto. I am from Jakarta, Indonesia.
I am severely depressed & suicidal. I feel so alone, nobody cares, even if I die.
I’m 38 years old loser & failure. Maybe better to just die.

I’m just posting this here because it speaks to the larger scale of things. You guys ever heard of Behavioral Game Design? It’s basically just what it sounds like. A blueprint cataloguing tried and effective ways to get you addicted. Smartphone games had it, World of Warcraft had it, Total War has it.

With the understandable indignation at this fact in mind, we all know gamers are never going to rise up and overturn the greed fueled stagnating industry, despite all the revolutions they’ve oversaw and heroes they’ve played as in video games.

Just like that one episode of Rick and Morty where they kill the Rick […]

It’s so incredibly relaxing to sit in the comfort of oblivion. So peaceful to adopt a who cares attitude.  I am absolved of all responsibility.

I was searching the webernet for tips on trimming cat claws a few years back, and came across a video by an animal behavioralist named Dr. Sophia Yin.  The video was good, her personality engaging and attractive. Intrigued by what she had to say, I searched for more of her work, and found an article detailing her suicide.  In it, a co-worker and friend of hers spoke of her insecurity concerning her career. Even as her business grew by […]

i cant take this anymore. i want this all to end. voices in my head get louder and louder. i don’t deserve to be here. i should just die. yeah, i think i’ll do that.

Being raised in a Christian household, I worry that I may never overcome the fear that I will one day face the ultimate judgement. I now consider myself an atheist but religion is like an incurable virus that infects your mind. The only way I’ve found to overcome these fears is to try and rationalize them as much as I can. . .

Hell is expressed as a place of eternal torment and damnation, but I believe this was conceptualized as an archaic understanding of the human mind. Before we evolved to the point that our prefrontal cortex is as developed as it is now, our […]

sometimes I feel like I’m already dead

I am just so tired. I do not want to hurt my family or my friends, I do not want to become more of a burden dead than I am alive. But I do not want to be here anymore. No part of me wants to live and the only reason I am is to protect others. I can’t keep living just to make others happy. I haven’t wanted to live since I was in 3rd grade, I am now a sophomore in college. Yes, look at how far I have come. You can tell me to keep going. I don’t want to. I want […]

I just can’t do it anymore. I feel physically sick. I want to bawl. I can’t even do my job anymore.

I tried to hang myself on the rail of the bed today, I couldn’t do it. I feel like I’m slipping away again. I watch my life happen in front of me like a film.

please, i just want a friend

Speaking as a person that definitely struggles with mental illness: My two cents is that the true key to coping is to learn how to turn your dysfunction into a gift Much easier said than done, but I’ve certainly learned a thing or two in my days 

I literally just now made an account because last night I was at an especially low point, I was researching recommended ways to go through with it (as I usually do when I end up there) and I stumbled onto this site. I then spent […]

i’m failing every single one of my classes, including physical education and chorus, simply because i cannot prioritize my grades over leisure. i want to know how to break this habit. i want to know how to stop it, but all i get as an answer is to “just do it! make a list, try and work outside of your room so that you don’t feel unproductive, and just make it happen!”

thank you. helps so much.

that sounds cynical. i really want to be optimistic here, but i can’t be, because this is the semester grade that goes on my transcripts and that’s all i have. […]

I have a few things that seem to be constantly in my path. It isn’t like a person, more of an energy, if you believe in such nonsense. It’s kind of the concept of/person of God. It’s like in that movie “Harvey”, the guy has this invisible white rabbit following him around, with non-specific abilities and a non-specific supernatural origin.  That’s what it is like for this 32 year old Christian, 26 years into the practice. I’m not even sure if I’m allowed to call myself that, because there is no church or faith body in the world that feels like home, at least that […]

It’s as though my feelings of despair and hopelessness exist in a secret vault that isn’t accessible at all. All around that vault are littler, less secure vaults that I’ve learned to open so I can wrangle with their contents, bending and twisting them into submission, if only for a while.  But THIS vault, where despair resides with its dark friend hopelessness, is locked.  I have no key.

Yesterday, I read a story of an ICU nurse who was shot to death as she was driving to work on a freeway. 26 years old, a career based on giving, and her life ended at what may […]