Hello guys :]
so another shift is done. Well, strange one, no suiciders, no depressed people.. Just similar calls with MI, traumas and so on.. Even psychiatric was chilling. But we were speaking about last week. .
It was romantic suiciders, as i say. There lived two girls, lesbians we guess. So one got depression and suicied. After two days, IT team went to call and saw that other alive jumped from 4th floor. She didnt want to live without her. So decided to die. And like nearly always, our team brought her to life. So her punishment, or how to call it, is to lay in […]
I cant get into everything now,but had ugly confrontation with my mother and boyfriend “confronting” me on how awful I am-basically he’s trying to weasel away from me and they both say I dont deserve love,marriage,or children..mother even said I dont deserve my dog b/c she isn’t fixed or groomed…dont have endless pots of $$$,esp. after she(mother) comes to visit and Im spending $$$ driving her all over the area and buying food,etc. Yet it baffles them why I am suicidal………..
Anyway,I know I keep meaning to post my whole story,more for me than anyone,but cant tonight…now hav to work a ten hr day in 8 […]
Today at four in the morning, I had a tiff with my spouse. The subject of divorce had come up, although now after everything has blown over, he takes it back. I thought I was going to jump off the overpass, but I called my counselor and someone who was on-call answered me. It was suggested that I check myself into a hospital. I wasn’t committed even though I had said I was feeling suicidal. Our plan now is that I go back to my counselor’s office and continue counseling, as I had quit going. And I’ll be seeing my doctor about some prescription to […]
I don’t know how much longer I can get up in the morning and hide the fact that I just want to get it over with. I know my past decisions have made my life what it is today, and nothing I do can change what I should have done differently in the past. Regret hurts, it’s like having a hole in my chest and sometimes I can’t breathe. It’s getting harder to pretend that tomorrow will be better when I know it wont, I know there is nothing I can do to make up for the regret.
I regret not doing better in school or continuing my education, […]
Its that time. I’ve realized that there really is nothing left. The only reason I’m alive, is because I can’t afford an effective way to kill myself. But, do not worry, a couple more government checks and everything will be made right. I’ve decided to use Helium. It seems to be the most effective and considerate way. There is no danger to emergency responders or others who may come across my body. That is important to me. I don’t want to hurt anyone else with this. People with charmed lives will tell me that I will […]
I’ve had enough. Twelve years is good enough for me. I have my note written, place picked out, time, day, and knife. Maybe when I’m gone, that’s when they’ll start caring.
(The series of posts I write on here I will call Bittersweet, since everyone on here is lovely enough to leave comments I’ll use them to sort of answer their questions more. So here’s the next part.)
I’ve been told MANY times that I treat myself harshly, in truth that is a habit I’ve been doing since I was very young (I’m talking about 4 or 5 years old).
Even then I showed a desire to give myself self-punishment. What am I punishing myself for is something I’ve been trying to figure out for several years now. Is it because something in me told me I wasn’t […]
Yesterday I did cut my legs. Real bad.. I told my mom and my dad, they took me to the doctor. The doctor said it was ok, and that I just had to live my life like nothing happen. Well all I can think of is that I want to do it again. They dont take me seriosly and that really annoy me. I want to try to commit suicide and then they’ll see that I really mean it! Not only cause of that, but I want to do it all the time, and to think ” I want to die” all the time is […]
My name is Isabella, but almost everyone calls me bells. I am 14 years old and i have tried to kill myself 5 times. The first was when i was 6 and it was by trying to hang myself. The second was when i was 8 and it was by trying to drown myself. The third one was when i was 9 and it was by trying to stab myself. The fourth one was last year and i tried to kill myself with an overdose of painkillers. The last one was saturday, i tried to jump to my death. My life is hell for me. […]
I just started grad school in August. I thought I had a group of friends, but recently I found out they don’t like me. I had a serious boyfriend, he left me because he didn’t trust me and was tired of dealing with me. I have no one here. I am so alone. No one cares, my boyfriend used to care about everything that happened in my day, he wanted to know everything. Now, no one even talks to me. No one says hi to me, even people I’ve met before and spent time with. No one texts or calls me, emails me or messages […]
I live in regret day after day. And I’m tired. I’m just tired of having nothing to live for. I’ve been listening to “it gets better” over and again and it doesn’t, it hasn’t. Self-help is no help at all and there’s seems to be no actual gain in pain.
my family and friends: I know they love and want the best for me. They all support me and try to cater to my bipolar insanity as much as they can. They’re always there for me when I need them. I have a great group of people at my disposal but the problem is me; I don’t care.
I think about myself laying lifeless after whatever suicide method I finally choose and it doesn’t bother to think of all the tears that’ll be shed or the hundreds of people that would go to my funeral.
I know I’m loved, I really do know. But I feel wrong, […]
Growing up quite a big deal was made about me being beautiful…not a day went by once I hit about 14 that somebody didn’t comment on my looks in some way, shape or form. It turned me into someone who is very insecure, although I constantly hear how much self-confidence I should have because people think I am gorgeous and fun…and blah, blah. Well let me tell you it is not fun. It causes so many problems on so many levels. I am not here to complain of compliments, I am here because the beginning of my story has partly led me to where I […]
I was once very suicidal. I used to think about killing myself almost everyday. I would cut myself, debate stabbing myself. I even once took 15 tylenol down with a shot of vodka; I’m still not really sure how I am alive.
That was 5 years ago, and now, my life couldn’t be more complete. I am truly happy.
Most of you on here are young, as I was when I felt like you. Pressured by your “friends,” and sometimes your family may not see your pain, or care, or understand. People can be mean when you’re in elementary, middle school, even in high school. I felt […]
Can I truly blame him for keeping me here? Isn’t it my own cowardice and fear of the unknown that plays a larger role? Would I be able to kill myself if he were never born? He gives me hope, something to do, someone to love and support. But he’s my brother; that’s his life. I need to my own life to be able to truly go on living.
I’ve already decided that I don’t want to be human anymore, that I’d rather be nothing. But I can’t be nothing just yet because he’s 11 and there’s no other adult around him that’s as rational […]
im done. im gonna drink my pain away. i will die tonight. thats a promise.
I have a good life and I don’t understand why I want to die to so badly. I have been hauted by the image of me holding a gun to my head and I am so mad I didn’t pull the trigger. I think suicide failers are worse then actually doing it. Because you feel like you can’t even kill yourself. At least thats how I feel I feel like an even bigger failer cause I can’t do it.
my life has been so crazy and if uve been reading and keeping up with my life u’d know im scared of my dad i have a boyfriend who makes me happy and sad and mad and my mom took me to ct.
Im home from ct and i lived with my boyfriend for about 6 months i am 7 months pregnant tht happened when i ran away -__- now tht im havin his baby and hes going to jail soon i gotta do it by myself i moved out away from him to live with my dad but i miss him soooo much […]
wow never wanted to be back here… but i have been having break downs. i tryed to kill myself a week ago. my friend nick had to call the school and drove around looking for my house. he broke down my door and stoped me.. i wish he didnt.. why would someone who yelled at me and treated me like crap wishing we never meet save me..? i cant breath anymore. im in the worst depression ive ever been in.. my dads death still haunts me, my boyfriend has been cheating on me. my friends have been yelling at me and avoiding me and just […]