Ever since I became a freshman and moved to this new school, living felt like a slow, painful death.
The reason why they enrolled me in the school was because it had high standards in academics.
They never really cared for anything else.
I screwed up at making a good impression; I was shy; I wasn’t good at having conversations; let alone making friends.
My grades decreased.
My dysfunctional family didn’t help.
Decent days never existed in my new school.
It was crowded, noisy; nothing but chaos existed there.
It seemed more like a cage rather than a second home.
There wasn’t a place in […]

I have prayed to god for guidance, and he has answered to me.

God is not as judgmental as you may think. He understands our pain very well. Hes a really loving guy:=))

You wont automaticly go to hell if you comit suicide, but he will be dissapointed, if your life mission was not complete. God told me, that since i have learned to forgive those people who abused me as a child, that is enough for me. It was the original goal post set for my current incarnation, and i feel so happy about it. Im really like a totally different person now:)

Anyway, just wanted to […]

in my past i had been beaten, verbally abused, neglected, and raped. could this be why i have an eating disorder? im not quite sure what mine is tho. i usually consume less than 300 cals. a day and do an extreme workout (on dvd) 5 times. and i just wasted all of that time. i just binged out. i ate some of 3 types of chips, a sausage biscuit, a hot pocket, bag of skittles, and half a tub of icecream. why do i do this?

Thats how i feel right now weak. Im not strong like i used to be. I feel so weak i could be sick. Its not sane. Its not at all. Im starting to give up eating cause i dont have the strength to pick up a fork. I weight 113 pounds and i still feels fat. I probably wont eat tomorrow. Who knows what might enter mine mouth the next day. I dont eat breakfast. I barely eat lunch. And im starting to lose the feeling of eating dinner. What is wrong with me? Why has my eating habits change. I get in trouble for […]

i freaking cry every day. i cry myself to sleep every night and im tired of it. i just want this fucking pain to end!! I am such a loner. all my friends have forgotten about me, my family doesn’t care, my whole family has mental issues. and i keep taking pills, every day, more and more. maybe one day I’ll take too much, and I’ll die. yes,  I will commit suicide. why does God allow this much pain??! I believe in God, I know He’s real. I just have no freaking clue why He would allow this much pain. I know people who have […]

Just a poem i made about a love that broke my heart…

Hello, My Name Is Daniel, But My Friends Call Me Mahnoodle. I don’t know whats happening in these past few days… I guess reality is hitting me hard =/. I figured out that my best friend’s mom took her away to like a mental place cause she tried to commit suicide. Supposedly I’m dating three girls at the same time. And Just like…. Shit. This whole Week, I’ve been looking over life. Basically I’m terrified that my friends in a Suicidal hall…. I’m like the one who caused it. I like new she was having problems…. but they were little…… so I didn’t really bother with […]

So I’m making my final plans, working on letters and I wonder… What if it’s just as bad after? I’ve pretty much stopped believing in God because why would we all be in so much pain amd suffering while He just stands by and watches? But what if there is some sort of afterlife or heaven or some other shit? Is it going to be any different than it is now? Is it going to suck any less? Or am I going to hate each day more and more and have to committ suicide from that world too??

I’m just curious what peoples thoughts are….

Trying to imagine what it’s like to not exist. I’m serious about this, and I’m one of those people who always likes to know everything about something. I’m not worrying about screwing it up, I know what I’m doing and I’ll get the job done. Like I said, I’m serious about this, I’m not gunna start bitching and whining about why, but I do wanna hear from people who have accepted death. I’m not scared of the dying, or the pain, it’s just the whole…”not even nothing, no conciseness, no black, no.. anything, not even no anything”..thing. I realize that there will be no me […]

 

I am free,

That’s all that really needs to be said.

But if I am free; then why is it I still feel so empty?

Why do I still feel so dead….?

I thought I’d feel different somehow,

But I don’t; I feel more alone than ever.

What to do now,

So many possiblilties  and secret endeavours.

Is solitude really all what it’s cracked up to be?

I remember it being more freeing.

Look at me,

What happened to me, what happened to this being?

I’ve changed  so much,

I can’t even look at myself in the mirror.

I became everyone’s personal crutch,

And my image couldn’t get any less clearer.

I do not like what I see,

My solitude became my […]

I have been in and out of pain for more than half my life. At 13 my father died and thats when my roller coaster started. After that i found out i was just a form that could walk. Ive been on and off the ledge so many times i lost count. what i can tell you is that your not alone. i didnt have any one to turn to so now that i made and i learned how to deal with it. Im reaching out to others to help them. if your just reading to learn how to help a friend DO NOT TRY […]

I just want to say, that im sorry for the people here who have a family. That is, the women and the mothers. I feel sorry for you, especially if you were raped!

I’ve talked to a lot of middle-aged family mothers here, and i pity you. However remember this;you always need a reason to live, and family can be that reason. It’s always better to be alive then dead!

As for myself…well, i died inside a long time ago as a result of the child abuse and “adoption” wich was the communist junta selling me away after they raped my mother!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/nigeria/8550792/Nigerian-baby-factory-raided-and-32-teenage-girls-freed.html

http://www.ethiopiantreasures.co.uk/pages/derg.htm

I just want to say, that […]

Hello world. I’m having a challenging day, and looked to the web, looking for something to alleviate my suffering. To make me stay another day. Lot’s of folks under 25 posting out there. Its good that you have a broader medium of communication than I had when I was your age. I’m going to talk to you, because I’m tired of being alone and talking to myself.

Good news- There are people out there who care and will help. Hospitals in my area have counseling and the folks are predominantly well-intentioned and caring.

There is something greater in life. I won’t tout religion. Google theosophy, or Kybalion.

Today I will […]

am a 21yrs old female, looking for anyone who would like to communicate with me. am suicidal, have being for as long as i can remember, and i have no social skills at all, which doesn’t really help with my problem. i feel like an alien, its like everyday i struggle to understand human behavior, and why we all have to follow this unwritten rule of conduct. am looking for an anonymous friend who is going through what i am, please, am not seeking help or a preaching, if i wanted that, i would see shrinks or go to church, just want someone who understands. […]

 

With each profound breath I take, I know that there is no way I can make it last.

 With each mistake I make,

 I know there is no way I can change the past.

  You take the breath right out of me,

 Making my skin a darker shade of blue.

 You left a hole where my heart should be,

 I will be the death of you.

  Feeling my life slip away,

 Taking a deep breath and feeling it rush out of me.

 With each passing day,

 I await the day I can start over completely.

  I know I can find the fire in your eyes,

 Knowing it’s hidden somewhere deep within.

 If only I can dodge all your lies,

 And […]

Hold on baby you’re losing it
The water’s high you’re jumping in to it
And letting go and no one knows
That you cry but you don’t tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you’re tied together with a smile but you’re coming undone.

This is kind of how I feel.

I feel like I’m losing my mind and thinking about suicide more and more everyday.

I cry all the time, but I know I can’t talk to anyone anymore… not after they told me to basically get over it all..

Everyone has all these expectations of me.. they think I’ll become a famous author […]

My English is far from perfect, and even if it was my main language, some things are just offensive, no matter how polite you try to be when you’re telling your opinion about certain behaviors, belief systems, stuff like that, but placing a million disclaimers after each sentence won’t solve anything.

I didn’t read all of the posts here, and I probably won’t bother reading all of them, but it seems to me that most of us here need a real paradigm shift in order to have any chance for happiness. The fact that nobody understands you doesn’t mean that you are a useless idiot, or […]

at one point in time i was seriously considering killing myself

im 18 right now and just graduated high school

i was fat. i had no friends. i felt like i didnt fit in with my family.

i couldnt ever really tell anyone how i was feeling. it was and is so hard to explain. all i know is that it is a dark andplace. lonley

what i missed the most through my darker days was the laughter. REAL laughter. I couldnt have a real good laugh. i couldnt laugh until my belly ached and tears streamed down my eyes. i missed that so much. it was like my brain […]

Today was awful.  My parents were fighting all day, then I got so sick of it I left.  I was walking when i saw my friend at a movie in the park.  I went and talked to him for a while then he said this friend of ours (a girl, one of his exs) wanted to come, so we went to get her and she gave me a hug because she hadnt seen me in a while.  We went and watched the movie and it was fun, but afterward we went walking and they started playing around, smacking each others butts, (Theyre still really good […]

You know how you have an angel on one shoulder and a demon on another? Well, i mostly listen to the Demon….