I was planning to commit suicide for quite some time. And on the 17th of February 2011 I decided that it was time. I arrived at college at about 13:00, just before my class started and told my friend I was going to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and took a handful of my anti depressants with some alcohol.
When I noticed it wasn’t acting quickly enough, I decided to cut my jugular with the blade of an NT cutter. All this time my friend got pretty worried about why I was taking so long, so he asked the receptionist, who was sitting […]
well….i guess im not going to kill myself. iv made promises to a few people to not go through with it. so that means im stuck with all of my problems for the rest of my life. sure there may be a cure for depression in the future, but psychosis…thats a different story. my hallucinations have gotten so disturbing and fucked up. i just run to my room and cry almost every time i see or hear something. if i dont run to my room, i just breakdown on the spot. the most recent thing i saw was a shadow figure holding a kinfe….just watching […]
A good example for good people, living good lives but not wanting to live in this place…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqCYK_w8AAA
It’s been two years i’ve been experiencing real depression. I’ve had daddy issues since i can remember. my dad was an emotionally unstable, alcoholic. He was a depressed, bi-ploar-maniac. He would get so hammered and beat the shit out of my brother and my mom all the time (me as well, but i’d say they definitely got it the worst)… As a kid and having such a naive perspective of the world i never really looked at his behavior as a slowly worsening mental condition. I was under the impression he chose to drink and be a crazy fucking lunatic. Little did i know he […]
I’m currently in bed laying down with a long scarf wrapped around my kneck in the most tightest way so I can cut off blood circulation to my brain and be dead and fall asleep and hopefully not wake up from this ever. The method is called the ‘choking game’ and is legit research it if you want y’all. It’s a little discomforting but hey it’s obvious none of us has a way of ending it so this the next best thing for me. I already feel like I’m losing it a little cause my face is really red and their is veins showing in […]
i sit awake and think to myself why do I do this to myself the scars the blood is the best feeling in the world until the morning after when i feel alone and disgusted in myself! im a mother a dancer a model a singer why am I not happy why cant i be happy? i dont understand it! i kno i need help but do not kno where to turn!
it seems every time i get this feeling inside of me i hear this voice that is telling me to just end it. i dont know how to make it stop and i dont want to hurt everyone around me. it seem like i have a darkness inside me that is trying to consume me, suffocate me. ive talked to a friend but it doesnt help. and the feeling to slid the blade across me wrist again gets continuealy hard to resist. my poery doesnt help anymore either, neather does drugs or alchol. the pain seems to be getting worse and i cant please it enoughh […]
I think it’s bullshit I have to wait three days for my gun after waiting years saving enough to buy in cash at my job where I get no thanks and even less pay
Want to talk about it. No motivation.
how many pills to make the heart stop racing
one…they call it xanax
how many pills to make the eyes grow tired and let sleep in
two…they call it elavil
how many pills to make the numbness set in
three…they call it paxil
how many pills to make the pain go away and let happiness in
how many pills to help me disappear forever
how many pills to take my last breath away
how many pills to make the heart stop aching
I’ll be gone once I know the answer
I have been coming to this site for a month or two but I think now I need to stop; I understand suicide and I understand it’s seductive pull, I understand and sympathise with those who feel that it is their only option, I feel for all here. Personally I do not see the act as a sign of weakness, others may, to me, those who commit suicide, do so, because they believe that they have no other option. They, and indeed I, are, and am, tortured by indescribable pain, by an emptiness and worthlessness that kills the soul, kills hope and strangles the ability […]
@Deep Abyss – is the only one that gets me.
I didn’t go through with the bleach cause it probably would kill me but I’m just going to try playing the choking game by myself and tying a scarf around my neck as tight as possible and go to sleep with nose plugs so I can’t breath that way either until I pass out in my sleep. Yeah it sounds kinda crazy but it kills people and at this point I could careless if that’s a little pain. I’m going to do this during my sleep tonight so I can’t wake up the next morning. […]
Leave the curtains open,
so I cant endulge in my favorite activity.
Shutting the world out.
Its a skill one hones in on,
But no.. tomorrow,
I will apparently behave, as other humans do.
I have been told.
Have lunch with my family.
How much vodka will it take
to sustain the charade?
Well I havent finished the bottle tonight so
thats something.
Sleep.
Wake up (why)?
Pay my dues,
try to find a reason for;
Being,
Living,
Doing..
Existing.
I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I have an ideal life. A family that loves me. Grades that will get me into any college. Incredible plans for the summer. Awesome friends. Everything. For some reason, none of it matters to me. I don’t enjoy doing anything. No, that’s a lie. I love being with my friends and I don’t mind school, and everything should be fine, but I get in these moods… These awful moods where nothing matters, whenever I’m alone. I can’t do anything real. I sit up at night, doing nothing. Writing about it, this, now, this is the realest thing I’ve […]
how did I get here
how did i become this
this person I see in the mirror
eyes that stare back at mine
look so forlorn and yet sinister
this person whose life I am witnessing
listening to the words coming from her lips
hearing the things that she hears
seeing and knowing
but never doing
when did she take control
when did i lose it
where will she take us next
perhaps death
when will my life get better? thats the thing i ask myself everyday!! some times i think that my life is going to get better as the days go on but i thought of that along time ago and things just got worst. here is kinda the story…..after i thought my life was going to get better because i got friends and a bf but then alll my friends left me and so did my boyfriend. my parents use to tell me that every day will be a better day but she was wrong and for mee thinking of that going to happen was wrong to. […]
I want to end my existence i dont have much money, and i want it to end like either an accident or something like a bacteria or virus so my parents wont blame themselves.. plz dont try to argue with me or and kind of crap like that..
because i’ve used all my fucking life on helping people, wearing myself out.. getting nothing in return, you might say that there are many people who love me etc. etc. that im better than this.. does it really sound like i care for that anymore?
i’ve done enough to set my legancy (footprint) in this world.. and you know […]
I’m stupid. I can scream it to the four winds,
But it would be of no use, except for people treating me like the freak I am.
I’m ignorant. I know that already, but it’s so hard to learn,
Even when I’m forced to.
I’m human. Like anybody else,
I carry a heavy yet feeble white lily, life.
Birth, growth, reproduction, and death. This never tells you
Just how many things can be between each step.
It never tells you what kind of people is the family awaiting for you to come to the world.
It won’t warn you of the dangers outside your safe world.
Nor the deep void of emptiness I can’t get […]
Tell me why:
My mom hates me
My family hates gays and bis
No one loves me
no one cares
I cant save anyone
I can’t fix my life
Everyone I love either dies or leaves
God won’t help me
I can’t do anything wright
I can’t talk anyone out of suicide
I fucck everything up
I’m hated
I’m unwanted
I’m unneeded
I’m worthless
please dont do it.it doesnt work ad it burns.please dont do it