So, it all started like… 6-7 years ago. I was 8 or 9 and it was winter. I lived with my mom, my dad and my sister Hillary. We had decided to go on a family sledding adventure to the park, whoopie. So things in my family we’re…. okay. My father loved my mother and she loved him, and they loved us and we loved them. Woopie love, anyways. My dad was and still is a strict rather irritatingly pesimistic father, like many parents are. He sometimes would hurt my sister, not alot but enough to make her cry, and make me scared. My mother […]

I am confused and tired.I just turned 18 and am ready to die.Most people are just starting their life and I feel as though I already lived it.Let me explain…I was given up at birth.My mother didn’t want me and my aunt took me in.She loved me and I grew up to be a happy toddler until my mother grew jealous and took me back at age six.My mother has a servere drug habit and I recall days when she came home too drunk or high to function.I would take care of her then.Me a little six year old taking care of a grown woman.I […]

I am a mother of 2. I’ve been told that I am a bad mom because i make my children listen. My son ran up a 400 dollar phone bill and my mother said I was bad because I was and am making him pay me the money back by working off the money (sweeping the floor, cleaning his room by himself and so on.) I just recently realized my husband has a horrible sex addiction. My father (my one person i could talk to about anything and he would help) Passed away on the 6th of Aug. This is just too much pain […]

I don’t have much to lose. I don’t see how I can gain anything I need While stuck in this body.
My needs/desires are tearing me apart. I can’t handle seeing all the happy people holding hands with their significant others
while I am still alone. I feel like a man who has been lost in the desert for a long time with nothing to eat and everybody is waving food in front of my face, real close to my face so I can smell it, everything but touch it or taste it. I am convinced that there is no girl (who I would find […]

For some reason, today that is all I can think about, that STP song Dead and Bloated.  Im not entirely sure why, today has been better than most.  I got more tattoo work done today, that is what I do instead of cutting myself, that and heavily self medicate.   I feel like I have something to write, I just don’t know what it is.   Maybe I don’t really have anything to say.   I could just be so ego driven that im sure I have something important to say…….or I could just be tired of having something to say.   Maybe there is a difference.    Maybe I […]

I am so relieved to have a place to pour out the feelings. I have been feeling VERY suicidal for a couple weeks. Sunday I half-assed tried by taking a bunch of my husband xanax, drinking some wine, and taking a bath. I really hoped I’d fall asleep and drown but it didn’t work. In fact, I ended up getting the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time. (So, much for all the warning labels)

See – my husband seems to have a mental condition that is getting worse and worse. Somewhere between bipolar and multiple personalities. He also seems to be this little […]

I am a 25 year old guy living in California. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. As time goes on, the thoughts have increased in frequency. I feel like I’m trapped… Like there is no way out.
There are a lot of people in the world that would like my life… why don’t I?
I should be grateful for this life… but I’m not.
I think about buying a gun, and going somewhere far away from people and ending it. But my inner voice tells me that this isn’t the time; I still have things to do on Earth.
wtf […]

First off, i am not doin this because i want attention. I am doin this because i need help, and i dont know how to get any help other than this. I am 14 and i have been depressed since the 3rd grade, i even started havin suicidal thoughts then. Although, now things have gotten a lot worse. I have had to take time off of school because of this. 4 sum reason i cant even focus anymore there. All i can think of anymore is puttin a gun 2 my head n pullin the trigger(and yes i have put a loaded gun 2 my […]

Why are people so oblivious? Why does no one seem to care? It’s not like I’m making it hard to read. I tell you up front. I explain in advance. I beg for help. I scream out my problems in horrid detail.

I’m depressed.
I’m angry.
I’m a cutter.
I want to die.

And still my “friends” are able to overlook it. Still my “friends” don’t see when I’m in a bad mood. They are genuinely surprised when I make excuses to leave. They are honestly astonished when I tell them it was a bad day. […]

why doesn’t anyone understand that I can’t just keep living in this life where i dont care or feel anything? I’m fucking numb. he abused me from ages 4 to 8 sexually. and i cant get over that. it’s not that fucking easy. i hate him.
i want to kill him.
i cant tho because i’m too fucking afraid to see him or go anywhere near him/.
that fucking ass whole stole my childhood and dragged my life along with it.
i hope that mother fucker rots in hell.
i just wish i could forget everything that’s happened and never look back. but that isn’t […]

heey ,

i feeel empty, like theres nothing left in me… like i cant breathe i think about suicide alot! , almost twice a day i have tried to commit 5 timess.. 3 by over dose and 2 by cutting… i currently have been self harming to realese pain.. i need a way out i need someone to talk to ,

please if anyone can relate

cassiesmith7@live.ca

Why do i feel like dying? why am i frigtened of suicide? why am i not affected when someone commits suicide? why does my mother hate me? why are people constantly abusing me? why?????????????????

As i siad yesterday I keep feeling my time is near, I was right.  It is.  See ya on the flipside.

On August 16, 2009, I recieved
a phone call early in the morning
that my brother shot himself.
I jumped out of the bed and went over his house. The scenero is a terrible feeling that i wish no one
will have to experience. I even had to identify his body. Since he
passed away my life have been
distorted with pain. I had also
planned to kill myself because
he was a major part of my life and now since he is gone i no longer
have a best friend or big brother.
We use to take our kids to the
circus and […]

hey everyone.

i don’t have too much to say but i’ll start off by mentioning that this post isn’t at all for myself.

there are a lot of people who come to this site and write down their experiences/situations for others to read, but many of us here don’t really receive help.

the only way things fall away from goodness is because of a lack of God. so basically what i’m trying to say is that if you really want to make your life and yourself better, you need Him, and you need Him more than just an hour a week.

if you’d like to talk about Him or […]

How is it that I have parents and siblings who love me friends who care for me and good grades nothing bad yet I still want to die and I compare my life to others who have the complete opposite of mine and they want to live but they have such slim chances of that. I want to die I’m not happy ever and I feel so guilty for thinking and feeling all of this when so many people would give anything for what I have. I hate feeling this way it makes me feel worse and I don’t know what to do with my […]

I think I’ve figured it out. Well, sort of. What I mean is how I can go through life with this constant desire to die, but never the will to. It’s not that I want to be dead, it’s that I want life to go away. I want to live a life that is as close to being dead as possible, while still being alive. Does that make sense? Of course not. I just hate life and the feelings that life gives me, but I still want to be around to wish it would go away. But I guess life stripped of the troubles of […]

Not really good at this,  never posted anything on the internet before.   Hmmmm, I am not a teenager,  desperately poor,  medically uncomfortable or in any way outside of normal.   I have a career, a beutiful daughter and a wife that wants to be with me.  There has always been something there, and i cant explain it.  It won’t go away.  It is an expression of anger, mistrust, and fuzzy grey whiteness that will not go away.  On the outside I am sociable, happy, a people person.  On the inside I hate myself for not being the real thing, and the worst part is not being […]

A friend of mine told me I’m ok with all this sufferin’, as if I really mean to be like this to punish somebody or to, even worst, punish myself. Maybe once I refused to give my parents the awful pain caused by my death, but now there’s nothing… really nothing that wants me to be here.

If I’d have the opportunity to love and to be loved, I’d go through everykind of pain and sufference to scream I’m still here and I want to fight again. ‘Cause I want to live, not to survive. There are still so many things I love… the peaceful […]

The only reason that I’m still alive and able to write this is because I’m not ready to inflict such upset and pain on my loved ones.
Over the years I have seen too many relatives and close friends suffer lengthy, painful and undignified deaths. Following the death of my mother several years ago I determined that it would not be like this for me and made plans for my own suicide, I have chosen the place and method, aquired the means, just the time remains to be decided. This was to be when either I was no longer able to live with dignity or […]