Tag:

10 Years

how can i be both lonely and also want to be alone at the same time?

by adecoy95 9/19/2016

written by adecoy95

i dont want to be alone anymore, but at the same time i dont want to put myself out there.

i dont understand why being alone bothers me so much if i dont want to take effort to change it. it makes no sense

im going to turn 30 soon, i have never dated or been in a relationship with anyone, ive never been intimate with anyone

i have been considering hiring a escort, but i dont know if i could even do that, what if i got caught? would my family despise me? consider me a terrible person? could i accept that?

what if i hired one, and […]

9/19/2016 13 comments

…

by mranony 5/18/2015

written by mranony

Recently, pain doesn’t work anymore. I’ve been doing self-harm for the last 10 years. It’s about time I get numb but I still do it for the sake of I don’t know. I laugh but after that I’ll still feel the same. I used to be so happy and innocent. Ever since my brother wished me death and my mother looked at me so disgustingly, I feel like something in me lost. I never lived the same. I interact with people but there is this fear I can’t shrug off.

My mother is unstable and my brother has anger-management issue. I keep telling myself I understand […]

5/18/2015 4 comments

It gets worser and worser…

by Engeltje 10/11/2013

written by Engeltje

It has been 3 weeks ago since I had to leave the psychiatric hospital. In those 3 weeks a lot of things have changed. Everything is for me too stressful and I feel really stressed. I also feel really down, more suicidal and I don’t wanna do a single thing, there’s not a single spark of happiness in me. I even can’t handle school, and I’m doing only the half of my lessons. I really don’t know how to go further anymore. I’m fighting to get a better life for 10 years now, and it only gets worser and worser, so why should I anymore? […]

10/11/2013 11 comments

would you like a funeral?

by soonerthebetter 9/8/2013

written by soonerthebetter

this question seems too obvious I know..but i am just too curious..

i have been thinking “then what”?? for a very very long time. Every ones gonna die, may be today, tomorrow , 10 years later..IDK.. and when you die, would you like an elaborate funeral, and memorial??

I am a Hindu Brahmin and we have an elaborate funeral rite that extends over an year, plus elaborate commemorative services every year hence forth.

you can read about it here, if you are interested:Â http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090820093602AA3uumz

And I wouldn’t care less about whats gonna happens to my “body” once i am gone. I don’t want an “elaborate rite” .. they can […]

9/8/2013 17 comments

How do you know when it’s time??

by Blue Butterfly 8/26/2013

written by Blue Butterfly

Hi there, i’m not going to bore you with my life story, i’ll be here all day! But just in a nutshell, I’ve suffered from severe depression, anxiety and Borderline personality disorder for over 10 years. I’ve tried absolutely everything to try get better, including ECT. Â Anyway, I’ve been thinking about suicide for at least the last 2 years and I’ve attempted several timesÂ with no luck (obviously!). I really cannot stand living anymore and the pain is unbearable!

Just out of curiosity, how do you know when enough is enough? I see some of you have set a deadline (scuse the pun) for your suicide. How […]

8/26/2013 5 comments

Do you care about how you look?

by cyanidesofmarch 8/24/2013

written by cyanidesofmarch

You’d think someone who’s 1 bullet away from blasting his brains all over the wall wouldn’t be too concerned with the way he looks. But for some idiotic reason I am. I’m not even a good looking person. Well I used to be, but it’s amazing what 10 years of pure hell can do for your appearance.

So anyway I was just wondering what suicidal people think about the way they look and are perceived by society. I know I’m not the only one here who puts on a fake smile and pretends to be a normal member of society. Why do we give a damn […]

8/24/2013 47 comments

by Whateverbell 8/21/2013

written by Whateverbell

I haven’t been on here in months and I won’t deny that things have actually gotten much worse. I mean one minute I’m saying “I got this, I can make it” and the next I’m saying “okay I’ll just end it all on my 21st birthday.” My feelings go back and fourth. And now it’s just all coming back. My plan was to end it all on my 21st. To see if things ever get better. I realize that im still young, and all that, but some people just weren’t meant for life. Sometimes I feel bad because I wasn’t put through so much torture […]

8/21/2013 3 comments

I wish I had died!

by sibyl8 8/11/2013

written by sibyl8

Can’t take it!! I feel like a constant failure all the time, everybody tells me that I’m great, that I’m awesome, brilliant, smart… My family loves me, my brother cares more about me that I do, my friends always bring me back up, but I just had lost it…
I suffer from anxiety and depression, I went to therapy when I used to cry every single time at any hour the second I got up my bed, it helped a little, but to be honest I never told her my truth feelings, then things at home got bad, my thoughts about family went from ‘amazing’ […]

8/11/2013 2 comments

Nobody cares and I want to die

by artificialflavor 8/10/2013

written by artificialflavor

I have been married for 10 years and have a son who is 6.Â My wife stoped caring or trying about 2 years ago.Â No matter how hard I tried to communicate with her it made no difference.Â I am self employed and would work all day and watch my child while she slept or watched tv.Â I love my son more than anything and didn’t mind watching him, its just that it made things harder for me and I thought she should do her part.Â We decided to split up and have joint custody of our child.Â She has always told me she would […]

8/10/2013 6 comments

The urge to die has never been so strong

by cyanidesofmarch 8/5/2013

written by cyanidesofmarch

I have to drive with both hands and both knees on the wheel to control the impulse of slamming into telephone poles. Windows terrify me because I know what they’re for. I swear to heaven and hell if I ever see a gun within arms reach, it’ll be in my mouth and discharged before anyone (including myself) knew what hit them.

There is nothing for me in this world. I never belonged, and it was only one thing, a loved one, that kept me alive for 10 years of my adult life. She died painfully. With her gone I see the world the way it truly […]

8/5/2013 4 comments

So Very Sad

by pink flowers 7/18/2013

written by pink flowers

I used to feed these cats across the street. I got them spayed and neutered. I fed them for 10 years and the man took the key away. Now the cats are starving. They are known as feral. They do not know how to hunt. I am sad for them trying to help them. I will someway. I am sad and scared. I am scared all the time. Im not sure why I am so scared all the time. Maybe it is my father who used to hit me all the time when I […]

7/18/2013 1 comment

Imagine Suicide.

by idkanymoresorry 6/22/2013

written by idkanymoresorry

Wanna commit suicide? Imagine this.

You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible experience. You were bullied, teased, etc. You go to get your blades, pills, rope, anything. You go get that suicide note that you wrote forever ago. You thought you would never use it. So did everyone else. You cut yourself so deep. The blood won’t stop. You take 5 extra pills. You tie the rope around your neck. You tie it to the ceiling fan. You’re dead. There’s no going back. Your parents get home from work, your siblings home from school. They call your name like a normal […]

6/22/2013 6 comments

I just want to check out

by anon81 6/16/2013

written by anon81

I ruinedmy life with bad choices, poor academic decisions, bad financial decisions, and dishonesty. When I met my husband and gave birth to our beautiful sweet babies I was so sad. Sad because all at once I knew I would never be worthy of this gift I was given because of my past mistakes.

I have devoted 10 years of counseling to my bullshit, with multiple explanations that the attention seeking and erratic behavior from age 18-23 was linked to feeling worthless at home, feeling powerless, bla bla. I don’t blame anyone but myself. The best way I can explain it is that I was crazy […]

6/16/2013 4 comments

New discovery

by StorybookSuicide 6/12/2013

written by StorybookSuicide

I got to me great aunt’s house yesterday, the same time that a guy who looked like he was in college was there. Apparently, he was Katelynn’s boss and best friend. He was giving Katelynn’s violin to my aunt, obviously, I was confused since Katelynn didn’t play violin. At least I didn’t think she did. She played violin. She was in 4 recitals. She had a job. And I never had any idea. I didn’t know that every time she came home late was because she’d been working part-time to buy a violin. I didn’t know she was actually a junk artist, and I don’t […]

6/12/2013 0 comment

a promise.

by Charlotte 5/30/2013

written by Charlotte

everything im freaking out about right now – clothes, pimples, classes, homework, friends, boys, cutting, – it all seems so huge and like its all that matters.

but then i think about the future. in 10 years its wont matter who dated who for how long and who had a fight with who. it wont matter.

it wont mean anything.

but i want it to matter.

so im making myself a promise.

im going to stop thinking about the future and how things will be in a month, a year, a decade.

thinking about it now will not effect the outcome of my entire life. so the only thing i will […]

5/30/2013 2 comments

dont read this, its boring

by SadSteve 5/19/2013

written by SadSteve

I’m bored so….The first time, I was 14, I was scared to death my dad had a meeting at the school and he was going to find out I was flunking out. Â I went into the cabinet and poured a bunch of Aspirin into my hand and swallowed them. Â I laid in bed and closed my eyes. Â This was my most sincere attempt because at the time thats what I knew, I had heard on TV (lots of times) about overdosing on pills. My teenaged brain didn’t have the defense mechanisms it has today. Â All that happened was I ended up sleeping for 14 hours […]

5/19/2013 1 comment

weed

by SadSteve 5/11/2013

written by SadSteve

For the past few months I have read the posts and posted myself on this site. Â Every day is the same for me. Â I think suicidally but then I’ve made it 40 years and have family thats suffering around me and I want to help but the suicidal thoughts persist. Â But than after a few months I get lucky and score myself a 20 bag of weed. Â I smoke a little and suddenly everything changes. Â I feel even deeper sadness for those that I love that are suffering but I feel like I can deal with the loneliness of not ever really having a partner, […]

5/11/2013 2 comments

One Day

by Brown Girl 5/8/2013

written by Brown Girl

One day I will get my happy ever after, but I am so tired of waiting for it to come. Â I wanna take everything in to my own hands and have the life that I know I deserve but of coarse I can’t and I wanna know why can’t I have it. Â I dated a guy for 10 years, I mean seriously you would think he would be my happy ever after but wrong. Â He decided that being a crackhead was more important and I just couldn’t do it anymore I was physically and mentally drained. Â 1 week after we break up he has a […]

5/8/2013 0 comment

no one to talk to

by onthewayout 4/30/2013

written by onthewayout

i wish i had someone i could completely open up to and talk to. not therapists or medical people, not people who “care” and tell me stuff ive already heard. ive lived a life and know that i don’t want to anymore, ive been fighting and trying for 10+ years and i always knew i wouldn’t hit 25. my 25th birthday is in December and im already at my lifes rock bottom and have been here for months. I dug a whole so id have to kill myself. ive been climbing up and down this whole but everytime i go up i just want to […]

4/30/2013 6 comments

Just waiting to die.

by noreasontolive69 4/25/2013

written by noreasontolive69

I can’t find pleasure in anything anymore. I was
born a fuck up, and by my mid teens I was in lots of trouble. I tried so hard to piece my life together, and managed to become moderately successful. Now, 26, employed and financially stable, I don’t know why I’ve kept going this long.

I don’t want medication. Sex made me happy for awhile, I’ve done things with women that excited me. That’s about the only thing that I can even get minimally happy for, but I lose interest in my partners, who I generally enjoy submissive.

Every night I go out to my cottage, play the […]

4/25/2013 2 comments

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