Tag:

abusive

seldom

by system 3/31/2021

written by system

seldom do i ever have a moment where i am free from the pain, free from the trauma that plagues me relentlessly

seldom do i ever have a moment

where i don’t hear your fucking voice, ******. where i don’t feel empty. when i escaped from you, i forgot to bring my identity with me. i have no idea who i am. you managed to steal me away from myself before i had the chance to run.

you conditioned me to believe that you are the only one who could ever understand someone like me.

who could ever love someone like me.

you conditioned me into forfeiting my right to make […]

3/31/2021 3 comments

Been a long time and looks like not much has changed.

by BrokenAngel8 5/15/2016

written by BrokenAngel8

I get ignored just like usual. If i want to go out anywhere or do anything I just seem to go by myself these days. If i go with family members it just turns into one huge screaming match by the end of it. I know my sis is graduating high school and that’s great and all… But it feels like if i say anything people just get irritated and annoyed. I’m trying to stay positive and happy with my music and thoughts but i know i am slowly slipping. The guy i really like. we have so much in common and weve been friends […]

5/15/2016 1 comment

First Post, Just Ranting So No One Takes The Time To Read It

by RyanIsAbnormal 4/20/2016

written by RyanIsAbnormal

I’ve been lurking on this sight for months now: but just recently made an account. I’m not sure if I waited so long because I was nervous about posting or because I didn’t want to push my problems onto others. But anyways, I guess now is a good a time as any. A little background before I get into what I really want to talk about, my dad was a very abusive drunk and mother left us relatively young due to a substance abuse problem. I was always looking for a way out, a way to find some normalcy in my life. Eventually I found […]

4/20/2016 7 comments

thoughts and considerations.

by Alan Ominous 3/2/2016

written by Alan Ominous

My marriage is ugly.

Divorce is ugly.

Suicide is ugly.

It’s quite a predicament. In my marriage, I am already dead. The pleasure of life is consumed. I really can’t paint a picture of how ridiculously abusive it is.

Suicide would just be an end to the torment. It’s a difficult thing to do. I don’t want “help” or “attention” so I’d have to give it 110%. Holding me back, so many passions. Prospects. Hopes and dreams . It makes me think, if I could let go of it all, I’d be OK in my marriage.

Divorce. Well. That’s just a lot of work. I mean, any guy can […]

3/2/2016 13 comments

Lost

by secret me 2/27/2016

written by secret me

I was hanging in the bathroom by my neck 20 min ago and my legs went numb. I wasnt strong enough, so I let my self down. I’m a 23 year old women and I’m in college. I am very alone. I don’t like to express myself emotionally because I tried it before but no one understood me. Sometimes I wonder if there’s anyone out there who feels like no one in the world understands you- who feels alone. I don’t know where to go or where to turn. I feel suffocate- stuck in a corner- always pretending everything is alright. But I’m tired and […]

2/27/2016 5 comments

So lonely, so desperate, so lost…edited

by nolovelost 2/15/2016

written by nolovelost

This is a first, reaching out because I’ve reached my end thinking this is going to take so much energy to write and expecting no response it hardly seems worth the effort. I’m a walking contradiction… I’ve read a few enteries and like some of you, I suffered a horribly abusive childhood however I can’t get over it. That said, I’m house bound, self inflicted. I haven’t left my house in ages, afraid of being judged, having to talk, seeing someone I know and having to pretend that my life is perfect which it isn’t. I’ve lots of bad habits, one of many is talking […]

2/15/2016 8 comments

Reflecting…

by Alan Ominous 2/10/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Where to start, well, it’s pretty clear that 90% of my turmoil is the result of an abusive marriage I want out of. I’m here of my own accord though, I’ve chosen this sacrifice, this suffering, because reasons.

I’ve also come to realize, in some strange way.. I sought this. In some sickening way, I’m comfortable being depressed. I feel as though, I pursued someone to hurt me, to justify feeling so hurt.

I’ve been on here roughly a week. A common theme I see, is people just wanting someone, anyone. It makes me Stockholm myself, as if taking this beating is better than being alone. Especially […]

2/10/2016 0 comment

My Story

by jaynecobb 2/9/2016

written by jaynecobb

I was first diagnosed with depression over 20 years ago. Life has been up and down since then. I’ve had some fun, but I’ve often felt isolated and alone. I’ve had social anxiety that has made making friends difficult. After college I married the first the first person who showed an interest, which was a bad idea. She turned out to be abusive and had her own mental health issues. Eventually she moved out and we divorced.

After that relationship, I eventually met someone else who is kind, but unable to hold down a job. My life has been going down hill since the relationship began […]

2/9/2016 22 comments

Been a while.. here’s an update.

by KillerMaggot 1/20/2016

written by KillerMaggot

Alright, fellow depressed ones, back again to give y’all an update on my pathetic, miserable life. Last I posted, I went over a chunk of my life story and left off at my homeless predicament. As of now, I quit my job with a really abusive, corrupt oxygen company and I’m currently enrolled in college. I just had my first day of college today. As is typical of my life, nothing can go right. After two years out of state and a total shift in my appearance and personality, I ended up in class with bullies I’ve known since I was four years old. They […]

1/20/2016 9 comments

Erasing An 18 year old Mistake: I Just Wanna Die

by Counting The Days Until I'm gone 1/19/2016

written by Counting The Days Until I'm gone

I am no longer myself. I remember how I used to be before seven years of depression. I used to be the most optimistic individual, but life has a way of fucking you over.

For starters, after years of hearing people say negative things about you, you start to believe. I am an eighteen year old mistake. My life was a replacement. My father was abusive and caused my mother to have a miscarriage. Their intention was to replace that baby boy, so I was born.

Throughout my years, I have heard this story so much. Eventually as my father extruded himself from our family domicile, I […]

1/19/2016 7 comments

Idk…

by noname___ 11/22/2015

written by noname___

So ehm, this is my first time here but I thought it’d be a good idea using this instead of bottling it all up to myself like I have done for years. Growing up wasn’t the easiest, well I’m still growing up but when I was quite a bit younger, my mum met this guy, who wasn’t the best for her, my brother or I, we all thought he was so lovely at first, but then things started to get bad, he became abusive every once in a while but then I turned into everyday. He would never hit me or my brother but it […]

11/22/2015 1 comment

Lost Soul

by jcub91 11/22/2015

written by jcub91

I’m not entirely sure when it happened, probably somewhere in between losing my best friend(whom I loved, and thought was my soulmate) and getting involved with drinking and smoking weed on a regular basis; I lost my soul. I really don’t have any friends and I don’t enjoy spending time with people most of the time. I like my alone time, not because I’m a loner but for the simple reason it seems impossible to make friends who share similar interests and aren’t complete assholes. It just seems like everyone is selfish and act like they are so much better. I didn’t grow up in […]

11/22/2015 3 comments

That Moment

by Take a Deep Breath 11/7/2015

written by Take a Deep Breath

There is a moment when you look into the eyes of the people you love and see how much pain you are putting them through. There is a moment when you see the worry and the suffering and the fear- and the exhaustion you are putting them through. How their movements become slower, as if the world is weighing on their shoulders. There is a moment when you remember just how worthless you are- just how much you aren’t worth it.

I looked into my mom’s eyes tonight and saw the fear in them. I saw the worry, and the pain of 20 years of having […]

11/7/2015 14 comments

Overlook of me

by Cloverse 10/21/2015

written by Cloverse

Hello. I am 15 years old, and I have never met my dad- not my real one anyways. I have a verbally abusive step-dad, and a mother who doesn’t understand what I have been going through.

I am the oldest child of 3, and I have depression.

You may be saying, “well duh, you’re 15” and all the “all teenagers are” but let me tell you that I used to be a happy kid. I was outdoorsy, and social. Now I am a selective mute who hates the outdoors. Actually, I love the outdoors- just not the things in it- if that makes any sense.

I am an […]

10/21/2015 5 comments

First Post…

by shadow.demons 10/11/2015

written by shadow.demons

okay so where do i even begin? I guess ill just start with my family before i even go into detail about me. My mother has a terrible medical history, and she passes out or blacks out many times and during this sometimes she falls and busts her head, which as you can imagine, this is very stressful and would be for anyone. Imagine being anywhere from 6-13 and seeing this is pretty traumatic. My mother cannot control these, and cannot wake herself from these spells on her own. She has had many stitches. My father is a pathological liar. He was in the army, […]

10/11/2015 3 comments

I’m horrified this happened

by BluDude976 9/22/2015

written by BluDude976

I tried to use the Reddit app for the first time last night. I posted some very personal stuff in the Depression and in the LGBT section to see what people would say. The responses were extraordinarily abusive. People blaming me for something someone else did that was out of my control. People telling me to fuck off and get a therapist. I’m actually shaking it was so upsetting. This is why I don’t try to make friends, whenever I reveal anything about my depression to punish me for it. When I deleted my account there was a question of why I was doing this […]

9/22/2015 9 comments

Why am I so terrified?

by chelle428 9/14/2015

written by chelle428

I’m planning on making an appointment to get on antidepressants soon, I also plan on going to counseling soon. I am so incredibly terrified of going into the doctor’s office and telling them I’m depressed. I don’t even know why, but just the idea makes me sick to my stomach. Also the idea of going to counseling really scares me, I went to counseling once when I was younger because I was forced to go by the SRS since my parents were abusive. I’ve hidden my depression for so long, and I’ve been depressed and cutting myself since I was 11, and I’m 19 now. […]

9/14/2015 1 comment

Been there, wanna get back……

by lethargiclumberjack 8/29/2015

written by lethargiclumberjack

So I experienced a massive cardiac episode two years ago last May. My arteries in my chest literally tore themselves apart. I was on the table for ten hours, I was cliniy dead for half an hour during that time, no brain activity, no machine, 42deg and dead.

It was nice, I have had major depression for more than ten years. I have horrible paranoia of my wife who is 2000 miles away and I can’t control these horrible emotional outbursts anymore. I am a horrible person sometimes and I can only sit in the back of my head and watch the pain it causes.

I am […]

8/29/2015 7 comments

not sure where to start….

by ggrooms123 8/10/2015

written by ggrooms123

I guess I am writing this for everyone else out there who understands what I’ve gone through. To know you aren’t alone nor are you ever alone no matter how much you may feel that way its not true. I have been battling depression and suicidal tendencies since I was 8 years old. From age 9 to 17 I was raped and molested by my friends father. He is in jail now, but it really messed me up. I started cutting starving binging and purging because i needed to control something again because of how much I had lost. I didn’t know what else to […]

8/10/2015 2 comments

Don’t I deserve to be happy?

by Yours, Forever and Always 8/1/2015

written by Yours, Forever and Always

I told them I wanted to leave. It didn’t have to be far away, just away from here.

I need help and I know it. They know it. Everyone seems to know it.

I can’t get help while being here.

I’m becoming a monster. Aggressive, verbally abusive to others, physically abusive towards myself. I’ve just about given up on myself. And all anyone cares about is that fact that if I leave, it’s like I’m abandoning them. THEM!

Like, aren’t they abandoning me by only caring about themselves? They aren’t looking out for my best interest. I could kill […]

8/1/2015 1 comment

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