My shadow, is shredding skin. Drowning my soul, descended angel, fill me with sin.
I can’t turn back now, I’ve said too much.
I greet the end.
Its so warm and calm inside. The depth of the drop will be sufficient for a quick numb. Soon. All gone.
For about six weeks, things were actually going pretty good. I found a job, after six months without full-time work. I started running again several days a week, which clears my mind and stabilizes my mood in a way that nothing else can (I can’t swim, for instance, and I hate lifting weights because of all the pauses where my thoughts can creep back in). I went two whole weeks without wishing I was dead, for probably the first time in a couple years.
And then a week ago I hurt my knee and had to stop running. A few days after that I got into […]
My grandma has been living here because of certain circumstances, but she keeps inviting over my little bad ass cousin and she disrupts the entire house! My grandma even told her it was all right for her to stay today and she missed school. For what? Just to go around and get on everyone’s nerves in the house? The girl does NOT listen at all. She’s a bad apple. Period. The girl finally left today and I heard her tell my grandma “See you next week” so I blew the fuck up at my grandmother because this is NOT just her house.
It’s so inconsiderate to […]
Hey cordless, I was reading some of the previous post and seen the one you did about your claw ring and had to say that it is a very cool ring, I had a close bro give me the exact same ring about 20 years ago, this one was made out of brass ( of all things ) the funny thing is that I still have it all this time later. When I read your post and seen the ring I looked for mine and found it, along with some other stuff I have forgotten about. Thanks bringing back some really cool […]
my family spent so many years not talking about our fucking problems. and now my siblings are like “we are talking to our parents about are problems so we can get them fixed” and then i get included into the conversation and get to hear about their depression and their mental problems and then i get praised for being the one child without problems. can we just go back to not talking? i dont want to be the mentally sane child that apparently has no problems. i need to get the fuck out of here.
I am kind of stuck. I’ve wasted an entire year at university but have been barely able to get out of bed let alone get a degree, so now I am redoing my second year. (I am writing a separate post about that)
All I want to know is, how am I supposed to go and get help from a doctor if I am too anxious? I know many people on here suffer from anxiety, how did you first go and get help? Like my nervousness is so crippling I can’t even think about going to the doctors!
I get stomach pains when I am anxious, and […]
I’ll live through this
I can’t see through this
I can’t do this anymore
I don’t want to be here anymore. My sanctity is benefiting from the absence of trust. The pressure is building at the back of my mind.
Broken. Collapsing. Death encircled me.
The incidious thoughts are growing louder than before.
I’ve done my best. Lay me to rest. Just let me die.
I’m sorry for the demon I’ve become.
You should be sorry for the angel you are not.
I wonder how its gonna be when I don’t wake up.
Some words when spoken can’t be taken back.
I’m becoming more and more comfortable with the idea.
Everything is ready. Except for my family. I don’t want any one to miss me. Not like they will anyway. If I was still jumping, this would be so much easier. Blame it on a chute failure. Pour me from my boots and into a grave.
Now the biggest enemy I face is myself. I’ve got a fairly reliable method for self-disposal. […]
I almost posted some metaphorical thought based shit. Decided nah, fuck that. I ramble too fucking much.
I almost posted some deep internal , dump my heart out shit. Ironic I’m not really comfortable with that. Besides so many new faces, filling in the back story… fuck it.
I almost posted a funny ass song, well, I think it’s funny. I kind of over did that though.
So, here’s Twiztid-Darkness. I like the song. I like the video. It’s not overly goofy, or too deep to me. Just posting up to post up. Thinking on getting blitzed wasted tonight. I haven’t tasted booze in 7-8 months. Haven’t been […]
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For about ten years I wore a pair of hematite rings.
Usually they don’t last that long because they can be brittle.
Mine finally broke awhile back, and I enjoyed searching for a suitable replacement.
Something which was interesting but still dark and angsty.
I decided on this. I think it’s pewter.
Gotta love the all-enveloping claws of doom.
I wear it every day.
It has been 3 and a half years since I came here. I was so close to death, to cutting my self, I slept so close to the razor under my pillow, I walked the deepest pits of hell.
I am a survivor.
When I look back, funnily, I don’t see darkness. I don’t see pain.
I see life. I see struggles. I see beauty.
If you hold on long enough, one day you will look back and realize the beauty of all struggles. You will see that the truest form of living is the one which is closest to death. That the brightest light is the one […]
It’s been a little over two years now since she left, I know I should be happy that she isn’t in pain anymore but when I think of her and everything we had I can’t help but cry.
Its been two years since my whole world was ruined by the girl who I had known for so many years, my best friend, my rock. I could have helped her, I could have answered her phone call but I just didn’t, I didn’t pick up the phone when I should have.
I’m so sorry I didn’t pick up, im so sorry I wasn’t able to help, oh why, […]
Man oh man I surely miss those times before I was born, felling nothing, no hunger, no thirst, no emotions and times flew bye so fast don’t you think guys ?
So yeah I really want to go back to those good days, I don’t want a paradise or hell, I don’t want to be conscious, maybe because I fear to see my family from the otherworld.
But jeez it is so tempting, the good old days, jokes on me if we live again the same life.
so yeah, loosing it soon as time goes bye and as the gun locker laughs at me.
If anyone wants to know […]
Here’s something our symphony played awhile back.
It’s called “Ghost Train”.
Creepy haunting angsty stuff.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Ghost_Train.mp3
Hi guys. It’s been awhile since I’ve been here. I have pretty much been doing the ‘keepgoingandhopeitgetsbetter’ thing. You know- putting off til tomorrow what I don’t really have to do today. There have been a couple new developments in my life.
For the past twelve months I’ve been staying with my parents again. Yes, I’ve been on my own since 20 and have now, after some major life events, had to swallow my pride and move back in, in my 30s. Well, finally my patience has been rewarded and in a few weeks I’ll be moving back into a place of my own.
I’ve also started […]
Another song I wrote a while back and decided to record (poorly). Basically a suicide note, a very mild one, in song form.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Movin-On-5_7_16-2.05-PM.m4a
Verse
I don’t wanna bother you anymore
Because I know how much that hurts
I don’t wanna be there at your door
Making your life so much worse
But I can’t help that I exist
So I’ll move along this process
And I’m not the sappy type
So I’ll keep this letter short
It’s the last that I will write
But don’t think it’s your fault
I’ve got a better place to be
And you’ve got better people to see
Pre-chorus
I’m sorry it […]
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
I don’t know what to hear
Knowing is what I am looking for.
Knowledge is both beautiful and tragic.
Beautiful because there is nothing better than being aware
Tragic, because once aware, can never go back to unknown.
Once you see it, it’s difficult to forget.
Unknowingly happy
Knowingly unhappy
i don’t really come here for help anymore, so please ignore me; i just wanted a place to ramble.
i never in my wildest dreams thought i would make it to eighteen- not once, even at my most optimistic, did i seriously consider the possibility that i’d still be here today… but i am here.
i don’t really know how i feel about that.
it’s almost kind of laughable, you know? like a bad joke or a fucked up riddle, what’s still there but not, what should be gone that isn’t, what do you call a ghost that’s still alive– and it’s me.
it’d be nice to say hey, […]
I’m not doing well tonight. Got in a fight with my boyfriend. It wasn’t a huge fight or anything but it just left me feeling so bad. We had a nice dinner planned. Well, he did. Then one little thing I didn’t do set him off and now he’s sleeping but he made himself something to eat. It’s absolutely stupid really. He was mad because didn’t have a beer for him when he got home from work. Nevermind the fact I was on my way back from the store when he happened to get home an hour early. No use explaining. I really didn’t feel […]
Last night my husband and I fought again over something trivial since I can’t remember what it was. He had to go work with his parents today since I’m not providing anymore. He said I’m forcing him and I should feel bad for him. He’s doing landscaping and I know it’s a hard job and I do feel bed for him. But back to last night, I took my pups out and stayed downstairs for a while. When I came up he got pissed at me saying “you know I can’t sleep alone and I have an important day tomorrow but I guess I should […]