I’m honestly sorry anyone’s even attempting to read this load of self-pity.
Am I really just a dog? I can’t be, my family likes dogs. So what does that make me? My brother and sister both talk to me as if I were a dog. My parents stand by and either continue it, or tell me to stop being such a baby about it. I know that at the end of the day, I am nothing and furthermore that my family sees me and recognizes the same thing; I am worthless.
I’ve honestly got the best friends I […]
https://youtu.be/n-cD4oLk_D0
I’m not doing anything being alive im tired of being alone. I actually went on a 2nd date today. Im supposed to have another one this coming week. That said i feel very little connection with her. Im grateful as i haven’t had a date before last week in years and very few in my entire life. I guess give it time but i just feel its always a matter of time until i get rejected again. Ive become unover someone i haven’t talked to in a year and will never see again anyway. I don’t want to live anymore in perpetual loneliness. There have […]
Being alone is fine, most of the time. When you’re focused on something else. But then you get tired, and can’t focus. And you can’t get to sleep. Because you can’t find peace. Because you realize that your life is lacking anything worthwhile. That there’s nothing you can do, to feel part of a group. Because your whole way of thinking is based on being alone. And you can’t give that up. Because that would mean opening yourself to rejection. And there’s so much about you that should be rejected.
So you’re trapped. Telling yourself to do whatever it takes to break through and make some kind of connection. […]
Do you ever get tired of helping everyone else with their problems?
Do you ever get tired of no one helping with yours?
Do you ever get tired of being sad?
Do you ever get tired of being happy?
Do you ever get tired of nosiness?
Do you ever get tired of unconcernedness?
Do you ever get tired of being underestimate?
Do you ever get tired of being overestimated?
Do you ever get tired of being alone?
Do you ever get tired of being crowded?
of faking a smile?
of pretending to care?
of being burdened?
of having nothing to do?
of low self-esteem?
of being “plain-jane”?
of being liked?
or of being ignored?
So…
I am thinking, and searching on Google about it. And it feels good doing so because then everything becomes bearable: being scared of my future, being alone, being tired. I am thinking of staying on bed all day. I am sucking bigtime on my work and on my classes. I am trying and trying. But at the end nothing is working against my depression.
I am on therapy and on classes on how to deal with things. I am here. I called people and tried exercising. Tried being positive and living in present time. That’s what I am working on right now. But if I could […]
I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe so that I can just get it out of my system now and have something for other people to read after I’m dead. Maybe for some other reason. I don’t know.
My history with suicide is filled with twists and turns. Ever since I was ten years old, I could tell that I wasn’t normal and that no matter what I tried, I would never be able to fit in with other people due to my inconsistent and abnormal disposition. This idea stemmed from the fact that throughout my life as a child, I never really had any friends. There […]
I can’t wait to get in to the mountains. As much as I hate being alone and having no one, when I am in the mountains I am at peace. Just mother nature and I. When I go it is not a camping trip. I wouldn’t consider it a survival trip either but in a way it is a survival trip. I don’t take a tent or sleeping bag. I don’t take a gun. I take something to start a fire, a knife and a little fishing line. The rest I use mother nature to provide. I build a shelter, eat bugs and berries and […]
My ex-fiance broke my heart. Yep. He broke off our engagement and continues to beat me emotionally until I’m numb. I want to die. I want someone to take this pain away from me. But nobody ever does. So I think I’ll end my pain. I think I’m going to die today. Don’t tell me life’s worth the fight. My whole life has been one painful experience after another. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been crying out for help for years. I thought he was going to help me. He broke me in ways I never thought were possible. I will probably never be […]
I’m not even sure how to start. I pulled up from work crying. (And that was before I read Nidda’s post i started really bawling then) Im just defeated in this moment. I will be fired soon because of the urealistic productivity standards. Im listening to an audiobook called the Confidence Gap. Its main focus is that you cant control what thoughts pop in your head but how long they stay. Also it is irrelevant how true a thought is but how helpful one is. […]
Where to start, well, it’s pretty clear that 90% of my turmoil is the result of an abusive marriage I want out of. I’m here of my own accord though, I’ve chosen this sacrifice, this suffering, because reasons.
I’ve also come to realize, in some strange way.. I sought this. In some sickening way, I’m comfortable being depressed. I feel as though, I pursued someone to hurt me, to justify feeling so hurt.
I’ve been on here roughly a week. A common theme I see, is people just wanting someone, anyone. It makes me Stockholm myself, as if taking this beating is better than being alone. Especially […]
I hate weekends, they are terrible…. And they start on Friday for me now 🙁 I hate the being alone and doing nothing. I used to look forward to them as I hated leaving the house but now I like leaving the house but won’t if I have no reason to…. Yesterday I did leave the house though, however not for good reasons, went to drop off my resume at a place, which was stressful… I doubt I’ll manage to get the job, and in some ways I hope that I don’t. I worry about the hours that they may offer, they have to work […]
what is life? A time voyage that only consists of people being alone, of people being forgotten, broken, left? I feel so alone and like theres no one there for me… I feel broken. Am i broken? Why does everyone leave my sight, my life ? Its like i put all this time into people and im the nicest person to everyone when they need something but right when you are broken they leave and tell you all these crazy shit. Do any of you guys just wonder what this life would be without you like if it would be better or not? Cause i […]
I am tired of everything. Tired of going to school everyday and have bad grades because I can’t focus. Tired of making efforts to have friends and in the end being alone again, tired of trying, tired of keep going, tired. I am tired of living, breading, eating, sleeping and being tired.
They say it’s because I am shy that I don’t have friends, well I try and yet the exclude me. I try to talk but or it goes wrong or they talk over me or I am just ignored. And I can be like one month without talking to anyone that nobody searches for me […]
First off I am sorry Monster for you.
So yeah, lately I did became more calm and a degree under happy, rather satisfied. I have everything I need here, no work, no other people.
Speaking of people, I really feel like being asocial, I don’t wanna see anyone, don’t wanna talk and it is just fine to be honest, I have everything at home to be entertained so yeah.
Second, I guess this varies from guy to guy but I had like a maturation phase in some days, I rarely think about having a girlfriend now, even disliking the idea of having one. Which is keeping my head […]
fuck being alone. I’m sick of it.
Everyone that matters to me leaves before they’re suppose too and it’s not fair.
stop giving up on me
I feel alone, really alone sometimes but it’s mostly my own choices that lead me to being alone. It’s not a painful type of alone it doesn’t torment me I can’t necessarily say its a loneliness. I feel sad about being alone I want someone to love but I think that will probably take awhile. Not sure if anyone keeps up with any of my posts on here or not so guess I’ll touch base on things. I was in a 4 year relationship with a guy I was best friends with for 6 years. I had known him 10 years, he was my first […]
I took this photo, sunsets usually make me feel better. I really don’t like being alone but what a beautiful view isn’t it? I can’t complain
Cold air and the warm light. Hope you like it. Merry Christmas.
Hugs
High school, a dangerous place for meet mortal teenagers who doesn’t have the looks or requirements to fit in high school. I know the feeling. My story is a little different. It’s not that typical nerdy girl is alone and all of a sudden she gets friends and moves on. No. That only happens in fantasies. I’ll start from the beginning. All through primary school I had friends. Lots of them, in fact. Some how in the 5th grade, I had a best friend at that time who always got mad at me for not doing what she did, obviously for the sake of friendship, […]
I cant do it this is stupid. Im too tired to move most of the time. Its a battle to not beat myself up all day. My best friend has stopped talking to me so she can kill herself and now ignores me im alone so im back here to be judged and picked apart. I want to die. Ive been suicidal for decadesm i should want to die. Im tires im sick my job is stressful. Everything is a suicide trigger I can’t stop over eatting. I am just scratching the surface I’m so angry i punch things at work randomly. Im undatable, uninteresting, […]
The Christmas depression is here. But it is worse this time. Much worse. My daughter at least until last year was still interested in getting a tree put up and putting together some kind of meal on Christmas day. But not this year. We don’t really “celebrate” the holidays much anyway but this year I feel like I have become such a burden for everyone that they just don’t want to deal with things. I don’t ask much of the two of my kids that live with me – I don’t go out really anymore but we share the basic expenses. My son takes care […]
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