I am sorry if you truly know me and you are reading this. If you know me, you might have known this would happen but within the next few days, I am planing to kill myself. Why? I can’t deal with whats going on in my head.
Tag:
deal
Counting the days till im gone made a post about family and how they play a hand in self harm and suicide. Dont know if this person is a guy or a girl but there right. Im in a simaler situation, but its probably not as bad. They are deffanatly fake and the deffanatly lie. I have done things to make them angry i cant lie about that but they where ready to disown me over something i posted online. Then my mom told everyone to mess with my head that was the worst. The truth is they hated me before any of this happend, […]
I need to know how crazy I am. I cut, burn, choke myself, abuse prescription and over the counter pills, and sometimes drive with my eyes closed to see if anything will happen. Sometimes I don’t think any of this is a big deal. I’ve grown to live like this almost constantly for the past year. Other times, I find myself sobbing, wondering what I’ve become. Is this a lot of self harm compared with others? I don’t know where I stand compared with other self harmers/suicide contemplators. I don’t know if I’m alone in this level of self hatred, or if there are others […]
So maybe I’m all screw-y or something,
I’m assuming the majority of you may not be able to relate,
But sitting here alone and dreading the day, I decided why not write this post. I don’t know why I do this, nor do I think I’ll ever know why,
But I always seem to…Cut people out of my life.
I had this best friend, he was so good to me last year, when I was at the lowest point. He made sure I was happy and all, and he calmed me down every night when I felt my anxiety begin to swallow me. But ever since, I’ve always tried […]
I have dealt with more pain than you think. You have no reason to judge me. The simple fact that you judge me proves that you are smaller and weaker than me. You can’t deal with the pain I’ve been through. Yeah you can say all you want about me, but it’s not gonna change what I believe and I believe in myself. I don’t need to believe in you or your friends or your family. I don’t have to listen to you or what you have to say. I am me for a reason and no one can change that. You can go fuck […]
What is it like to just live? To just live a life where you don’t feel like everyone is watching you? Where no one gives a shit what you are doing, where you are going, who you are talking to, and how you are doing it? I really can’t remember. I honestly want to live in a cave underground with no windows and no doors and no light so that no one can see me ever. I want to not exist. I want to be alone so that I don’t hurt anyone. I want to never interact with anyone so that I don’t do anything […]
hey so I found SP while I was researching on pills overdosage and ever since the past few months been lurking on this page, reading many posts and decided to make an account today.
Its another year and most of the people I see are anticipating what the new year brings but im dreading it. Really, really badly. School is starting which is bad because I have to deal alot with being lonely and left out and anxiety issues which sucks alot. I know there are way graver problems out there, people starving in Africa, beggars on the street. And here am I, letting my […]
I haven’t been here or posted for 11 months. Since then, I’ve been taking different anti-depressants, and seeing a therapist. Sometimes they just don’t help, but I knew I had to stay to take care of my oldest cat. I know how ridiculous it sounds, and I know there are are people with far worse things to deal with this Christmas night. My plan was always based on my old guy’s death being the initiating event, but in addition, this summer I suddenly lost a younger car to cancer, and then, after adopting a kitten that melted my heart, I had to euthanize her 12 […]
Just a dumb rant for the day.
…about the day I came upon this website here. I think it was the beginning of August this year when I found it. No big deal, I just stumbled into it, right? End of story.
But what lead me to “stumble” into this place? Well, I was seeing if I could Google a surefire way to kill myself, then this website popped up.
Just that… it hit me pretty hard. I was so dedicated to finding something to finish me, I would’ve done anything I found that had a decent success rate.
I still have issues, but I’m alive because of you guys. Essentially, this website and everyone here […]
I promised a not to take enough to kill myself to my girlfriend. I relapses and had a paid attack and stole my dads pain meds but they were really strong ad I drank alot of vodka with itandnow I can’t focus get well can you tell me what to do to help my system deal with them? Becaus3 I’m not ready yet in so numb….
Im freakn losing it… Again
My mind is shot.. I cant deal
I just dont want to live anymore
Apparently I post on this site every 6 or so months when my suicidal ideation hits an all-time high. Funny how that coincides with the schedule for final exams. Today I actually wrote down a step-by-step checklist for everything I need to do in order to kill myself, including all of the necessary preparations regarding my belongings and funeral arrangements. The list is remarkably coherent and logical despite the fact that I wrote it during an intensely hysteric episode.
I already tried to stop myself from ideating and plotting. I read those “X Reasons Not To Kill Yourself” lists and the like, but I found it […]
So I called my work this morning and told them I was feeling sick, which I was but not that bad, and I told them I wasn’t going to be in this morning but I’d see how I felt around noon and come in. I just needed a little break from them and work is extremely overwhelming for me. Plus I don’t really have any urgent/important work to do today, so I didn’t feel too guilty about missing the morning. But T, who’s basically our whole HR department, said “This sure does happen a lot. You should probably go see a doctor. You […]
…the people here at my workplace. I really fucking don’t.
At the beginning of every month, we have a client who brings in their stuff for us to work on. I do half of it, and my co-worker J does the other half (all in the same program). We’re both qualified to do it all ourselves and it’s not like it takes that long to have just one of us do it all, but for some reason they still have it split between the both of us.
Anyway, I have been included into the mix of this client since the beginning of Spring this year (I’ve been […]
I know it isn’t healthy but I self medicate with alcohol to deal with my depression. Everybody thinks it’s a good thing that I drink a lot “Oh there he goes again at the bar! What a cool guy” or “Wish I could drink all the time like he does”. Going to the bar is comforting. I really like to see all the different people hanging out enjoying themselves. I almost always go alone, so the staff there kinda started to talk to me and I’m pretty good friends with them now I guess. But they aren’t really friends per se, just loose acquaintances I […]
I thought I was slowly getting better. I feel terrible all over again. Family is planning to go to the beach tomorrow, after visiting the cemetery. This just reminded me that we were at the beach 6 days before my brother died. He was talking about life, my life. How important it is that I hold on. But I cant. Not without him.
Just now, my parents told me that my cousin commited suicide because he couldnt deal with my brother’s death. They had said his death was an accident. He died just weeks after my brother died.
I see myself cutting tonight or getting […]
Im officially dead inside. Walked to the bridge and wanted to jump. I walked to the train tracks and thought the same thing. Im suicidal again and that makes it harder to fuckn deal with being depressed i cant wait to kill myself. To be free of all this pain. Now i have to cut so i can chill out enough to sleep.. I hope i never wake up
There’s no other way to say it. I’m just slipping. I’m slipping very fast into the void and I don’t know how to stop it. I can feel it happening. My emotions are starting to change. They’re growing. I can’t even explain it. I know what’s going to happen and I don’t know how to stop it. I want to cry. But I don’t do that. I’d rather just die. I’d rather die than go back to the way I used to be. I’d rather die than admit how I feel. I’d rather die than try and deal with this all over again […]
Gah I’m so tired of them! All day all night my emotions change by the minute… I though I was getting better 🙁 But I seem to have only gotten worse. I just want to be strong for my loved ones (you guys are of course included) you know? I want you all to know that I am here to help, but if someone needs to lean on me for strength and I crumble… I couldn’t forgive myself. How do you deal with the voices in your head?